


Soft Smiles

by nomsie500



Category: Glee
Genre: Abusive Relationship, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Attempted Kidnapping, Blaine's a creep, F/M, General Creepiness, M/M, Minor Character Death, Not Blaine or Klaine Friendly, PTSD symptoms, Past Hate Crime, Sexual Assault, Slow Burn, So much angst, Stalking, mentioned death, no beta we die like jet, physical assault, what else can I say?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-29
Updated: 2020-09-04
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:49:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 41
Words: 82,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24443857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nomsie500/pseuds/nomsie500
Summary: Kurt didn't know how to thank Sam for standing up to Karofsky, so he offered to give him a ride home.
Relationships: Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel, Sam Evans/Kurt Hummel, Sam Evans/Mercedes Jones, Sam Evans/Quinn Fabray (mentioned), Sam Evans/Santana Lopez (mentioned)
Comments: 66
Kudos: 201





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I've been taking this quarantine time to rewatch Glee, and I am personally mad that they forced Kurt to be with Blaine, so I am making things right by putting him with someone different. This will follow the growth of Kurt and Sam's friendship throughout seasons 2 and 3, with the true canon divergence starting during season 4. I hope y'all enjoy this!!

Kurt was sitting in shock. He couldn’t believe that the other New Directions guys cared about him enough to stand up to Karofsky like that. He thought he meant nothing to them, well, not nothing, he just wasn’t as valued as a member of the New Directions as some other people.

The most surprising thing was the way Sam had stood up for him. He had a black eye to prove his allegiance to Kurt and the glee club, something that Kurt never thought he’d see. Kurt knew that he was supposed to back off of Sam so he didn’t get an even bigger target painted on his back, but dammit Kurt needed to talk to him. 

When everyone stood to leave, Kurt reached out. “Hey, Sam, do you need a ride home?”

“I mean, I usually walk, but if you’re offering,” Sam responded.

“I am. I need to thank you for what you did somehow,” Kurt said.

“It was no big deal. Karofsky shouldn’t be pushing you around like this, you didn’t even do anything to deserve it,” Sam stated.

Kurt laughed and shook his head. “You are one of the few people to believe that.”

“It’s the truth though,” Sam said.

They both got into Kurt’s car and Sam began giving Kurt directions to his place. They sat in silence for a bit before Kurt spoke again.

“I don’t think I’ll ever be able to thank you enough for what you and the other guys did. It means a lot to me that you care so much.”

“Don’t worry about it. I would’ve done it for anyone in glee club,” Sam responded.

“Really? You haven’t been a part of glee club for very long, how can you already care so much?” Kurt asked.

“I’m used to being the new kid. My family moves around a lot, so I don’t have many friends. I’ve never found a group that’s accepted me as quickly as you guys have, so I feel like I should actually make some real friends this time,” Sam explained.

Kurt nodded. “I feel the same way. I don’t know if you could tell, but I’ve never had any friends, so glee club has been huge for me, even if I continue to act like I’m better than everyone else.”

“I think you’re pretty good,” Sam said.

“Thanks,” Kurt replied, smiling a little.

“I know I didn’t end up doing the duet competition with you, but I think it could’ve been fun,” Sam said.

“I think it would’ve been fun too, I just couldn’t do that to you. It shouldn’t have mattered, but unfortunately my lot in life is to be relentlessly ridiculed and watch as none of the teachers do anything about it,” Kurt explained.

Sam nodded. “I appreciate what you did for me, but I think it’s time that someone helped you. I know I haven’t known you for very long, but I’ve met guys like you before and it always killed me to see them not getting help.”

“You’ve done more than enough, I can’t ask you to do anything else,” Kurt said. 

“No, Kurt, I’m serious. If you need anything, just tell me and I can do it. I don’t mind, I just want to help you,” Sam explained.

Kurt sighed. “Okay. I can’t promise anything, but I’ll try to keep it in mind.”

Sam’s whole face lit up with a dazzling smile that Kurt had a hard time not focusing all his attention on. Kurt knew he promised Finn and his dad that he wouldn’t go after Sam the way he went after Finn last year, but damn was Sam adorable. He shook himself out of his daze and focused back on the road. Next thing he knew, Sam was pointing to his driveway and Kurt was pulling into it.

“Thanks for the ride,” Sam said as he got out of the car.

“Well, thank you for sticking up for me,” Kurt replied, smirking up at Sam.

Sam blushed a little. “Don’t mention it.”

~*~*~

Sam’s face fell when Kurt announced he was transferring to Dalton. He thought Kurt wouldn’t have to worry about Karofsky anymore, he thought that Coach Sylvester had been able to make an example out of him. It wasn’t right, Kurt shouldn’t have to leave.

Sam caught up with Kurt after glee club was over. “Hey, Kurt! Can you give me a ride home again?”

Kurt’s face melted into a soft smile. “I’d be happy to.”

They got into Kurt’s car and drove off again. They sat in silence for a few minutes, not sure what to say to each other.

“There’s nothing I can say that’ll get you to stay, is there?” Sam eventually asked.

Kurt sighed. “I don’t feel safe at McKinley, Sam. You don’t even know the half of what happened, and if you did you’d know exactly why I can’t stay. I need the protection Dalton will give me, and unless I can suddenly get that at McKinley, I have to go.”

“What do you mean I don’t know half of what happened? If something really bad happened, you can tell me. I won’t judge you, you know,” Sam said.

“I know you won’t. Maybe one day I’ll be able to tell you, but today isn’t that day. I’m sorry, Sam, I have to do this,” Kurt replied.

Sam nodded. He knew what it was like to have something you just couldn’t talk about with other people. 

“Can we at least still see each other? Our friendship is super new, I don’t wanna lose it.”

Kurt’s face melted into another soft smile. “Of course. I’ll be home on the weekends, we can have a standing coffee date or something?”

“That sounds great! Where do you wanna meet up?” Sam asked, suddenly really excited.

“I’d say the Lima Bean, but that’s right in Lima and I don’t want to put you in more danger by being seen with me. What about Christine’s Coffee Co.? It’s in the next town over but it’s not too far from where you live since you’re on the edge of town,” Kurt suggested.

“Sounds perfect. If it’s as close as you say, I might be able to walk there,” Sam replied.

“Great! How does every Friday at 4 sound?” Kurt asked.

“I’m free then. I’ll let you know if that changes,” Sam said.

“Of course,” Kurt replied. “Here we are, the Evans Residence.”

Sam laughed. “Thanks for the ride. I don’t know how I’ll get home so quickly without them.”

“I’ll let Finn know and see if he’d be willing to drive you,” Kurt replied.

“It won’t be the same as having you driving me though,” Sam said.

“Is that okay?” Kurt asked.

“Don’t know yet, we’ll find out,” Sam replied, giving Kurt one more smile before shutting the door and walking into his house.


	2. Chapter 2

Kurt walked into the coffee shop just as Sam was sitting down with their drinks. They offered each other a smile as Kurt made his way to the table.

“I thought I was paying this week,” Kurt said, sliding his drink toward himself.

“Yeah, well, I thought I’d do something nice for you this week, it being Valentine’s Day and all,” Sam responded, taking a sip of his drink.

“You don’t have to feel bad about me not having a Valentine, you know. You have Quinn, why aren’t you spending the money on her?” Kurt asked.

“I don’t know if Quinn and I are a thing anymore,” Sam said, looking more devastated than Kurt had ever seen him.

“What do you mean? Just last week you were telling me about this really cool date you had planned for this weekend,” Kurt replied.

“Well, that was before she cheated on me with Finn,” Sam said.

“She cheated on you with Finn? I mean, we’re all familiar with once a cheater always a cheater but what the hell happened? Please tell me you didn’t do something shitty,” Kurt said.

“No, well, at least I don’t think I did,” Sam responded. “Finn set up this kissing booth, right? And Quinn went up to it and made flirty eyes with him, so I watched her get a kiss from Finn at the booth. Apparently, that wasn’t enough for her because next thing I knew they both had mono. Maybe she kissed him again, maybe she didn’t, but I don’t have any way to know, you know?”

“So you don’t know if she cheated on you beyond what you saw, but you don’t know how else she could’ve gotten mono,” Kurt said.

“I mean, mono is going around the school right now, but Quinn doesn’t have class with any of the kids who have it, so I don’t really know how else she could’ve gotten it,” Sam replied looking really upset and confused.

“I’m not going to tell you how to live your life, but maybe give her at least a week and see if she says anything about it? Maybe she’ll fess up or you’ll get some type of proof that she cheated on you. Breaking up with her before you know for sure wouldn’t be a good look for you because people will think you’re just petty and paranoid,” Kurt suggested.

“I’m not sure what those last two words mean, but they can’t be anything good,” Sam replied.

“You make a big deal of small things because you’re scared of things you can’t control, and that’s not attractive,” Kurt explained.

“Oh. Well, I try not to do that kind of thing because I agree, it's a bad look. I’m only worried because I saw the way they were looking at each other and both of them having mono was too much of a coincidence to me, you know?”

“I totally agree with you, but I don’t want you to ruin your relationship and future potential relationships if you’re wrong. I’m not saying you are, I just don’t want you to have problems in the future. You deserve to be happy whether that’s with Quinn or with someone else,” Kurt said, reaching across the table to give Sam’s hand a squeeze.

“I get what you’re trying to tell me. I’ll give it a week and see what happens. Maybe it was nothing, but I really think it was something,” Sam replied.

“I think it was something too, but hopefully Quinn will be a big girl and tell you herself,” Kurt responded.

“Yeah. Enough about me, how was your week?” Sam asked, ready to be done talking about Quinn for the moment.

“Well, I thought Blaine was going to ask me out this week. Instead, he asked out this dude who worked at the Gap who wasn’t even out to his co-workers and family. What’s worse is this dude was in his twenties,” Kurt explained.

Sam let out a low whistle. “Wow. I get that you like Blaine but I’m sorry, that’s really weird to me.”

“Yeah. I can’t deny how weird it was, but I don’t know. He’s the only openly gay kid I know, if I’m going to date someone then it has to be him by default,” Kurt stated.

“I understand that, just make sure you actually really like him and you’re not just crushing on him because you don’t have other options. You deserve to have the best first love experience, especially after everything you’ve been through,” Sam said.

Kurt nodded. “I do genuinely like him. He’s a good guy, I swear he is.”

“I believe you. Now, tell me more about the lonely hearts café you were planning.”

Kurt’s face broke into a wide grin, launching into a detailed explanation of the event and how everything was going to go. Sam smiled as he watched his friend talk about something he was clearly very excited about.

~*~*~

“Guess what, guess what, guess what!” Kurt exclaimed.

“I’m assuming chicken butt is the wrong answer to that question,” Sam responded.

“Very funny, but I have amazing news,” Kurt said. Sam raised an eyebrow, smiling at Kurt’s obvious excitement.

“Blaine and I are a thing! We’re also singing a duet at regionals, but honestly I am way more excited to be finally dating someone,” Kurt explained.

“Wow. I’m happy for you, dude, seriously,” Sam replied.

“I know you have your reservations about him, but I think this is the start of something great. He was so cute about it, talking about me like he was looking for me his whole life.”

“I know that feeling,” Sam stated, frowning down at his drink.

“What’s up? You got really sad all the sudden and this is supposed to be a happy occasion,” Kurt said.

“Oh, um, that’s something I don’t feel comfortable talking about in public. I’ll tell you someday, just not today if that’s okay,” Sam explained.

Kurt studied Sam for a moment before nodding slowly. “I understand. I’ll be here to listen when you’re ready to talk.”

“Thanks, K, I appreciate that,” Sam replied.

“K? That’s new,” Kurt observed.

“Am I not allowed to give my best friend a nickname?” Sam asked.

“I just wasn’t expecting it,” Kurt replied. “Now I have to think of an unoriginal nickname for you.”

“Are you insulting me right now? I think you just insulted me,” Sam said, feigning offense.

“Who said this was the first time. I’m just prolonging the inevitable. Soon, I'll be slashing you with my words like Santana,” Kurt responded.

Sam flinched at the mention of Santana. “Can we please not talk about her? She did something really shitty this week and I’d rather forget about it.”

“Hey, I’m sorry. I thought you two were dating, I didn’t realize she was already a sore spot for you,” Kurt said, immediately concerned for Sam.

“It’s okay, you didn’t know.”

The two sat in silence for a moment while Sam gathered his thoughts.

“We’re doing original songs for regionals. Mr. Schue let Rachel and Quinn go off and write a song while the rest of us tried to come up with an anthem. Santana was the first one to come up with something and sang it in front of the entire glee club. She wrote a whole song about how big my lips are and compared them to fish and frogs.”

“Are you serious? What possessed her to do something like that?” Kurt asked.

“I don’t know. I knew she thought my mouth was huge when we started dating, but I thought she had let that go,” Sam responded.

“Santana doesn’t just let insults go, she says something once and then adds it to an arsenal that she unleashes on you and you’re powerless to do anything except sit there and take it,” Kurt explained.

They lapsed into silence again, not sure what to say to each other.

“For what it’s worth, I find your lips charming. In fact, I think you’re definitely the cutest guy at McKinley,” Kurt said, offering Sam a small smile.

“Are you hitting on me, Hummel?” Sam asked, face breaking into a playful smile.

“Me? Hitting on you? When have I ever done such a thing?” Kurt asked, feigning innocence.

“I hate to break it to you, but you were definitely hitting on me when you tried to get me to sing with you during the duet competition,” Sam said.

“What can I say, Evans, I’m gay, not blind,” Kurt replied.

“Well, I may be straight, but I’m not blind either,” Sam stated, taking a sip of his drink.

“What on earth is that supposed to mean?” Kurt asked.

“What can I say, K, you’re pretty and Blaine is a lucky man,” Sam replied.

“Samuel Evans, are you hitting on me?”

“Like I said, I’m straight, not blind,” Sam said.

Kurt laughed. “You’re adorable, Sammy.”

“Sammy? I'm only called that by my siblings,” Sam replied.

“Well it's just as unoriginal as 'K', so I thought it made sense,” Kurt explained.

Sam nodded. “Sammy and K, McKinley’s up and coming BFF duo!”

“Who said I was coming back to McKinley?” Kurt asked.

“Well, you said you might if the Warblers lost regionals. Not that I want you to lose, but it’d be cool to have my new BFF in school with me,” Sam explained.

“You could just transfer to Dalton with me,” Kurt laughed and then let out a heavy sigh. “I honestly really want to come back, I just don’t know how I’m supposed to, you know? I haven’t told you this, but Karofsky was way more awful to me than you guys thought.”

“What do you mean, K?” Sam asked.

“You can’t tell anyone I told you this. This isn’t some simple secret, it’s about staying safe.” Sam nodded in understanding. Kurt took a deep breath. “Shortly after I met Blaine, he told me that I should have courage and stand up to my bullies. Well, I did. I confronted Karofsky in the locker room and really went at him with my words. I told him he could punch me as much as he wanted because it wouldn’t change who I was. Instead of the beating I was expecting, he grabbed my face and kissed me.”

Sam just stared at him in shock, he had no idea how to respond to that.

Kurt continued, “After it happened, he told me he would kill me if I told anyone, and I believed it. That’s why I was so scared right before I left, I felt like if he got me alone he would beat me or rape me or something. I want to go back to McKinley, I really do, but I don’t know if I can put myself through that again, you know?”

Sam nodded and stood up. “Can I hug you?”

Kurt looked confused but nodded. Sam immediately scooped him up into a bear hug and began rocking side to side.

“I knew what you went through was awful, but I didn’t realize it was that bad. Does your dad or Finn know?” Sam asked.

Kurt shook his head into Sam’s shoulder. “Just you and Blaine.”

Sam pulled back and stared earnestly into Kurt’s eyes. “I promise you that if you come back to McKinley, I will do everything in my power to keep you safe. I’ll walk with you everywhere so you don’t have to be alone. I’m not going to let Karofsky lay a finger on you ever again, okay?”

Kurt nodded, walking back into Sam’s arms. “I trust you, Sammy.”


	3. Chapter 3

Kurt and Blaine were leaving the benefit as the New Directions were leaving the choir room. Kurt broke out into a huge grin, his friends had done such a good job! He was congratulating everyone, eventually making his way around to Sam who couldn’t help but return Kurt’s smile when they made eye contact.

Kurt’s eyes lit up as he hugged Sam. “You were so good as the announcer, Sammy! It was a shame you only emceed, I was looking forward to hearing you sing.”

“What can I say, K, it just wasn’t my night. Half the show was pulled when only six people showed up and I decided to just announce people instead of performing,” Sam explained.

“Well, you were an excellent announcer. The only thing the show was missing was your Sean Connery impression,” Kurt said.

Sam laughed. “I thought about doing that, but I think Rachel would’ve had my head if I pulled that.”

Kurt laughed along with him. “I think you’re right. You still did a good job though.”

“Thanks, K. Have you thought more about coming back?” Sam asked.

Kurt nodded. “I’ve talked to my dad about it and he says that the only way he’s allowing me to go back is if the school can guarantee my safety. Unfortunately, he doesn’t consider you being my personal bodyguard to be enough protection.”

“I will have your dad know I am a fantastic bodyguard. My ability to beat other people up is world famous. World famous, K!” Sam said.

“Come on, Kurt, we’ve gotta get going,” Blaine said, watching Sam and Kurt with a weird look in his eyes. Kurt didn’t notice it, but there was something about that look that made Sam uneasy. He didn’t want to have to protect Kurt from his own boyfriend, but he would if he had to.

“Duty seems to be calling me. I’ll text you when I get home, okay?” Kurt said.

Sam smiled at his friend. “Sure thing, K. Talk to you soon!”

“Bye, Sammy!” Kurt responded, waving as he was pulled away by Blaine.

Sam was still smiling when he turned around and bumped into Finn. Unbeknownst to him, Finn had heard the majority of their conversation and was really confused. Nothing seemed wrong to him, but Sam and Kurt were way friendlier than he remembered them being. He needed to investigate just to be sure everything was alright.

“Hey, dude. Thanks for taking one for the team and being the announcer for the show tonight,” Finn said.

“It was nothing. Someone had to do it, you know?” Sam replied, not really interested in talking to Finn.

“Look, I know you’re mad at me for stealing Quinn, but you understand why I’m worried about Kurt. Honestly, I’m also worried about you. Is he coming on to you? He shouldn’t be, he has a boyfriend and that should’ve made him less predatory,” Finn said.

“What? Oh, no, Kurt’s cool. We’re friends actually,” Sam explained.

“Since when?” Finn asked, very confused.

“Since the glee guys confronted Karofsky. He gave me a ride home to thank me, we get coffee every week to catch up. He’s probably my best friend right now,” Sam said.

“Oh. I did not see that coming,” Finn replied.

“Well it’s not something that I talk about a lot and it seems like you don’t really talk to Kurt, so I have no idea why you would’ve known,” Sam said.

“Fair point. I should probably work on that,” Finn said.

“You do that. I’m gonna go now if that’s alright with you,” Sam said as he started walking away. His mom was picking him up and he already left her waiting long enough.

“Of course. Have a good night, Sam!” Finn replied, giving him a small wave. Sam responded with a two-finger salute and started jogging toward the entrance of the school. 

~*~*~

Finn locked the door when he came into the house because he was the last one in. He dropped his bag off in his room before going to Kurt’s room and knocking on the door. Kurt answered and was surprised to see Finn.

“Finn! You never come visit me. What’s up?” Kurt asked.

“Can I come in? I wanna talk to you,” Finn replied.

Kurt let Finn into the room and pulled out the chair he had in front of the vanity. Once Finn took a seat, Kurt sat on the bed and waited for Finn to start speaking.

Finn took a deep breath and rubbed his hands together. “I saw you talking to Sam after the show. You aren’t crushing on him, are you?”

Kurt had a look of disbelief on his face. “Why on earth would you think that? I have a boyfriend.”

“Well, yeah, but you were being pretty flirty with him and I know you liked him at the beginning of the year. I just want to make sure you aren’t coming onto him,” Finn explained.

“As hard as it may be for you to believe, I have learned from my past mistakes. Sam and I are just friends. He did something really good for me and I just wanted to thank him, our friendship grew from there. Is there anything wrong with that?” Kurt asked.

“Of course not, you were just being super flirty is all,” Finn replied.

“For your information, Sam is the flirty one. He’s putting the moves on a taken man, not the other way around,” Kurt said.

Finn had the decency to look sheepish. “Just checking. I wanted to make sure you were doing okay. I know this year has been hard on you and you could’ve easily gone off the deep end.”

Kurt smiled at his brother. “I could’ve, but I didn’t. I may have been through some pretty tough shit, but I’ve come out of it stronger and with a new family, boyfriend, and best friend. I’m doing better now, Finn, and I promise I’m not trying to convert Sam.”

“I trust you, I just worry, you know?” Finn replied.

“I know. It’s nice to know you care,” Kurt said.

“Yeah, well, I’m gonna go to bed. G’night,” Finn said, leaving the room.

“'Night, Finn.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You'll notice I updated the tags. I don't get too graphic with anything, just know what's coming. I hope you enjoy this chapter (which doesn't incorporate any of the new tags)!!

Sam could’ve sworn he was hallucinating. Was that Kurt Hummel on McKinley’s campus during school hours? He didn’t care if he was late for class, he had to see if it was him.

“K, is that you?” Sam asked.

Kurt turned around and his face broke into a grin. “Sammy! I’ve been looking all over for you!”

“Oh my gosh, K, you didn’t tell me you were coming back!” Sam said trying really hard not to hug Kurt. He had just come back to McKinley, he didn’t need the heat that Sam hugging him would bring.

“I wanted it to be a surprise. Walk me to class?” Kurt asked, linking arms with Sam.

“It would be my honor as your world-famous bodyguard,” Sam replied with a bright grin on his face.

The two walked in silence for a moment. They stopped in front of Kurt’s classroom, not wanting to have to leave each other yet, but unfortunately Sam had three minutes to get to the other side of the campus.

Sam smiled at Kurt. “Here we are. I’ll see you at lunch for the glee surprise Mercedes was talking about?”

“Indeed you will. Have a nice morning,” Kurt replied.

Sam waved at Kurt before walking off. He immediately pulled out his phone to text Kurt. It wasn’t that he wasn’t comfortable speaking about this to Kurt in person, he just wanted to make sure that no one heard him talk about this and he really needed to ask Kurt for some help.

To K: Hey, can we talk? I need your help with something

Kurt replied almost immediately.

From K: Of course, you wanna go to Christine’s after school?

To K: That would be great  
Thanks so much!!

From K: Anything for you Sammy 😉 

~*~*~

As soon as they got into the car, Kurt let his concern for Sam boil over. 

“What’s going on? Are you okay?”

Sam laughed. “I’d tell you I’m fine, but that wouldn’t be the truth. Remember when I delivered a pizza to Dalton and I told you I had the job to make some extra cash?”

“Of course. It’s perfectly normal to want to make some extra money,” Kurt said.

“Well, at the time it was to make some money for myself, but now my dad lost his job and the house and we’re living in a motel. I’m the only one bringing in money right now and I think I might have to stop going to school,” Sam explained looking devastated.

“What? Sammy, no. You can’t leave, you gotta at least hold out until you finish this year,” Kurt replied.

“I’m not sure I have much of a choice. If I can work more, then I can bring in more money which can help take care of my family. I know that shouldn’t be my responsibility, but my parents literally can’t find any work. It’s awful, I have no idea what happened to the job market but it just doesn’t exist in Western Ohio I guess,” Sam said.

Kurt didn’t know what to say. “Is there any way I can help? I can’t do much, but if your parents know anything about fixing cars then I can see if my dad will give them a job. Hell, if they’re willing to learn then I can probably convince my dad to give them a job.”

“That would be great, actually. I’ll tell my parents and see what they say,” Sam responded.

They lapsed into silence, not really knowing how to continue the conversation. Kurt pulled into the coffee shop parking lot, but neither of them moved to get out of the car.

“How did it happen? I thought your dad had a really good job,” Kurt asked.

“Well, the company my dad was working for got hit by the recession really hard early on, and they were just getting back on their feet when they hired him. The company hit another rough patch and had to let a whole bunch of people go. We would’ve been fine, but my parents spent all their savings on the move. It probably didn’t help that we moved so suddenly, but it was kind of my fault we needed to do that,” Sam explained.

“Sammy, you can’t claim responsibility for this. It’s not your fault your dad had to be let go,” Kurt said.

“That’s what my parents keep saying, but I don’t know. I’ve just felt awful since I’ve broken up with Quinn and I honestly don’t know what to do,” Sam replied.

Kurt pulled him into a hug. “How about we go back to one of our places. I don’t think being out in public is the best thing for you right now.”

“You’re right. Can you take me to the motel? I kind of just want to fall asleep and forget about everything for a while,” Sam said.

Kurt nodded. “Sure. Just let me know if you need anything, okay? I don’t care what it is, if I can do it for you, I will find a way.”

“I believe you,” Sam replied.

~*~*~

A week later, Kurt was stopping by the motel to give Sam some clothes and to tell him about what his dad said about giving his parents jobs. Unfortunately, Burt was only able to offer them part time work, but Sam’s parents were so grateful to have any sort of income that they didn’t mind all that much.

Little did Kurt know that Rachel and Finn were spying on Sam, so Finn storming into his room was a huge surprise.

“What the hell, man? Why would you do that to Blaine? You were so desperate for a boyfriend, why would you throw that away so soon?”

“What on earth are you talking about? I would never cheat on Blaine, what made you think that?” Kurt asked.

“I know what I saw. You were in a motel with Sam and you looked way too comfortable with each other to be just friends,” Finn explained.

Kurt let out an exasperated sigh. “I thought we went over this. Sam and I are really good friends and I was helping a friend out in a time of need. I’m not going to tell you what’s going on with him because that’s his story to tell, just know that it wasn’t anything sexual.”

“That doesn’t explain why you were so touchy feely,” Finn grumbled.

“That’s just how our friendship is. Guys can be physically affectionate with each other without it being gay. I’m allowed to support my friend with a hug if he needs it. It’s not the end of the world, Finn,” Kurt replied.

Finn didn’t know how to respond to that. Giving physical affection to his guy friends was something unheard of to him. Well, he knew gay guys would do that but he’d never heard of a straight guy doing that. He guessed he’d just have to take Kurt at his word and believe that he wasn’t sexually involved with Sam. He gave Kurt a nod and left his room.


	5. Chapter 5

Sam watched as Kurt ran from the gym. He couldn’t believe that the people at McKinley would do something like that to him, mostly because it was so sneaky and everyone had always been so loud about their hatred of Kurt. He turned toward Mercedes looking totally lost.

“I wanna go after him. He looked so upset.”

“I wanna go after him too, but he’s got Blaine now. He’ll be fine,” Mercedes replied.

“Blaine’s great and all, but shouldn’t we rally around him or something? He needs all the support he can get right now,” Sam explained.

“I feel like he wouldn’t want to see us right now. We’ve grown apart and you two have never been particularly close. He’s got Blaine, he’ll be okay,” Mercedes said.

“You know nothing about my friendship with Kurt,” Sam replied before leaving the auditorium. Just as he left, he saw Kurt and Blaine walking back toward the doors. Sam gave Kurt a smile that he hoped was supportive and reassuring, and given that Kurt gave him a small smile in return, he thinks he was successful. Sam weaved through the crowd back to Mercedes.

“See, Blaine helped get him through it,” Mercedes said.

“Or he’s just putting on a brave face until he can go home,” Sam responded.

They watched as Karofsky abandoned Kurt to do his first dance on his own. Sam joined the other New Directions in dancing around Kurt and Blaine to take some of the attention off of them. Sam followed Kurt and Blaine over to the photo shoot area, hoping to catch Kurt so he could talk to him. 

“Kurt! Wait up,” Sam said, waving at Kurt and Blaine.

“Sam! We were just about to head out, I don’t really want to hang around here any longer than necessary, you know?” Kurt responded.

“I totally get you, I just wanted to check on you before you left,” Sam explained.

Kurt nodded. “I’ll call you when I get home, okay?”

It wasn’t the answer Sam was hoping for, but he quickly realized that Kurt wanted to vent about it, otherwise he wouldn’t have asked for a phone call. “Sounds good. Make sure he gets home safely, Blaine.”

Blaine nodded at Sam, that weird look from the benefit back in his eyes. Sam noticed it again, liking it even less because he’d seen it before.

~*~*~

“Hey, Kurt? I was wondering what was happening between you and Sam,” Blaine said as Kurt pulled out of the McKinley parking lot.

“You know this, Blaine. Sam and I are really good friends. He did something for me at the beginning of the year that no one else had before and we’ve been hanging out ever since,” Kurt explained. This was the third time Kurt had to explain his friendship with Sam to Blaine, the first being after the benefit and the second being after the rumors spread about Kurt cheating on Blaine with Sam.

“I don’t know if I like it, Kurt. He’s putting the moves on you and I don’t want him to lead you down a dark path,” Blaine replied.

Kurt sighed. “I’m just as affectionate with Mercedes and Rachel but you don’t have the same problems when it’s directed at them.”

“Of course I don’t have the same problems, you’ve made it very clear that you’re as gay as they come so you wouldn’t ever leave me for either of them,” Blaine said.

“Look, you never have to worry about me cheating on you. You are the best thing to come out of the mess that my life has been for the past year, I’m not going to throw that away to chase after a straight guy. Please trust me, Blaine. I care about you and I care about us too much to let anything happen,” Kurt responded.

Blaine wasn’t sure what to believe, but if he wanted to continue to date Kurt, he supposed he was going to have to believe him. “Okay, okay, I trust you. I just care about you a lot, you know? I don’t wanna lose you.”

“Well, I’m not planning on going anywhere, so you don’t have to worry about that,” Kurt replied.

~*~*~

Kurt flopped down on his bed, glad to finally be home and in comfy clothes. He got home about two hours later than he was expecting, but he still wanted to talk to Sam.

To Sammy: You still up?

From Sammy: Yeah  
Hang on

Not even a minute later, Kurt’s phone rang with a call from Sam. 

“Hey. I’m sorry it’s so late. Blaine kept me longer than I was expecting, something about prom traditions and having our firsts,” Kurt said.

“It’s totally cool, dude. Mercedes wanted to stay at the dance for a bit longer, so I just got back myself,” Sam replied.

“Mercedes, hmm? Keep me posted on how that goes, she’s a fantastic person,” Kurt stated.

“Will do. I don’t know if it’s going to go anywhere, but I won’t know if I don’t try,” Sam said. “How are you? I felt awful when they announced your name, I wanted to chase after you but Mercedes said to just leave you to Blaine.”

“I’ll be honest, I’m still really shaken up about it. I think I did the right thing, but I can’t say I’m looking forward to school on Monday,” Kurt explained.

“I understand. If it means anything to you, I won’t leave your side at school for the rest of the year. I know you have the Bully Whips, but you’re not friends with Karofsky or Santana and I think you need a friend more than people who pretend to care about you,” Sam said.

“I’d really like that, Sammy. You don’t have to be with me all the time though. I don’t want to put you in any danger, people still aren’t over me being me and those rumors that went around a couple months ago,” Kurt replied.

“I care about you way more than a few homophobes. Besides, I don’t think they’ll want to touch after you owned the title like that. Also, nobody would’ve looked better in that crown,” Sam stated.

“You flatter me, Evans. If I didn’t know better, I would think you had a crush on me or something,” Kurt teased.

“Well in case you didn’t know, Hummel, I don’t do crushes. I’m an all or nothing kind of guy,” Sam replied.

“Darn it. Better luck next time I guess,” Kurt said.

Sam laughed. “If I were to crush on anybody, it would be you. You’re amazing, and it’s a shame no one really understands that.”

“You’re the amazing one, Sammy. I don’t know where I’d be without you. You gave me the courage to come back to McKinley, and you’re the one that’s giving me the confidence to walk into school on Monday. I totally have a platonic crush on you,” Kurt said.

“A platonic crush? I haven’t heard of that before,” Sam replied.

“A platonic crush is a friend crush. It’s when you either really want to be friends with somebody or you just love your friend so much it’s hard to fully describe,” Kurt explained.

“Huh. Well, I definitely have a platonic crush on you, K. You’re probably one of the most important people in my life after my family,” Sam stated.

“Aww. I would hug you, but we’re at home right now,” Kurt said.

“I’m sending you a hug through the phone. I love you, K, and I promise that if anyone tries to give you a hard time about prom, I’m just a call or text away,” Sam said.

“I love you too, Sammy, and just so you know, the offer goes both ways. I’m here for you too,” Kurt replied.

Sam grinned. He didn’t know how he got so lucky to find such a good friend in Kurt, but he doesn’t regret anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello. Please indulge me and my dumbassery for a moment. So I was listening to "Six: The Musical" while moving out of my dorm the other day, and one of the things I like to do is cast characters into alternate universes. So, here is who I think would play each of the queens from the six OG New Directions girls.
> 
> Catherine of Aragon: Quinn  
> Anne Boleyn: Santana  
> Jane Seymour: Tina  
> Anna of Cleves: Mercedes  
> Catherine Howard: Brittany  
> Catherine Parr: Rachel
> 
> I think Rachel and Santana can be interchangeable, mostly because I feel like Rachel would want to be both the famous wife and the wife with the survivor legacy, but I chose to have Santana as Anne Boleyn because the blaise attitude of her song fits Santana really well. If you read this far, thanks for putting up with me and for reading this fic!! I appreciate it so much!!


	6. Chapter 6

Once the New Directions got back from nationals, there were only a few days of school left. Sam and Mercedes started to date seriously, Kurt was more committed to Blaine than ever, and Sam and Kurt’s friendship was growing stronger by the day. Finn wasn’t sure what to make of Sam being over at their house all the time, but he figured it was best to just accept Sam and Kurt’s friendship and to not say anything about it to Kurt. He got in the way of them being friends back in September, Kurt wouldn’t take any more “advice” from Finn on his friend choices.

What Finn didn’t know was that Sam and Kurt were not only closer to each other emotionally, but they were closer physically as well. They had taken to cuddling, the physical contact helping them to feel closer to each other and process their emotions. Today was a really emotional day because of some news Sam just got from his parents.

“I didn’t think this was going to happen, but my parents have had no luck finding a fulltime job in the area, so they’re expanding their search to other states,” Sam said, hiding his face in Kurt’s neck.

“What? But I thought your dad got an offer from that grocery store to start as an assistant manager,” Kurt replied, really confused.

“Well, they decided to promote someone who already worked there. It makes sense, it just sucks, you know? I don’t wanna move,” Sam explained.

“I don’t want you to move either, but I don’t think you really get a choice in this,” Kurt stated.

“I know I don’t, I just don’t know what to do. I’m going to miss you and the glee club and football so much, I can’t handle another transfer,” Sam said.

Kurt pulled back to look at Sam. “Look, you don’t know if you’re moving yet. Your parents are just starting to look for jobs out of state, maybe they’ll still be able to find something in the Lima area and you’ll be able to stay. And if you do have to leave, that doesn’t mean we’ll stop being friends. We still have our cellphones, I can call you every day if you want and fill you in on all the newest McKinley gossip. It’ll be okay, you won’t lose anything you have here and you’ll get new stuff from wherever you go.”

Sam gave Kurt a watery smile. “Thanks, K. I just don’t know how to break the news to ‘Cedes. I’m the first serious boyfriend she’s had, she’ll be crushed.”

“Don’t focus on that. Remember, you don’t even know if you’re moving yet. Cherish the time you do have so you’ll have plenty of good memories for if you do have to leave. I’m sure she’ll want to stay in touch if you do leave, it’s not her style to leave people hanging,” Kurt said.

“You’re right. I don’t know how I’ve gotten by without you all these years, K. You are truly marvelous and I’m so glad you’re my best friend,” Sam stated.

“Don’t get all sappy on me, Evans. I might think you’re in love with me again, and we are committed men,” Kurt replied, poking Sam's ribs.

Sam just laughed, absorbing Kurt’s love and warmth while he still could. He may not have realized it yet, but Kurt was more correct about Sam’s feelings for him than he thought.

“I love you, you know that, right?” Sam asked.

“Of course I know that. I love you too,” Kurt replied.

They were silent for a bit, just thinking to themselves about what it would be like to not be around each other all the time anymore. Of course, they’d been apart when Kurt was at Dalton, but that was before they started seeing each other at least once a day. Blaine was convinced Kurt spent more time with Sam than he did with him, but Kurt didn’t like to think about what Blaine was implying when he said that. His love for Sam was platonic, and he didn’t see any reason why he shouldn’t spend as much time with him as possible if he was going to be leaving in August.

“There has to be something I can do to stay. I turned eighteen in May, I technically don’t have to go with my parents,” Sam said.

“That’s true. You would have to figure out how to live on your own which would involve you working a lot. You’d basically have to work full time and go to school full time in order to support yourself,” Kurt said.

Sam squeezed Kurt tighter. “That idea sounds awful to my dyslexia. Ugh, maybe I have to go with them after all.”

“We’ll figure something out. And who knows, maybe it won’t be as bad as you think,” Kurt said.

“You won’t be there, how good could it be?” Sam asked.

Kurt laughed. “Good point. No matter what happens, we’ll have a fun summer. Who knows, maybe I’ll convince Blaine to go on a double date with you and Mercedes.”

“Yeah, that would be fun,” Sam replied. 

~*~*~

"I've been talking with my parents about the move," Sam said.

Sam and Kurt were currently curled up on the couch having a sci-fi movie marathon. They liked to do something like this once every two weeks and take turns picking the selection of movies they watched. Since it was Sam's turn to pick, they were of course watching various sci-fi movies because that's what normally ended up happening when Sam picked the movies. 

"And? Do they know what's happening?" Kurt asked.

"My dad got a job offer in Kentucky doing something similar to what he did in Tennessee. The job isn't going to start until December, but they want to move there in August so my mom can find something and so all of us don't have to switch schools in the middle of the year. They want me to come with them as the third person who can bring money into the house," Sam explained.

"That makes sense, but it's still awful you have to move," Kurt replied.

"I really would rather figure out a way to live here, graduate, and send them a little bit of money each month if they need it, but I think they're going to need more support than that. I don't want to watch them hop between motels and barely getting by while I stay in Ohio and be a teenager, but I would be lying if I said I wanted to go with them," Sam said.

"So what're you gonna do?" Kurt asked.

"Probably move. I can't leave them hanging like that," Sam stated.

"I understand. If you change your mind, let me know and I can help find a way for you to come back," Kurt said.

"Thanks, K. I'll let you know how it goes. Hopefully I'll have a drama free senior year where I can coast through my classes and work after school. Then I can be done and figure out what I want to do after that," Sam replied.

"You need to add one more thing to that agenda," Kurt said.

"And what's that?" Sam asked.

"Our weekly catch up sessions! Don't think you're getting out of calling me at least once a week to tell me how you're doing. We are keeping in touch if it kills me," Kurt proclaimed.

Sam laughed. "Well, hopefully you won't have to die yet. I probably won't be able to get through the day without texting you at least once."

"I like that plan too, let's do both," Kurt said.

Sam pulled him into a hug. "We could visit each other when we have school vacations. That would be pretty cool too."

Kurt nodded. "Kentucky doesn't sound like the most exciting place ever, but I'm sure that you'd make it great."

"Well, Lima is kind of awful and you being here makes it better, so that logic makes sense to me," Sam replied.

"Oh, Sammy, you flatter me," Kurt teased.

"That's my job, to be your personal flatterer," Sam said.

"Isn't Mercedes your girlfriend?" Kurt asked.

"I can be multiple people's personal flatterers. I have plenty of compliments and love to go around," Sam explained.

"I guess Mercedes and I can count ourselves lucky," Kurt replied.

"I'm the lucky one to have both of you. Y'all are great," Sam said.

Kurt just gave Sam a tight squeeze and focused back on the movie. They spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other's company and the carefree atmosphere summer provided them.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is this the second day in a row where I've posted two chapters in one day? Yes. Do I care? No. Will this be something that happens on a regular basis? Who knows. Oh, this is where the chapter lengths start fluctuating a lot, and I'm really sorry about that if it's the type of thing that bothers you. I hope you enjoy anyway!!

“Will you tell me anything about this surprise you’ve been planning all week?” Blaine asked as Kurt was pulling out of his driveway.

“The point of a surprise is you don’t know what’s happening until you get there,” Kurt explained.

Blaine let out a defeated sigh and pouted toward the window. Kurt frowned and focused on the road.

“I promise you’ll have fun. That’s all I’m gonna say about it.”

“Okay. I trust you,” Blaine replied, feeling slightly appeased but not exactly happy about the situation either.

After another twenty minutes of driving, Kurt pulled into the local bowling alley. Blaine’s eyebrows shot straight up. He didn’t know what he was expecting, but it most certainly wasn’t this.

“We’re bowling?” Blaine asked.

“That’s one part of the surprise,” Kurt explained, getting out of the car.

Blaine expected Kurt to head toward the entrance, but instead he bolted across the parking lot. The next thing Blaine knew, Kurt was wrapped up in Sam’s arms with Mercedes standing close by. Blaine frowned, he understood that Kurt needed friends other than him, but why Sam? Why was Sam so affectionate with him? It made no sense and it made Blaine uncomfortable. Blaine forced a smile on his face and went to hug Mercedes.

“Is this the other part of the surprise?” Blaine asked as he pulled back from Mercedes.

“Yes! Today we are treating ourselves to some couples bowling. Sam and I thought it would be fun to spend the afternoon with our favorite people, together,” Kurt explained.

Of course Kurt made the plans with Sam. Kurt had been begging Blaine to let them go on a double date with Sam and Mercedes since he found out they were dating, but Blaine had been holding out because he didn’t like watching Sam and Kurt together. If he didn’t know any better, Blaine would think Kurt was cheating on him with Sam. That was impossible because Sam was straight, but that was the only thing that put Blaine’s mind at ease.

“Wow, this is great,” Blaine said, putting a fake smile on his face.

Kurt’s whole face lit up at Blaine’s fake enthusiasm. “I’m glad you like it! Let’s go inside.”

They went inside and got in line to rent their shoes and pay for the lane. Most of the conversation consisted of Sam and Kurt riling each other up with Mercedes laughing and backing Sam up. She would’ve been participating in the conversation more, but she noticed Blaine was pouting about something. She nudged Blaine and told him to get his shit together before Kurt noticed Blaine wasn’t as excited to be there as he was. Blaine rolled his eyes but concealed his discontent a bit better.

Soon enough, everything was paid for, their shoes were on, and they had each picked a bowling ball.

“Do you want to do couple versus couple or every person for themselves?” Kurt asked since he was setting up the scoring system.

“Couple versus couple. It is a double date after all,” Sam replied, shooting a grin at Mercedes. “We’re so gonna win this thing.”

Mercedes laughed. “You underestimate my total lack of hand-eye coordination, but thank you for believing in me.”

Sam grinned and then kissed her on the cheek. “Of course I believe in you.” 

Kurt had the scoring system start the game and him and Blaine were prompted to go first. Blaine gestured for Kurt to go right ahead and take the first round. He could think of a million other things he’d rather do right now, but he figured if he humored Kurt this one time, then maybe he wouldn’t have to go on anymore lame double dates with Sam and Mercedes. 

Unlike Blaine, Kurt, Sam, and Mercedes were having a blast. They enjoyed the friendly competition and just spending time together, something they had never done at the same time before but clearly enjoyed. If you were looking at the group from an outside perspective, you would wonder what Blaine was doing with the other three because they were clearly best friends and Blaine looked like a petulant older brother forced to take his younger siblings out for the afternoon. 

They played a second round before going to get a pizza from the concession stand. Kurt, Sam, and Mercedes were talking about how much fun the afternoon had been and what they should do next time. Blaine sighed. He had hoped they wouldn’t be considering a next time, but it looked like he was going to be roped into another double date at the same time next week. He wished he could get Kurt away from Sam more often. Blaine always felt like Kurt pulled away from him whenever Sam was around, and he didn’t like that Sam’s friendship could replace Blaine’s romantic interest. A friend shouldn’t be more important than a significant other.

~*~*~

Sam and Mercedes went back to her house and into the family room to watch a movie. They had fun with Kurt and Blaine but they wanted some time to themselves to relax before Sam had to leave with his family to look at houses in Kentucky for the week.

“I wish we’d done something with them sooner. You know, Kurt had to make today a surprise for Blaine just to get him to agree to go out with us,” Sam explained.

Mercedes frowned. “He didn’t know? I know he doesn’t like double dates, but today being a surprise for Blaine seems like a bit much to get him to go on one.”

Sam saw the look on Mercedes face and he got really serious. “You saw it too, didn’t you?”

“Explain what you mean so we’re talking about the same thing,” Mercedes said.

“How Blaine pouts whenever Kurt isn’t paying attention to him. How Blaine clearly hates that Kurt and I are friends but he won’t admit, he’ll just stew and try to get Kurt to spend as much time with him as possible so he can’t spend any time with us. How Blaine glares at me whenever I hug Kurt,” Sam explained.

“Oh, yes. I know exactly what you’re talking about. I told him to cut the crap when we were in line for the shoes, but I think he just tried to mask it better because he knew I was onto him,” Mercedes replied.

“He thinks he’s really good at hiding it, I don’t think he knows that I know how much he doesn’t like my friendship with Kurt. He thinks I’m dumb and oblivious, and maybe I am sometimes, but not when it comes to Kurt. Not after what happened to him this year,” Sam said.

“I get what you mean. We may not be as close as we used to be, but I still watch out for him whenever we’re together. I was so happy for him when he told me he got a boyfriend, I hate that we can see what Blaine is like. And he doesn’t even know,” Mercedes stated.

“It sucks,” Sam agreed. “When he told me he liked Blaine, I was worried because he’d never met someone our age who’s out. I told him he shouldn’t like Blaine because he’s his only option for dating right now, and he said he liked Blaine for Blaine. Maybe Blaine is amazing to Kurt, but I don’t think that’s true.”

“If what we saw today meant anything, he probably treats Kurt like crap but he masks it so well with affection that Kurt doesn’t even know what’s happening. I’m not sure if we can say anything to him about Blaine though,” Mercedes said.

“I agree. I’ve hinted at it in the past, but he’s so sure he loves Blaine. If something really shitty happens, I’ll speak up, but until then I don’t think there’s anything we can say to him,” Sam said.

“Yeah,” Mercedes replied, cuddling into Sam’s chest. “Do you know anything about the houses you’re getting to see this week?”

Sam gave Mercedes a sad smile and explained to her what his parents told him about the area they were moving to and what kinds of places they were looking at. Mercedes listened to Sam talk with a sad smile. She wasn’t sure what she was going to do when he left, but she guessed she’d figure it out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I've been backlogging a whole bunch of this fic so I would actually finish it, which means I just finished writing Chapter 29 and this is Chapter 7. As I was writing those last couple chapters, I realized there is no gay panic representation in Glee that I can think of, and that has to count as a crime of some sort. In my world, Kurt Hummel has moments where he's too gay to function because if that isn't a mood, I don't know what is. (Feel free to correct me if I missed a moment where Kurt does gay panic. Just because I don't remember doesn't mean it didn't happen)


	8. Chapter 8

“Sammy! I missed you last week,” Kurt said as he answered the phone.

Sam laughed nervously. “I’m so sorry about that. I didn’t realize how chaotic this move would be. Transferring to McKinley wasn’t nearly this weird.”

“Weird how? You’ve been silent since you moved and I want to know how you’ve been,” Kurt replied.

“Well, turns out that Ohio and Tennessee’s requirements for graduating high school don’t match up with Kentucky’s, so I have to repeat my junior year if I’m going to graduate from high school here,” Sam explained.

“That’s insane. Is there any way you can load up on the required courses and graduate this year?” Kurt asked.

“I tried to do as much as possible, but there’s a lot of reading heavy classes and my homework takes me twice as long to do because of the dyslexia. I can only take so many classes before I’m completely overwhelmed,” Sam replied.

Kurt huffed. “This isn’t right. If there’s anything I can do to help, I will. I don’t care if both of us are insanely busy, I will make time to help you with anything you need.”

“Thanks, K, I really appreciate it,” Sam said, smiling at his friend’s generosity.

“I can hear in your voice there’s something else. What’s going on?” Kurt asked.

Sam sighed. “Well, it turns out that this job my dad has isn’t going to be paying as much as we thought it was going to. In order to keep the house we’re in, I have to work as much as I did last year.”

“Oh no. Do you at least have a decent job?”

“It’s not terrible,” Sam explained.

“I don’t like the sound of that,” Kurt replied.

“You don’t need to worry about me, K. I’ll be okay if I can just get through the next two years,” Sam reassured.

“You should only have to get through this year. I’ll do some thinking and see what I come up with,” Kurt said.

“You don’t have to do that, but thank you anyway. I miss you so much, K, you don’t even know,” Sam responded.

“I miss you too. I knew I was going to but I didn’t realize how lonely it would be without you. I thought I would be less lonely with Blaine being at McKinley with me,” Kurt explained.

“Blaine transferred? I don’t believe it,” Sam replied.

“Oh yeah. He’s a part of the New Directions and he’s stealing everyone’s hearts. We had auditions for the fall musical this week and he read for the lead after promising me he wouldn’t. He’s probably going to be cast for it too because the directors didn’t think I could be masculine enough. Maybe I should’ve made some different audition choices, but I don’t know. It hurts that he would do something like that after promising he wouldn’t,” Kurt said.

Sam was nodding along to what Kurt was saying even though Kurt couldn’t see him. “I get it. He shouldn’t have read for it after saying he wouldn’t. It’s one thing if the directors decided to cast him without him reading for it, but that’s a huge breach of trust. I know you love him, but you should probably tell him that you know he did that and why that wasn’t okay.”

“Probably, I just don’t wanna deal with confrontation. I technically wasn’t supposed to watch his audition so I don’t know what he’d think about that. I was there because I love watching him perform, which I think he would understand. It’s all so stressful,” Kurt said.

“High school is stressful. I didn’t sign up for this,” Sam stated.

Kurt laughed. “Life is stressful. I didn’t sign up for it either.”

“Can I Skype you on Sunday? I could use some help with some of my homework for this weekend and you’ve always been so good with explaining things to me when I needed it in the past,” Sam asked.

“Of course, anything you need. You can always text me if you have short questions that don’t involve long explanations,” Kurt replied.

“Thanks, K. I appreciate you more than you know,” Sam said.

“I appreciate you too, Sammy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've decided that Sam isn't going to be a stripper in this AU because it just didn't end up fitting into the story. I meant for it to, but sometimes things just don't happen the way you plan them, like Finn constantly inserting himself into this when I don't mean him to.


	9. Chapter 9

Kurt watched Blaine walk back toward Scandals for a moment before he got in the car. He immediately burst into tears and pulled his phone out.

To Sammy: Hey, I know it’s late but can I call you?

Kurt tried to calm himself down while he waited for Sam’s response.

From Sammy: Of course

Kurt’s phone lit up with an incoming call seconds later. He answered it and let out a shaky breath.

“Hey, K. What’s up?”

Kurt thought he had calmed down, but as soon as he heard Sam’s voice he burst into tears again. Sam’s eyes went huge. Kurt never cried like this, something was clearly very, very wrong and Sam was too far away to give his best friend a hug.

“Hey, hey, hey. I’m here now, tell me what’s going on and I’ll help you however I can,” Sam said.

Kurt calmed down enough to speak. “Today has been really shitty. I wish you were here to hug me right now. I could really use a classic Sam Evans hug.”

“I wish I could hug you too, but we have to settle for being able to talk,” Sam replied.

Kurt nodded. “I know. I just really need you right now and you’re so far away.”

“Thanksgiving is coming up. I can see if I can come to Lima and we can hang out,” Sam said.

“That would be great, but it doesn’t help me right now,” Kurt replied.

“You wanna talk about what made you so upset?” Sam asked. He didn’t want to push Kurt, but he had never heard Kurt be this upset before. It was concerning and Sam didn’t like it.

“Not really but I feel like if I don’t talk about it I’ll just end up crying myself to sleep tonight,” Kurt replied. He took a deep breath and gathered his thoughts. “Blaine and I went to a gay bar with a guy who goes to Dalton. He was really into Blaine and managed to get him drunk. He also danced with Blaine for half the night and that alone was really upsetting. I eventually got Blaine out of there to take him home and he tried to get me to have sex with him in the back of his car. He didn’t like that I was saying no and got mad at me for not being spontaneous enough. I think he went back into the club to find the guy from Dalton, but I don’t know. I don’t want to deal with him, I’ll talk to him tomorrow.”

Sam’s concern for Kurt increased dramatically as he was explaining what happened. From everything Kurt just told him, it sounding like Blaine was extremely close to raping Kurt and that if Kurt had been even a little bit drunk that he would’ve had sex with Blaine tonight. 

“I’m coming back to Lima. I don’t know how, but I’m coming back,” Sam said.

“What do you mean? Blaine was a bit rough tonight, but it’s nothing to worry about. I’m sure he’ll come to his senses when he’s sober,” Kurt replied.

“I don’t care. I’m going to find a way to come back to Lima because I don’t want you to be alone. I have to be there for you,” Sam explained.

“I’ll be okay, Sammy. It was a one time thing, there’s no reason for you to push yourself to come back if it isn’t realistic. Would you even be able to graduate on time if you transferred back?” Kurt asked.

“I’m taking the same classes I would’ve been taking this semester at McKinley, I’m sure I can figure something out with Miss Pillsbury and Principal Figgins. I’m coming back to you, K. I need to come back to you,” Sam said.

Kurt could tell that there was nothing he could say to Sam that would make him change his mind. “At least let me ask my dad and Carole if you can stay with us. I don’t want you to have to work full time just to be able to move back here.”

“You can talk to them about it, but I’m not going to pin all my hopes on it. I’ve already been working on some stuff to see if I could come back for the spring anyway, I’ll see if I can speed those things along so I can come back earlier,” Sam explained.

“Okay. You don’t have to do this though. I’ll really be okay if you don’t come back,” Kurt said.

“I have to try,” Sam replied. 

They said goodnight to each other and Sam flopped back on his bed. He knew he told Mercedes he wouldn’t try to contact her, but he had to know Kurt would be okay until he was able to get back to Lima.

To Mercedes: Can you keep an eye on Kurt? He’s been having a rough time and could really use a friend right now

From Mercedes: Sure  
Is he ok?

To Mercedes: He says he is but idk  
Someone needs to look out for him until I come back

From Mercedes: Come back? How on earth are you coming back?

To Mercedes: Idk, I just need to  
Please just make sure he’s still in one piece when I get there

From Mercedes: Something happened with Blaine

To Mercedes: It’s not my place to talk about it  
You know how Blaine is with him tho

From Mercedes: I do  
I’ll see you soon then

To Mercedes: You will

From Mercedes: Don’t come after me please, I’m with Shane now

To Mercedes: I know  
Anything can happen tho

From Mercedes: Sure  
Whatever you say


	10. Chapter 10

“Mom, Dad, I need to talk to you about something,” Sam said.

His parents put down what they were doing and sat down at the table with Sam, giving him their full attention.

“I’m not sure if you’re aware of this, but this move has been really hard on me. I’m repeating another grade and I don’t have any friends here. I’m working thirty hours a week to help with stuff around the house. I’m not sure how much longer I can keep this up,” Sam explained.

His mom nodded in understanding. “We figured you were having a hard time. We’re so sorry that this move wasn’t as smooth as the last one, we wish there was something we could do to help.”

“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about. Is there any chance I could go back to Lima? I would be able to finish out my senior year at McKinley and maybe try to go to college next year,” Sam said.

His dad took a deep breath. “We were waiting for you to ask us this. Your mom and I didn’t want to bring it up because we weren’t sure if you felt comfortable in Lima. You remember why we had to leave Tennessee, Lima isn’t any better.”

“Nobody knows though, not even Kurt or Mercedes. I would be safe, I could finish high school, and maybe even have time to be a teenager if I don’t have to work full time to support myself,” Sam replied.

“You really haven’t told Kurt? I would’ve thought you would’ve told him by now,” Mrs. Evans said, very confused.

“I want to, I just know what he went through and how awful it was. I know he wouldn’t tell anyone, I’m just scared to be open with anyone in Lima,” Sam explained.

“Then why would you want to go back there specifically? You could go to another state with the same graduation requirements as Ohio and Tennessee and still graduate this year without the fear of something like Bryan happening,” Mr. Evans reasoned.

“Lima is where my friends are. I’d only have to get through six months, and no one suspects a thing anyway. Most people’s only experience with the LGBTQ+ community is Kurt, I can be stealth until I leave as long as I don’t make myself into a carbon copy of Kurt,” Sam said.

“He’s your best friend though,” Mrs. Evans replied.

“I can still love him and respect him without being a carbon copy of him,” Sam stated.

“Valid point,” Mrs. Evans responded. Sam’s parents shared a long glance before nodding toward each other. “Look, we’ll let you go back to Lima if you can find someone to stay with. You’re not living on your own in an apartment, part of the point would be to be a teenager for your last few months of high school, not to barely get by. You also need to keep your grades up in order to graduate, so you can’t be working all the time anyway. If something happens and you’re in any danger, come to Kentucky immediately. You can’t be happy if you aren’t safe.”

Sam opened and closed his mouth in shock. “Seriously? You’re going to let me move back to Ohio without you?”

“You’re eighteen, son. You don’t have to live with us and you’ve done a lot of growing up over the past year. This was supposed to be your last year of high school, if you can find a safe way to finish this year, your mom and I want you to do that. You also deserve to be a kid for a bit before you actually have to start working full time to support yourself,” Mr. Evans said.

Sam grinned and pulled both of his parents into bear hugs. “Thank you so much! I’ll go see if anyone from the New Directions will let me crash with them.”

Sam bounded up the stairs, his parents watched him with fond smiles on their faces. They knew he was going to ask to go back to Lima eventually, he was very vocal about not wanting to move and was making plans to go back the entire time they'd been in Kentucky. They just wondered why it took Sam so long to ask or why he didn't end up staying in Lima in the first place.

~*~*~

“Kurt, Kurt, Kurt! Guess what?”

“Hi! Um, I don’t know but something exciting just happened,” Kurt replied, surprised by Sam’s infectious excitement.

“My parents said I can move back to Lima if I can find some place to stay!” Sam explained, unable to contain his grin.

“Really? That’s so amazing! I’ll go get my dad and Carole and see what they think, hang on,” Kurt said.

Kurt got Burt and Carole into the living room and put Sam on speaker phone. Sam explained why he wanted to move back to Lima and what his parents thought about it. Burt and Carole took a moment to think about the information.

“We certainly have the room, we almost never have overnight guests so the guest room is open,” Carole said.

Burt nodded. “That’s true. Would you be willing to pay for your phone and whatever transportation you’re using?”

“Of course. The only reason I have a phone and a car is because I pay for them,” Sam said.

“Well, you can stay with us if you want,” Burt said. Carole nodded in agreement.

“Thank you so, so much! I promise I will be the perfect roommate, any chores you want done will be done by me. I can cook too,” Sam said.

Kurt could barely keep himself from squealing. He stood up and hugged Carole and Burt. “Thank you so much,” he whispered as he took his phone back into his room.

~*~*~

It was the week of Sectionals and Finn and Rachel were plotting what to do about her suspension. They needed a twelfth member to compete, but they had no idea who they could get in on short notice. Finn knew that Sam moved, but he didn’t know much about how, where, or why. He decided to go ask Kurt if he knew anything.

Finn knocked on Kurt’s door. “Kurt? Can I talk to you?”

Kurt opened the door. “Yeah, sure. Come on in.”

Finn sat down on the vanity chair while Kurt sat on the bed. 

“Do you know what happened to Sam? I know he moved, but I don’t really know what happened to him,” Finn asked.

“Of course I know what happened to Sam, we’ve been texting each other every day since September,” Kurt replied, shaking his head. “He was in Kentucky, but now he’s coming back here so he can finish high school this year. He’s going to be moving in with us after Christmas so he can do his last semester here.”

“Really? Why didn’t I know about this?” Finn asked, very confused.

“This plan was made yesterday while you were out with Rachel which is why you didn’t know,” Kurt explained.

“Oh, yeah. Well, is there anyway he could come back earlier? You know we need a twelfth member to compete in Sectionals,” Finn said.

“Sectionals is next weekend, Finn, that’s way too short notice,” Kurt replied, wondering why Finn would ask such a thing.

“You say that now, but you’ll think differently when you hear me sing,” Sam said, peeking into Kurt’s room.

Kurt’s whole face lit up and he dashed over to pull Sam into a hug. “Sammy! I thought you wouldn’t be here until after Christmas.”

“And leave y’all hanging for Sectionals? Not a chance. Besides, I won’t have to do a ton of catch up work to finish this semester, all my classes are the same and McKinley is behind the curriculum my school in Kentucky was using. I’ll be fine,” Sam explained.

“I couldn’t leave you alone for long anyway. As soon as I had a way to get to Lima, I came to protect you,” Sam whispered into Kurt’s ear.

“You don’t have to protect me. Blaine loves me,” Kurt whispered back.

Finn just looked really confused. Kurt and Sam were basically hanging off each other, he didn’t know two dudes could do that as friends.

“It’s good to see you, dude. We have to plan a number for you to do for glee club on Monday before we start rehearsing,” Finn said.

“Yes! Let me know what you’re picking and we can work on it together. We need some trio realness in the choir room on Monday,” Kurt replied. He couldn’t wait to hear Sam sing again, he never sang enough and this would be the perfect opportunity for Kurt to geek out and record him.

“Sure. I’ll think about it and get back to you,” Sam said.

Kurt pulled him into another hug. “I’m so glad you came back.”

“Me too, K,” Sam replied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just realized that the song "Man or Muppet" was released in 2011, which meant that they totally could've sung it on "Glee", and the fact that no sung that song during the muppet fever dream episode is a crime and we should all recognize it as such. Also, thank you all for reading this!! It means so much to me that every time I look at the hits, they continue to go up and people are continuing to kudos and comment. I appreciate it more than you know!!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now, it is time for the angst that isn't written by the writers of Glee! I know you've all been waiting anxiously for this moment.
> 
> TW: death and hate crime mentions. There's nothing graphic, but if you need to skip it, it's directly mentioned in the paragraph after "What happened?" After that, they're just referencing it and being good friend buddies. Stay safe and I hope you enjoy!!

Sam knocked on Kurt’s door. It was just after midnight, which Sam recognized was a little late but he knew that Kurt would still be up. He was right, Kurt opened up the door not even thirty seconds later.

“Hey. What are you doing here so late?” Kurt asked.

“I was wondering if I could talk to you? I was having trouble falling asleep,” Sam explained.

Kurt let him into the room and they sat on the bed. 

“Can we cuddle? I’ve missed being close to you and I’m still not used to having a bed to myself. It’s why I couldn’t sleep, actually,” Sam asked.

“Of course. C’mere,” Kurt replied, gathering Sam into his arms.

Kurt could feel the tension drain from Sam’s body as he relaxed into Kurt’s arms. He had forgotten how cathartic is was to hold someone like this. Blaine didn’t like tons of close contact if they weren’t being sexually intimate with each other, so Kurt always treasured these moments with Sam. He preferred this kind of physical contact to the stuff he normally did with Blaine, but Blaine didn’t need to know that.

Sam sighed. “I know I’ve said this a million times already, but I missed you.”

Kurt laughed softly. “I missed you too. I still can’t believe you’re here and it’s been a month.”

“Yeah,” Sam replied. They stayed silent for a moment, just enjoying each other’s company. 

“I didn’t just come in here because I wanted to cuddle with you, although this is pretty great,” Sam said.

Kurt shifted so he could look at Sam. “What’s up?”

“I want to tell you something. I haven’t talked about this since it happened because I’m so scared it’ll happen again, but I really want you to know this about me,” Sam said.

“Okay,” Kurt replied, waiting for Sam to continue.

Sam took a deep breath. “I never told you why my family originally needed to move to Ohio. You know I went to an all-boys school in Tennessee because my parents had a lot more money and it was the best school in the area for kids with dyslexia. I was a day student, and because I was a part of the learning disabilities program, I didn’t have many friends. I was only friends with one guy, Bryan. He was amazing, you remind me of him all the time. It’s one of the reasons I’m so gravitated toward you. He was kind, compassionate, he treated me like a real person instead of my disability, and we were both huge sci-fi/fantasy nerds.”

“What happened?”

“We fell in love. It happened so fast, but it felt so right. We were dating in secret because our parents didn’t know we were into dudes. That was part of the fun though, having something that was just for us. It was so magical, I loved him so much. Everything was perfect, but one day we were making out in his room and his brother caught us. He outed us to the whole school which led us to being viciously attacked. It was very similar to what you went through, except the bullies were expelled. We tried to never be out after dark or alone because the bullies still lived in the same town, but Bryan thought it would be okay to walk the half mile between my house and his after a study date one night. Turned out the bullies were stalking us and jumped him when he was halfway home. They dragged him into the woods near where we lived and beat him to death. He was found the next day. My parents freaked out and moved to the first place my dad could get a job. It’s why we had so much money tied up in the move, we had to get out of there before I was killed.”

Kurt just laid there in shock. “Sammy, I have no idea what to say. I’m so sorry you went through that.”

“Unfortunately, that was life in Tennessee. Not that Lima is any better, but at least here no one knows and I can pass as straight well enough that no one suspects anything. Well, except you of course,” Sam explained.

“The closest I got with you was undetermined. The dyed hair really threw me off,” Kurt replied, his face pulling into a soft smile as he ran a hand through Sam’s hair.

Sam leaned into the touch. “I put lemon juice in it because I wanted to leave the person who I was with Bryan behind. It was a small thing to change, but it was tangible and I needed physical change at the time. I also thought it would make me cool.”

“Hmm. So are you gay or bi? You were really into Mercedes and Quinn, so I’m placing my bets on bi. I don’t wanna assume though,” Kurt asked.

“Bi, although I might have a preference for guys. It depends on where I am and who I like,” Sam explained.

“Makes sense,” Kurt replied. He pulled Sam into a hug. “I’ll support you no matter what. I’m so sorry something so awful happened to you, but I will make sure you and your significant other never end up in that kind of situation ever again. I can protect you from the world like you protect me.”

“I’d like that,” Sam responded, squeezing Kurt tight.

Kurt loosened his grip a little. “Is that why you were so protective of me last year?”

“Who says I’m not protective of you now?” Sam said with a grin. “In all seriousness, yes. When I found out about what was happening to you and how scared you were, I just saw where I was with Bryan the year before and wanted to do everything in my power to make sure you didn’t end up like him. I barely lived through it once, I couldn’t do it a second time even though I didn’t know you that well.”

“Thank you. I can stop teasing you about how protective you are of me if you need me to,” Kurt said.

“I don’t mind that, I just don’t want to be teased about Bryan or what happened to him,” Sam replied.

“I would never make fun of that. Hate crimes are no joke, especially when I know I’m the ultimate target if I ever ‘give’ someone the chance to target me like that. That’s why I offered to stop teasing you about it in general, I thought it might hit too close to home,” Kurt explained.

“Thank you for that, but general teasing is okay. It’s a part of our playful banter, and I like our playful banter,” Sam responded, grinning at Kurt.

Kurt grinned back. “I like it too. You wanna sleep in here tonight? I feel like I need to hold you but I know I’m going to fall asleep really soon.”

“That would be great,” Sam replied, snuggling back into Kurt’s arms.

After twenty minutes, Kurt thought he heard Sam’s breathing even out. He kissed the top of Sam’s head. “Thank you for trusting me, Sammy. I love you.”


	12. Chapter 12

Sam kissed Mercedes after they finished singing “Human Nature”. Mercedes could feel Sam smiling into the kiss and couldn’t help but smile back. Everything she felt for him over the summer was there in that kiss, but then she remembered why she insisted on ending it when he moved.

Sam was still grinning when Mercedes pulled back. Her smile returned but then faded slowly. “Let’s go sit down. I need to talk to you.”

They got comfortable and shifted so they were facing each other.

Mercedes took a deep breath. “There’s a reason why I insisted on breaking up when you moved. It’s the same reason why I’ve been insisting what happened between us was just a summer fling and that you needed to move on. I didn’t tell you because I thought maybe you’d realize what it was by now and maybe do something about it.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about. We were good together, ‘Cedes. We can be good again,” Sam replied.

“I’m just going to say it. You’re in love with Kurt, not me. And before you say anything, I know it’s true. Whenever we would spend time with Kurt and Blaine over the summer, I saw the way you looked at him. Honestly, I’m surprised that no one else has noticed because you’ve got bad. Like, real bad. Also, you’ve been so protective of him, and for the situation he’s in I totally get it because I only know bits and pieces and I’m scared for him, but your concern for him is deeper than that. I know you want to whisk him away from Blaine and keep him in a cocoon of love, and I think if you were honest with yourself, you’d want to be that cocoon of love.”

Sam just stared at Mercedes in shock. “I have no idea what to say. I don’t think about Kurt in that way, he’s my best friend and I love him like a brother.”

“You say that, but I really what you to think about it. I know you really cared about Quinn, and you clearly still care about me, but is it in the same way you care about Kurt?” Mercedes asked.

“I care about you differently than I care about Kurt because I see you romantically and Kurt like a brother,” Sam insisted.

“Really think about it. If you can come back to me a week from now and confidently say that you aren’t in love with Kurt Hummel, I’d be willing to give us a chance again. I just can’t be with you if you’re in love with someone else, it wouldn’t be fair to you or to me,” Mercedes said. She got up and gave him a kiss on the cheek as she left the auditorium.

~*~*~

Later that week, Kurt came bounding into Sam’s room.

“Sammy! I got my NYADA letter!” Kurt exclaimed.

Sam looked over and saw the excitement radiating from Kurt. There was a lightness to him that he hadn’t seen in a while.

“What does it say?” Sam asked.

“I’m a finalist! I’m going to audition in person for the NYADA faculty!” Kurt said, bouncing on the balls of his feet.

Sam laughed and swept Kurt into a hug. “Congratulations, K! I’m so proud of you. If you need any help with your audition, just let me know, okay?”

Kurt squealed. “I don’t know yet, I’m just so excited! Things are really starting to happen for me. I know I applied to those other schools in case this didn’t happen, but maybe I will get to live my biggest dream after all!”

Sam hugged Kurt again. “You know I’ll always be there to cheer you on no matter what you do. You’re amazing and I’m sure you’ll get to do everything you want whether that means going to NYADA or somewhere else.”

“Thanks for believing in me. I believe in you too, you know. You’re getting out of this cow town with me, I just know it,” Kurt replied, flashing Sam a dazzling smile. 

Sam smiled back at Kurt. He remembered what Mercedes had said to him, and looking at Kurt now with his infectious excitement, it hit him. He felt the exact same way about Kurt that he felt about Bryan, although this was stronger somehow. Sam realized he had it bad, and he had no idea what he was going to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Even though we don't ship Sam and Mercedes in this universe, we stan Amber Riley and Chord Overstreet's version of "Human Nature". Best song on the show, hands down. Some songs compete, but that one takes the cake for me and I will not apologize for it.


	13. Chapter 13

Sam walked into the kitchen to find Kurt baking like a mad man. He wandered over to the counter where there was a line of Tupperware containers to see what treats Kurt had already made.

“Snickerdoodles, brownies, apple crumble, and something else on the way. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you’re stress baking,” Sam said, leaning against the counter next to Kurt.

“Blaine is getting his surgery this week and his parents told me I’m not allowed to visit him until he recovers. I have to do something with all this nervous energy,” Kurt explained.

Sam nodded. “You want any help?”

“Can you wash the dishes while I get this in the oven? We can make sugar cookies after I finish this souffle,” Kurt said, pulling out the tin he needed.

Sam went over and started washing everything. By the time he was done, Kurt had gotten the souffle in the oven and was working on the sugar cookies like he said he would.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Sam asked.

“There’s not much to say. My boyfriend is getting eye surgery and I’m not allowed to visit him. I can’t text or call because he’s not allowed to use his phone until he gets the patch taken off. It’s also Valentine’s Day this week which reminds me of all the shit that happened last year. And then with Finn and Rachel wanting to get married, everything is just super weird and I don’t know how to handle anything right now. Therefore, I am putting my energy into baking because it’s something tangible and I can eat my weight in sugar and flour when I’m done,” Kurt explained.

“Didn’t you just say there wasn’t much to say?” Sam joked, nudging Kurt a little.

Kurt’s face broke into a small smile. “I know. I guess there was more happening than I thought and I haven’t been talking to anyone about it.”

“I’m right across the hall, you know. And I’m always down for some cuddle and talk time with my best friend,” Sam said. 

“The last time we cuddled and talked, you came out to me. Why was that a month ago?” Kurt asked.

“I don’t know, but I feel like it’s been a month too long,” Sam replied.

“You know, Finn and my parents are going to the Berry’s house on Friday for dinner. We could have movie and cuddle time before going to Sugar’s party,” Kurt said.

“That would be awesome,” Sam responded, moving to help Kurt cut the cookie dough into circles. 

“I’ve been meaning to ask you about something,” Kurt said.

“Shoot.”

“I’ve seen you and Mercedes stealing glances across the choir room. Are you trying to win her back even though she has a boyfriend?” Kurt asked.

“I was, but we talked and she helped me realize I have feelings for someone else. I think she might still be into me, but I agree with her that I can’t try to be with her while my mind is committed to someone else,” Sam explained.

“Someone else? Do I know this someone?” Kurt asked, a teasing smile on his face.

Sam took a deep breath. Kurt smiling at him made him all tingly inside in a way Mercedes and Quinn never did. “Of course you do. It doesn’t matter anyway, they’re with someone else and they won’t ever see me as a potential romantic partner, so I’m just going to try and move on.”

“Sounds like you have a crush on a straight boy. I understand, the feeling of unrequited love stings, but you’ll find someone who is interested in you the way you’re interested in them. Maybe it’ll be another gay or bi boy,” Kurt replied, winking at him.

Sam wanted to scream. He wanted to yell out to the world how much he cared for Kurt and how he could treat Kurt so much better than Blaine ever had, but he knew Kurt wouldn’t know what to say to him. He knew Kurt would totally shut down if he said anything like that to him. So, he didn’t scream. He just smiled sadly and continued cutting out cookie dough.

“Maybe one day I will. Even though the jocks at McKinley would burn me at the stake, I want to date a guy again. There’s something about guys that are so much easier than girls, although I do still get taken by feminine charms sometimes,” Sam said.

Kurt laughed. “That’s another interesting question. Do you see yourself having a long-term partner, and if you do, would they be a guy or a girl?”

Sam thought for a moment. “I think I could have a long-term partner one day, and right now I think it would be a guy. I mean, I’m attracted to girls, but I’ve always had a stronger connection to guys. It may sound crazy, but if Bryan hadn’t died I really think I could’ve married him. I didn’t feel that way with Quinn or Mercedes. I mean, I tried with Quinn, but it wasn’t real in the same way it was with Bryan.”

Kurt nodded and stuck the cookies in the oven. He got the stuff out to make royal icing. 

“I’m still so sorry you had to live through that at such a young age. I mean, we’re not significantly older now, but I know that if I lost a boyfriend in that way sophomore year, I probably would’ve tried to end my life,” Kurt said. He pulled Sam into a hug and gave him a deep squeeze.

Sam squeezed him back. “If I’m being honest, the only thing that kept me alive was my parents moving me out of that school. And then I became friends with you. I am being totally honest when I say that our coffee dates gave me a reason to live and smile again.”

Kurt laughed. “I’m honored that I could be that force of good for you even though I was in a destructive place myself. You’re also a big reason why I found strength to keep going.”

“Blaine didn’t have more to do with that?” Sam asked. 

“Well, I mean, having a boyfriend who is proud to be who he is has been amazing, but I don’t really know how long it’s going to last. I’d love to spend my life with him and we have similar enough dreams that I don’t think I’ll outgrow him in the same way Rachel is going to outgrow Finn, but I don’t know if we have the staying power,” Kurt explained.

Sam was shocked. “I thought he was the person you’ve been looking for your whole life.”

“Blaine said that, I never did. I will say I’m scared of things not working out with him. I’m not the most desirable person ever, so I feel like there aren’t a lot of people who would actually want to be my partner for the rest of my life,” Kurt said.

“You’re joking, right? Any man would be lucky to have a man who is as thoughtful, kind, talented, and gorgeous as you are,” Sam replied.

“You flatter me, Evans, you really do,” Kurt said, trying to brush him off.

“I’m serious, Kurt. If I ever find out that Blaine doesn’t see you for everything that you are, I will smack some sense into him because he is so freaking lucky to have you in his life,” Sam stated.

“That’s not what Rachel thinks,” Kurt whispered.

“What do you mean?” Sam replied, his voice just as low.

“Whenever we talk about Blaine and Finn, she says all these things about how lovely it is that Finn is her lover and biggest supporter. Then she’ll go on about how Blaine is so amazing and talented and the biggest catch in Ohio and I was lucky enough that he chose me. She never says anything about how great it is that I chose him to be my partner. According to her, Blaine is God’s gift to me and I’m never going to do better,” Kurt explained.

“Please tell me you know she’s wrong,” Sam begged.

“She’s saying things I’ve heard my whole life. Since my mom died, every good thing in my life is a stroke of luck. I don’t deserve or earn any of it, the universe is just being nice to me that day. Blaine is just the most recent good thing the universe decided to give to me,” Kurt said.

“That’s insane. You work so hard and you’ve been through so much. You deserve way more than you’ve gotten, and don’t argue with me because I know it’s true. I’ll say it once and I’ll say it again, you’re amazing, K. You’re going to make it big one day because a casting director is going to take one look at you and see all the awesomeness that you are and they’ll figure out how to broadcast it to the world. Or you’ll find a way to do it yourself. And I’ll be right there, cheering you on because you’re my best friend and I want to watch you succeed.”

“You really think I could make a name for myself?” Kurt asked.

“I know you can,” Sam replied, giving Kurt a warm smile.

The timer beeped for the cookies and Kurt pulled them out to cool. Sam dyed the icing different colors and put it into piping bags so they could go crazy detailed with the cookies. They both hopped on the counter when they were done to wait for the cookies to finish cooling.

“I haven’t told anyone else this, but I’ve applied to schools other than NYADA. I applied to Julliard, NYU, Barnard, and some fashion schools like the FIT and Parsons School of Design. I want to perform, but I don’t want to limit myself to musical theatre or give up on the childhood idea of being a designer one day. I’m going to see where I get in and what school gives me the best financial aid. Rachel doesn’t like to think about it, but there’s more than one way to go to New York, and I would be happy going to any of those schools,” Kurt said.

“Wow. Those are really good schools, K. I’m sure you’ll get in somewhere, even if it isn’t NYADA,” Sam replied.

“Thanks, Sammy. I appreciate you,” Kurt said with a smile. “You never talk about what you’re going to do after you graduate.”

“That’s because I don’t really know. I’ve thought about college, but I’m not sure it’s for me. My SATs are really bad so I don’t think I could get in anywhere. I like music and performing, but I’m also really into the art classes I’ve taken over the years. I think I’m going to take a gap year. Save some money, maybe travel the world with one of those gap year student volunteer programs or a mission trip. I don’t have to know what I want to do with the rest of my life right now, why not give myself some time to float and figure it out?” Sam explained.

“I can honestly say I’ve never thought about doing that, but I can see why you’d want to. You’ve just been able to completely settle somewhere for the first time since Bryan died, so it’s no wonder why you wouldn’t know what you want yet,” Kurt replied.

“I’m glad you see it the way I do. I feel like Mr. Schue would eat me alive if he knew I didn’t know what I wanted from life,” Sam said.

Kurt laughed, “When I think about it, I’m not sure he knows you’re a senior, so you’d probably be able to fly under his radar until you walk across the stage at graduation.”

“Wow, I think you’re right. I’m definitely not going to say anything. I don’t need him and everyone else in glee club knowing why I want to just let life happen to me for a little bit,” Sam replied. 

“At least he hasn’t tried to stage any interventions yet. I don’t know who’s going to get an intervention, but I feel sorry for them already. Mr. Schue’s interventions are the worst. He doesn’t totally get what some of us are struggling with and he approaches everything with a ‘holier than thou’ attitude. You know he told me to be less angry at the world during the height of my bullying last year?” Kurt said.

“He did not.”

“Oh, he did. I had every right to be angry and he wanted me to let it all go. He said something about how I was better than them and if I could just hang on a little longer, everything would be okay. I’d felt angry at the world and like I was hanging on by the skin of my teeth since my mom died. Hell, I still feel that way sometimes. He can just be so out of touch sometimes, I don’t want you to experience that,” Kurt said.

“I appreciate that. I won’t say anything about my plans if you don’t,” Sam stated, a teasing smile on his face.

“You know I won’t,” Kurt replied, flashing him a dazzling smile in return.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: There's a very vague reference to suicidal ideation. It's a blink and you miss it type of thing, but I want to make sure y'all are staying safe!!

Kurt and Sam were in the family room playing Mario Cart when Finn got home from the meeting he had with Mr. Schue and Coach Sue. He was surprised to see Kurt playing a video game with Sam and having a blast, although he realized that this kind of thing was becoming more and more common recently. Since Sam moved in with them, Kurt spent a lot less time in his room and more time out in the house laughing and hanging out with Sam. Usually, Finn gave them a wide berth, but he was feeling kind of shaken up from the meeting and he needed a distraction, so he asked if he could join them.

“Sure. We’ll set up a third controller after we finish this round,” Kurt said, throwing a shell back behind him and pushing Sam toward the edge of the course.

“Hey! I thought we had an alliance against all the other drivers!” Sam exclaimed.

“Mario Cart is every man for himself and you know it, Evans,” Kurt replied, speeding into fourth place.

Sam huffed and focused on getting as far ahead as he could. In the end, Kurt finished second and Sam was in fifth place. Kurt exited back to the main menu so they could hook a third controller up.

“What’s up, Finn? You okay?” Kurt asked.

“Of course I’m okay, why wouldn’t I be?” Finn replied.

“You never hang out with us. Clearly, you need to get your mind off something,” Kurt explained.

“I don’t wanna talk about it right now. Can we just play the game?” Finn asked.

Kurt and Sam nodded, and they all started playing another round. They played six more races, each of them taking turns selecting a course twice. Kurt exited back to the main menu, much to the disgruntlement of Finn and Sam.

“I don’t know about you two, but I’m hungry,” Kurt said before taking off up the stairs. 

Sam immediately got up to follow him with Finn not far behind. When they got into the kitchen, Kurt had all the makings for their favorite sandwiches and was starting to put them together. He placed a sandwich in front of Sam and then in front of Finn. When he finished making his, he walked around the island and sat at the breakfast bar next to Sam. 

“I know you don’t talk to us about what’s bothering you very much, but I feel like I can safely say that we’re here for you if you need anything,” Kurt said. Sam nodded in agreement. He may not like Finn very much, but he knew what it meant to have a friend to talk to when someone was going through a rough time.

Finn sighed and pushed his plate away from him. “That whole dance competition in glee today was fixed. Me, Santana, and Mercedes were picked as the finalists so Mr. Schue and Coach Sue could give us an intervention and tell us we needed to figure out what to do with our lives. It just sucks because I feel like I’m being pulled in so many directions that I don’t even know how to begin to figure out what I want, and everyone thinks I should know by the time I graduate. I just feel lost and confused and I don’t think making figuring out my future my glee assignment for the week is going to help.”

Kurt was baffled. “You’re totally right. That’s not going to help you at all. Why can’t Mr. Schue see that not everybody knows what they want right out of high school? Sure, I may know what I want but that’s because the only reason I’m alive is because of my ability to daydream about the future. I hope you know there’s no rush, Finn. You just have to do what feels right for you right now. Things like college will still be there when and if you want to do them.”

“I agree with K. You can always just do what I’m doing, which is taking a gap year to figure things out. I’ve also been pulled around a lot these past few years, I can’t just finish high school and go to college, it doesn’t make sense,” Sam said.

“Wait, you’re a senior?” Finn asked.

“Yeah, one of the reasons I came back to Ohio was so I could graduate on time,” Sam explained.

“Right, right, right. I forgot. Sorry,” Finn said.

“It’s okay. Just, know that taking some time to just work and think away from high school is totally valid and Mr. Schue and Rachel shouldn’t get down on you if that’s what you want to do,” Sam replied, patting Finn on the shoulder.

“Thanks guys. You’ve been way more helpful than Mr. Schue and Rachel. We should talk more,” Finn said.

“Well, you know where to find us if you need anything,” Kurt stated. 

Finn nodded and thanked Kurt for the sandwich. He headed up to his room afterwards to get started on his homework. Sam took the plates they were using and started loading the dishwasher.

“Was it just me or did Finn say Mercedes was a part of the ‘figure out your life intervention’?” Sam asked.

“If it was a hallucination, then we shared it. You know Mercedes as well as I do, she’s had her heart set on L.A. and a recording contract for as long as we’ve been friends,” Kurt replied.

“She’s good enough to do it too. If only there was a way for her to break into the business,” Sam said.

“It’s all about being in the right place in the right time. If one person likes you enough, you’ll get signed on and promoted by them,” Kurt explained.

Sam nodded. He knew what he had to do.

~*~*~

To Mercedes: Can you meet me in the astronomy classroom before school tomorrow?  
I wanna talk to you

From Mercedes: Sure  
What time?

~*~*~

Sam showed Mercedes the video he had taken of her. She was really confused, Sam never filmed glee club assignments.

“I don’t understand. Why are you showing me a video of myself?” Mercedes asked.

“One of the birdies I live with told me that Mr. Schue didn’t think you had a dream. I knew this was wrong of course, so I had to film the performance you were sure to give this week. I wanted to ask you if I could put this on YouTube,” Sam explained.

“Why would you do that? No one would watch a silly video of me singing ‘Disco Inferno’,” Mercedes replied.

“Well, me and Kurt were talking and we knew you wanted to break into the recording business in L.A. It’s all about being discovered by someone, so I thought maybe you could be discovered if you started putting some of your performances online. It’s how Justin Bieber became famous, why couldn’t it happen to you? You’re definitely good enough,” Sam said.

“I don’t know what to say. I can’t imagine being discovered like Justin Bieber,” Mercedes responded.

“Think about it, okay? Me and Kurt will always support you, you just have to make sure you get us tickets to your first concert,” Sam said with a smile.

Mercedes grinned back at him. “It’s nice to know my favorite couple believes in me so much.”

“You do realize he’s still dating Blaine, right?” Sam asked.

“Oh, I know. But I also think you’ll win him over one day,” Mercedes explained.

“Fat chance. I told him I was crushing on him by vaguely describing him and he thought I was crushing on a straight guy,” Sam said.

“That must have been one vague description because there is no one like Kurt Hummel in Lima,” Mercedes replied.

Sam sighed. “I may love him, but I’m not a homewrecker. Do I think Blaine is awful for him? Yes. Am I going to make things more complicated by throwing my feelings into the mix? No. If it gets to the point where Kurt needs to escape from Blaine, he can’t know about how I feel for him. It would make things too complicated and maybe even compromise his safety. I can’t do that to him.”

Mercedes nodded. “I understand. Just know I’m here if you ever need to talk about him. We may have dated, but that doesn’t mean we can’t be friends.”

“I appreciate that. I’m here for you too, you know. I offered to put that video online because I want to see your dreams come true. I really think you could make it and you definitely deserve it,” Sam said.

“Thanks. I’ll think about it,” Mercedes replied. The warning bell rang for homeroom, so they got up and left.


	15. Chapter 15

Kurt knocked on Sam’s door. Sam opened it up and smiled when he saw Kurt at the door.

“I got my first round of letters from colleges. They’re either acceptance or rejection letters. I’m so nervous,” Kurt said.

“It’ll be okay. You applied to enough schools that you have to have gotten in somewhere. You’re talented and you have fantastic grades, someone will want you,” Sam reassured, leading Kurt to his bed.

Kurt pulled Sam into a hug. “Thanks for believing in me. Let’s open up these letters.”

Kurt reached for the Julliard envelope first. This one was small, so he wasn’t surprised when he pulled out a rejection letter.

“I’m sorry you didn’t get in,” Sam said.

“It’s okay. It’s just one school’s opinion. Besides, you have to be really hot shit to get into Julliard. I know you think I’m good, but I’m not that good,” Kurt replied.

“Or maybe they just don’t know talent when they see it,” Sam countered, smirking at Kurt.

Kurt laughed. “Whatever you say, Sammy. I’m just gonna move on. I still have four letters here.”

He opened up the one from NYU next, which was in a big rectangular envelope. There was a folder inside, and sure enough, it was an acceptance letter.

“I got into the Steinhardt school for Music Theatre. I even got a scholarship that covers my tuition costs, just not room and board,” Kurt said.

Sam grinned. “Congrats! That’s so exciting! The scholarship should really cut down on your tuition, right?”

“Yeah, it makes it half the cost. Since it doesn’t cover room and board, I could see if I could get a cheaper deal by living off campus,” Kurt explained.

“That’s amazing. I’m so proud of you, K. Open the next one,” Sam prompted.

Kurt opened the letter from Columbia next. “I got into the theatre program, but I didn’t get any scholarships or financial aid. Based on that alone I’m probably not going to go there. That’s okay, though, it helps me narrow down my options.”

Sam nodded. “So, you know you could go out and live the college theatre degree dream, now let’s see if you can live out the college fashion dream if you want to.”

Kurt grinned and opened the letter from FIT. “I got into FIT too. They raved about my portfolio in the letter, which is weird because I feel like acceptance letters are supposed to be impersonal, but that’s okay. It’s a good thing. I got a scholarship that’s similar to the NYU one, but no financial aid.”

“See what Parsons said,” Sam encouraged.

Kurt opened up the last acceptance letter. “I got in. No financial aid or scholarships though.”

“So it sounds like you’re between NYU and FIT until you hear back from NYADA after your in person audition,” Sam stated.

“I guess so. I mean, it would be cool to go to Columbia or Parsons, but they’re such expensive schools that it would be stupid of me to go to them when I have scholarships for other places,” Kurt reasoned.

Sam pulled Kurt into a hug. “I’m so proud of you. You got into four of the six schools you applied to and you got some great scholarships. I can’t wait to see what you do.”

“Thanks, Sammy. I’m gonna go tell my dad and Carole and see what they say,” Kurt replied.

“I’ll come with you,” Sam said.

~*~*~

The boys met Carole on the stairs because she was about to come get them for dinner. She continued to go get Finn and soon enough, everyone was tucking into the meal Carole had made.

Kurt took a deep breath. “I got most of my college letters today. Every school has gotten back to me except NYADA because I haven’t done the second audition, obviously.”

“That’s so exciting! What did they say?” Carole asked.

Finn looked really confused. “I thought you and Rachel were only applying to NYADA?”

“Well, she might be, but I don’t want to be forced to take a gap year if I don’t get into NYADA, so I figured I’d apply to a few other places and see what happens,” Kurt explained.

“Seems reasonable. I’m assuming you applied to other colleges in New York?” Burt asked.

“Yes. NYU, Columbia, Julliard, FIT, and Parsons School of Design. I got into all of them except Julliard and I got big scholarships from NYU and FIT,” Kurt said.

“That’s amazing, Kurt! I’m so proud of you! Come over here so I can give you a hug!” Carole explained. 

Burt stood up so he could hug Kurt as well. “I’m proud of you too, son. Do all those schools have musical theatre programs? I know that’s what you want to do at NYADA.”

“I got into NYU’s music theatre program, which is another way of saying musical theatre, and FIT’s fashion design program. I love performing, but part of me really wants to be a designer, and I figured there was no harm in applying to both types of schools,” Kurt explained.

Burt nodded. “Well, I support you in whatever you choose to do. You’re determined to succeed so I have no doubts you will. I’m assuming since you only mentioned NYU and FIT that you’re going to one of those?”

“Yeah. Barnard and Parsons are too expensive to not have any sort of scholarships or financial aid. It makes more sense to go to a school where I’d only have to pay for room and board,” Kurt said.

“A smart choice. Are you still hoping to get into NYADA?” Burt asked.

“I mean, it would be cool, but everything isn’t riding on whether or not I get in. I also heard rumors that you don’t hear back from them before the May 1st deadline for commitment that most schools have, so I might not wait to hear back from them before I make a decision. They want their students to have an undying devotion to the school, and that kind of freaks me out. I’ll see how the audition goes and what the NYADA faculty member thinks of me,” Kurt explained.

“Either way, we have to celebrate. You got into college!” Carole said.

“Yes. Cancel any plans you have because we’re going out this weekend. Kurt, Finn, you can invite Blaine and Rachel if you want to. You can invite someone too, Sam, I just don’t know who because as far as I know, you’re not seeing anyone right now,” Burt said.

“I’ll see if Mercedes wants to come. We’re not dating or anything, but if we’re celebrating Kurt’s accomplishments then I think she’d be interested,” Sam replied. 

“Fantastic,” Burt said.

~*~*~

About an hour before they were supposed to leave for dinner, someone was pounding on Kurt’s door. Given how the knock sounded, Kurt wasn’t surprised to find that Rachel was the one who knocked, and she was fuming. Kurt just let her in so she could start her rant.

“Why did you apply to other schools without telling me? We were ride or die for NYADA! That’s what we agreed on! We are studying musical theatre together in New York at the best school in the country for getting performers on Broadway. That was the plan, why didn’t you stick to it?” Rachel demanded.

Kurt took a deep breath. “I know. I was there when we made the agreement. But then I really started thinking about what I wanted and what pinning all my dreams on NYADA would look like. NYADA only takes twenty musical theatre majors a year, and even if only 100 people applied, that’s still a long shot where I’d only have a 20% chance of getting in. I need to get out of here, Rachel. I can’t rely on one way to get to New York, I needed to have as many options as possible so I wouldn’t end up stranded in Lima. Also, I wasn’t ready to decide between my dream of being a performer or my dream of being a designer. I figured I’d apply to both types of schools and see what happened. Turns out, I got into a school where I can study musical theatre and a school where I can study fashion design with some hefty scholarships. Will I still go to NYADA? Maybe. Will I still go to New York? Definitely. I’m sorry if you feel like I went behind your back, but I think I made the right decision. Now, no matter what happens with NYADA, I can still go to New York and live one of my dreams. We can still get a little apartment and live together. Is it what you originally had in mind? No. Is it good enough for me? Definitely, and I don’t need you judging my choices.”

“I for one think it’s fantastic that Kurt got into other schools. NYU and FIT? Those are such good schools,” Mercedes said, peeking into the room.

Kurt grinned and went to give her a hug. “Thanks, ‘Cedes. I’m glad someone thinks I did a good job.”

“I think Rachel is the only one that disagrees with your choice. The rest of us are proud of you,” Sam said, coming up behind Kurt to give him a hug sandwich.

Kurt laughed and kissed them both on the cheek. Rachel was beside herself. Kurt was close enough to Sam to give him that kind of affection? Since when? She excused herself from the room to go find Finn, but ended up running into Blaine instead. She had to know what was happening.

“Hey, Blaine. Since when have Kurt and Sam been really good friends? Specifically the hugging type of friends,” Rachel asked.

Blaine’s eyes darkened, not that Rachel noticed. “They’ve been really good friends since before we started dating, although the hugging is new information for me.”

“Really? That long? It’s been a year and somehow no one in glee club knew?” Rachel replied.

“They don’t talk about it with many people. I probably wouldn’t know if Kurt didn’t spend half his time with Sam and kept dragging me on double dates with him and Mercedes over the summer,” Blaine explained.

“Oh. I really thought we told each other everything, but I guess that isn’t true,” Rachel said. 

“Of course he doesn’t tell you everything. He’s your best gay, not your best friend,” Blaine replied, stomping up the stairs to pull Kurt away from Sam and Mercedes before he got too carried away with the apparent love fest that was happening.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is time for an angst party my dudes. 
> 
> TW: Kurt and Blaine have a viscous argument at the beginning of the chapter that involves a serious threat. It ends before the first break. The rest of the chapter discusses the aftermath of this argument. Stay safe please!!

Kurt walked into his room with a cheese plate to share while he and Blaine had their themed movie night. He was hoping to talk to Blaine, but he wasn’t sure what was going to happen since he’d been fairly distant since the weekend they went out with Kurt’s family. Kurt wasn’t quite sure why, but he was hoping to get to the bottom of it. What he wasn’t expecting was Blaine to be looking through the texts Chandler sent him that day and to accuse him of cheating.

“So one guy wasn’t enough for you? You had to cheat on me with two guys?” Blaine asked.

“What on earth are you talking about? I’m not cheating on you with anyone,” Kurt replied, immediately becoming extremely defensive.

“Oh don’t act so innocent. These texts that you’re sending to Chandler or whoever aren’t the kind of texts that you send to someone who’s just a friend. I also know all about how you and Sam are ‘hugging friends’. Straight guys don’t hug other guys, it’s unheard of, especially in Lima, Ohio of all places,” Blaine explained.

“How is what I’m doing with Chandler any different than what you did with Sebastian?” Kurt asked.

“I didn’t like Sebastian in the way that you clearly like Chandler,” Blaine replied.

“I don’t like Chandler in that way. So he’s a bit flirty, he wouldn’t be the first gay guy to be flirty with another gay guy he has no intention of dating. I’m sorry I like talking to him and that joking around with him is taking my mind off the stress of my audition and having to choose what I want to do with my life,” Kurt countered.

“What about Sam then? Have you turned him gay or something? Because being ‘hugging friends’ isn’t normal,” Blaine asked.

“You know that’s not how sexuality works, and even if I did know anything about Sam’s sexuality, I wouldn’t tell you because it’s not my story to just freely share with people! And maybe most straight guys don’t hug their friends, but Sam isn’t a normal straight guy! He’s very affectionate and gives good hugs! Why on earth would I deny good hugs?” Kurt explained.

“Because the only good hugs you should be getting are from me!” Blaine yelled.

Kurt froze. Blaine had never yelled at him like that before. The next thing he knew, Blaine had backed him into a corner and was speaking in a very low, threatening tone.

“I’m going to say this once and once only. You can’t talk to any other guys except if they aren't me. You’re only allowed to talk to the glee guys and guys in class for things related to glee or class projects. I don’t care that you live with Sam, you’re not allowed to spend time with him. I am the only one for you. You are the love of my life and you better not forget it. Next time, I won’t be so forgiving.”

Blaine stormed out of the house, not noticing that Sam had been really close by and obviously listening to the conversation. He waited about ten minutes before going into Kurt’s room. Sam wanted to make sure that Blaine was really gone before he approached Kurt.

As soon as Sam pushed open the door, Kurt was in his arms and sobbing hysterically.

“Shh, shh. He’s gone now. He can’t hurt you now that he’s gone. I’ve got you, we’ll figure this out together, I promise,” Sam said while gently rocking Kurt side to side.

Kurt continued to sob, eventually crying himself to sleep. Sam had no idea what he was going to do. All he knew was that Blaine had done something unforgivable and he had to get Kurt away from him as quickly as possible. He was going to need some serious back up on this.

~*~*~

Kurt had slipped out of bed and off to school before Sam had woken up. Sam tried to catch up with him at school, but every time he caught Kurt’s eye, he would run away. They eventually made it to glee practice, but Kurt made sure to avoid Sam at all costs and put as much distance between them without seeming suspicious. If that wasn’t bad enough, Blaine had to go up and sing about being cheated on. Needless to say, Sam was fuming and he was going to burst if someone said something awful to Kurt.

Luckily, the only person who said anything was Mercedes. “What the hell happened? Kurt would never cheat on Blaine and you looked like you were about to pop if anyone said anything.”

“The whole cheating accusation thing is leftover from a conversation they had last night. I was going to the bathroom down the hall when I heard yelling from Kurt’s room. I didn’t catch all of what they said, but it ended with Blaine storming out and Kurt sobbing. We didn’t talk about what happened because he cried himself to sleep last night. I’ve been trying to stick by him all day, but he keeps running away from me,” Sam explained.

Mercedes nodded. “I’ll see if he’ll talk to me. It might take me a few days, but I won’t stop trying until we have a conversation about it where he doesn’t just brush me off the whole time.”

“Thank you. Text me if you find anything out. Don’t tell me specifics, just let me know if he’s okay or if he needs out,” Sam said.

“I will,” Mercedes replied.

~*~*~

From Mercedes: Can we hang out soon?  
I miss you and I wanna catch up

Kurt smiled down at his phone. He’d almost forgotten what smiling felt like, he’d been crying nonstop since that confrontation with Blaine and he didn’t know what to do with himself. He figured he could use some girl time with Mercedes, so he told her to come over whenever and started freshening up.

When Mercedes came up into his room it took all of his strength to not just burst into tears again, and he told her that. Mercedes pulled him into a hug the way Sam had and started rocking him side to side.

“Whatever happened, you can tell me. I won’t judge you, but just know I know something’s up. Blaine’s behavior in glee club the other day wasn’t okay, and when I looked over at you, you looked like you were going to be sick,” Mercedes said.

Kurt nodded and took a minute to gather his thoughts. “You know he accused me of cheating, obviously. He said I was cheating on him with a guy I met in the music store and Sammy. I barely know the guy from the music store, but he said some really awful things about Sammy that were really hard to take. He also said a really homophobic thing about how I was turning Sammy gay, and he knows that’s not how it works.”

Kurt stopped talking for a moment. Mercedes waited to see if he would say anything else.

“He threatened to hurt me. He didn’t do anything this time, but he told me that if I was caught being friendly with a guy ever again, he would. That’s why I’ve been avoiding Sammy, even at home. I’m sure that’s at least part of the reason why you’re here.”

“Kurt, honey, I do care about you and I would’ve checked up on you anyway after the stunt Blaine pulled in glee club the other day. Sam just told me about how you cried and cried right after it happened and it only made me more determined to see you,” Mercedes explained.

Kurt nodded into Mercedes’ shoulder.

“That’s not what’s most important though. He threatened to hurt you? Kurt, that’s super serious. The person you love should never do that to you,” Mercedes said.

“But he loves me. He told me I was the love of his life,” Kurt countered.

Mercedes could feel her heart breaking for her friend. “If you were really the love of his life, he wouldn’t have threatened to hurt you. You wouldn’t have hidden a new friendship or the true nature of your friendship with Sam from him. We both know that you didn’t tell him about how physically affectionate you are with Sam because you knew he would freak out like this. I didn’t let it bother me when Sam and I were together because I trusted both of you to be honorable and respect you partners, but clearly Blaine doesn’t trust you in the same way.”

“Yeah,” Kurt agreed.

“So, what do you want to do?” Mercedes asked.

“I don’t know. Part of me wants to run away and never look back. Part of me wants to go over to his house right now and beg for his forgiveness. I feel like there’s a right answer for this situation, but I don’t know how to make myself pick it,” Kurt said.

“I think I can safely speak for both Sam and myself when I say that we want you to be safe and happy. As long as you’re safe and happy, I’m okay with whatever choice you make, but you have to be able to guarantee me that, okay?” Mercedes stated.

“Okay,” Kurt replied.

He pulled back from the hug and gave her a weak smile. “Can we do something fun now? I’ve just been crying since this happened and I want to have fun if we’re gonna hang out.”

Mercedes smiled back at him. “Of course.”

~*~*~

Sam could feel his heart breaking as Kurt sang “I Have Nothing” in glee club the next day. He looked over at Mercedes and he could tell she felt the exact same way. She didn’t tell him what Kurt had said out of respect for him, but she did say to be prepared to whisk Kurt away from Blaine. Given Kurt’s song choice, it was looking pretty likely that there would be no whisking to be done, and that made Sam sick to his stomach. 

Kurt hid in his room for the next two days and wouldn’t answer when anyone went to knock on the door. Burt managed to get a conversation out of him, but Sam doubted it had anything to do with Blaine and what had happened on Tuesday. Friday morning, Kurt came bounding down the stairs with a skip in his step. Sam was happy to see that Kurt was feeling better, but he had to talk to him. He approached him when they got home from school.

“Hey, I noticed you’re feeling better. Can I ask what happened?”

Sam could see the hesitancy in Kurt’s eyes. He could tell that Kurt was fighting with himself, trying to decide what to say to Sam. 

“I signed Blaine and I up for a couples counseling session with Miss Pillsbury. He told me that he was acting the way he did because he was upset about me leaving Lima and didn’t know what he was going to do all by himself next year.”

Sam was baffled. “Was that really all that was? I know you haven’t given me any details, but I was with you immediately after and you were inconsolable. You cried yourself to sleep and I could hear you crying every time I walked past you room until you talked to Mercedes and sang that song. Even after that, you wouldn’t talk to me. We don’t just not talk. When you were at Dalton and we weren’t as close as we are now, we still texted at least once a day to check in on each other. I’m having a hard time believing that argument you had was just about how much Blaine was going to miss you because if it was, you wouldn’t be avoiding me like this.”

“I mean, it wasn’t, but that was why he acted like that,” Kurt replied. He reached out and squeezed Sam’s hand. “It’s okay though. Everything is back to normal and now I can focus on my NYADA audition without any boyfriend drama. I’m really excited about it, I don’t think I’ll get in but it’ll be cool to do an in person audition after all the audition tapes I had to do.”

Kurt kept talking about his plans for his NYADA audition. Sam couldn’t help but smile sadly at him. Blaine had ripped him to shreds this week and here he was, pretending that it was a small lover’s squabble and was trying to move on. Even though Sam didn’t know exactly what Blaine had said to Kurt, the way Kurt sobbed in his arms afterwards told Sam all he needed to know about what was happening to him. Sam was about to go into full protective mode, and Blaine wasn’t going to know what hit him.

~*~*~

Things continued in a similar fashion for the next few days. Kurt was obsessing over his audition and Blaine was playing the role of the supportive boyfriend. Sam was watching from the sidelines, more concerned than ever about how quickly their argument was dropped. His concern only deepened when Kurt asked him to not go to his NYADA audition.

“I can’t let Blaine know that we’re still talking. He’s going to support me and if he sees you there, he’ll flip out,” Kurt explained.

“That’s makes me really worried about you,” Sam said.

“It’s just how it has to be. If I want both a boyfriend and a best friend, then I need to make sure I follow the rules and only spend time with you where he can’t see me,” Kurt replied, flashing Sam a dazzling smile.

It was the kind of smile that would’ve normally given Sam butterflies, but it was following the most horrifying thing Kurt had ever said to him. 

“Normally, you have to hide the boyfriend from the best friend, not the other way around.”

“Yeah, well, when have I ever been normal?” Kurt asked, bopping Sam on the nose before turning back to his closet, trying to find the perfect audition outfit.


	17. Chapter 17

Prom came and went, and everything was honky dory. Kurt was more in love with Blaine than ever, and Sam and Mercedes had teamed up to try and protect Kurt as much as they could. If Kurt noticed how much time they were spending around him, he didn’t say, but it helped them both to know that as long as at least one other person was around, Blaine wouldn’t try anything. 

The glee club was gearing up for Nationals and Kurt had to make a decision about whether to wait for his NYADA letter or to bite the bullet and commit to a school. He and Mercedes had met up early Monday morning to get coffee before going in to see Coach Sue.

“I don’t know what I want to do. I need to commit somewhere because I really don’t think I’m going to get into NYADA. At best, I’ll be waitlisted. So I have to choose; fashion design or musical theatre.”

“If you got into NYADA, would you drop everything and go there to pursue performing?” Mercedes asked.

“If I got a good financial aid package, probably,” Kurt replied.

“I think that tells you a lot about what you want to do. I think you should commit to NYU,” Mercedes said.

“I think you’re right. I guess I’m just scared of making the wrong choice and screwing myself over,” Kurt explained.

Mercedes nodded. “Well, if you do screw up your life isn’t over. FIT will still be there if you decide to have a career change.”

“That’s true. I would even get in state tuition at that point, which would be fantastic,” Kurt said, grinning at Mercedes.

Mercedes smiled back at him. “You and your tuition rates.”

“Hey, college is a big investment. I’m not taking going into debt lightly, it’s a serious choice that I’m making here,” Kurt said. He nudged Mercedes’ shoulder. “So, any updates on moving out to L.A. over the summer?”

“I’m still looking for places to live. Rent is expensive out there, so I’ll need to get a job within a month. I probably wouldn’t be able to start getting myself a recording contract until August at the rate I’m going, and who knows how long it’ll take me to get on any sort of label,” Mercedes explained.

“Getting yourself all set up within two months is still pretty impressive. If all else fails, you can live there for a year to establish residency and go to a California school. You also never know what can come out of trying to do small gigs in bars and cafes,” Kurt replied.

“You’re right, I’m just so nervous. I’m planning on going by myself, like, really by myself. If I were going to college, I’d at least have the chance to make some friends, but I’m going to be out on my own in a strange place with my support system being on the other side of the country. I really don’t know what I’m going to do without you and Sam. You guys are my rocks.”

“Just because there will be 3000 miles between us doesn’t mean that Sam and I aren’t a phone call away. I can’t speak for Sam, but as long as I’m not in class or working, I will answer you whenever you call. If you need anything, I’ll be there for you. And we can still visit each other, of course,” Kurt reassured.

“Thanks, Kurt. I appreciate you so much,” Mercedes replied.

They got out of Kurt’s car and walked into the school together.

“You know, I never apologized to you for being so distant while I was with Shane. I don’t know what got into me, I just associated you with Sam and I couldn’t handle that pain at the time,” Mercedes said.

“It’s okay. I got swept up in the Rachel Berry NYADA tornado. I was also really busy making portfolios and audition tapes at the time. Fall was a huge whirlwind, now we have more time to hang out and appreciate each other before we leave,” Kurt replied.

Mercedes pulled him into a side hug. “I really do mean it when I say I have no idea what I’m going to do without you.”

“Let’s not worry about that now. We should focus on why Coach Sue has called us into her office at an ungodly hour of the morning,” Kurt responded, opening the door of Coach Sue’s office for Mercedes.

~*~*~

While Kurt and Mercedes were talking to Coach Sue, Sam was sitting in Miss Pillsbury’s office having a meeting with her.

“I’m so sorry to do this to you this early in the morning and during the week of Nationals, but you need to know what the school did,” Miss Pillsbury said.

“That doesn’t sound good,” Sam said slowly.

Miss Pillsbury nodded in agreement. “I’m so sorry, Sam, but McKinley is putting your graduation back a year. The school you were going to in Kentucky failed to fully transfer you back to McKinley before midterms in March, so you aren’t eligible this year.”

“I don’t understand. A huge part of why I came back was so I could graduate this year like I was supposed to before I moved to Kentucky. I would’ve just stayed there if I knew this was going to happen,” Sam said.

“There was nothing you could do. McKinley is awful with transferring students back and forth, and if the other school isn’t on top of it, the system moves at its own pace with a disregard to the student’s goals. Like I said, I’m so sorry. If you want, we can start talking about graduating you next December, or maybe even in August if you take enough summer classes,” Miss Pillsbury replied.

“I don’t know what I want right now. I need some time to think about it,” Sam stated. He got up and left her office. He really, really wanted to punch something, but he didn’t think any of the teachers would take too kindly to him destroying school property. The other thing Sam wanted to do was run to Kurt and let him hold him, but he couldn’t do that without putting Kurt in danger. He resigned himself to skipping for the rest of the day. He’d come back later for glee practice.

~*~*~

Coach Sue cornered Sam after glee practice. Kurt saw this and hung back so he could eavesdrop. He wanted to make sure Coach Sue hadn’t gotten any gay vibes from Sam and tried to renew her efforts in making someone cross dress.

“I saw you come to school, leave, and then come back for glee rehearsal. I understand that Nationals is probably what’s most important to you this week, but you can’t be skipping out on school. If you don’t go to class, you don’t get to go to Chicago,” Coach Sue said.

“I understand. I’m really sorry, I just got some really upsetting news this morning and I couldn’t be at school without wanting to destroy something. I decided to take some time to calm down so I could be there for the team in rehearsal today,” Sam explained.

“If you don’t mind me asking, what made you so upset? You don’t have to tell me, but I want to know if I can help you.”

“I found out I’m not going to graduate this year like I was supposed to. Everyone thinks that I came back to save the glee club so we could perform at Sectionals, but really it was so I didn’t have to spend another year in high school. I also came back to protect someone I care about, but he’s not why I want to destroy things. I actually want a hug from him, but I can’t do that without putting him in danger.”

Sue saw movement in the wings. She craned her head just enough to see that it was Porcelain. He was clearly trying to eavesdrop on the conversation, and if she had to guess, she would say that Porcelain was the guy Sam Evans wanted to protect. She hoped nothing bad was happening to her sweet Porcelain. It was her fault she couldn’t protect him from Karofsky last year, she couldn’t bear the thought of life being awful to Porcelain again.

“You’re a senior? I didn’t know that,” she finally said.

“I don’t talk about it much. With how many times I’ve had to switch high schools on short notice, I knew I would slip through the cracks eventually. I was so close to being done and never having to look back. Why did this have to happen now?” Sam asked.

“I don’t have a good answer for that. I do know that I can support you on your mission to graduate early if that’s what you want to do. I may not know you that well, but no kid should be told they can’t graduate when they were supposed to,” Coach Sue replied. She gave him a pat on the shoulder and started walking out of the auditorium. She paused and turned to face Sam again.

“Oh, and let me know if Porcelain needs any help. I don’t want to see him be hurt the way he was last year.”


	18. Chapter 18

Kurt’s mind was reeling. Sammy wasn’t graduating? That just simply wouldn’t do. Sam had to graduate, he deserved it more than anyone Kurt could think of in the senior class. He had such a hard high school experience, this was just the rotten cherry on top of the godawful sundae Sam got to call high school.

When Kurt got home, he immediately went up to Sam’s room and opened the door. Sam was surprised, it wasn’t like Kurt to just barge into his room without knocking.

“Hey, K. Whatcha do-oof,” Sam said. He was cut off by Kurt basically body slamming into him with a hug. Sam grabbed onto Kurt desperately, this was the one thing he’d been craving all day and he was so glad Kurt had taken it upon himself to give it to him.

Kurt squeezed him tight. “I heard you talking to Coach Sue after glee practice today.”

“Oh. I wasn’t going to tell you yet, mostly because I don’t know what I’m going to do yet, but also because I didn’t want to have a cloud hanging over you at Nationals too,” Sam said.

“I don’t care. We’re calling Mercedes and we’re throwing you a pity party for at least an hour. Your high school experience definitely tops mine as being the worst out of everyone in the glee club, and this is just the awful ending that you’re getting and you get to feel bad about it. If you won’t do it, I’ll just be depressed for you and it’ll throw Nationals. We can’t let that happen,” Kurt replied.

“Fine. A one hour pity party with Mercedes and then you help me weigh my options. I’ve been wallowing by myself all day, I want to take some action,” Sam said.

Kurt smiled weakly at him. “We love a man who takes initiative.”

Mercedes was over and up in Sam’s room within twenty minutes of Kurt texting her. She gave Sam a hug as soon as she got there as well.

“I’m so sorry, Sam. This is just awful,” Mercedes said.

“Tell me about it. K says that we have to throw a pity party for me for at least an hour before I’m allowed to start making a plan to graduate as fast as possible,” Sam replied.

Mercedes nodded. “That sounds about right. I’ll go get Kurt’s secret ice cream stash and Kurt will find something appropriately sad for us to watch.”

“I was thinking _Up_. We can cry like babies when Ellie dies and then have our spirits lifted enough to be productive and get Sam out of McKinley as fast as possible.”

~*~*~

Sam had another meeting with Miss Pillsbury exactly a week later. He knew what he wanted to do and he wasn’t going to accept any other plan.

“So, now that you’ve had some time to think, how do you want to move forward?” Miss Pillsbury asked.

“I have to repeat most of the credits I got in Kentucky because of the different grading system, so it’s too much to do over the summer. I’d like to try and graduate in December if I can,” Sam said.

Miss Pillsbury nodded. “I will get you all registered and put in the request for you to graduate early. You should know by late July, early August if the district grants your request.”

“Thanks, Miss P. I appreciate it,” Sam replied, pulling his backpack over his shoulder.

“I don’t think I’ll be able to tell you how sorry I am enough times. This is awful and I wish I could’ve done more. I should be handing you your diploma this weekend,” Miss Pillsbury said.

Sam shrugged. “Not much we can do now. I’m just hoping to make this as quick and painless as possible.”

~*~*~

“Mr. Schue, can I talk to you?” Sam asked on the way out of glee club that day.

“Sure. What do you need, Sam?” Mr. Schue replied.

“I wanted to talk to you about glee club next year, specifically whether or not I’d be allowed to participate,” Sam said.

“Why wouldn’t you be allowed to participate? Your voice is really strong and I was hoping to feature you more next year,” Mr. Schue stated.

“Thanks. Well, I was wondering about it because I was supposed to graduate this year. I didn’t flunk the way Brittany did, the credits I had from the school in Kentucky didn’t transfer properly and I have to repeat too much to just finish over the summer. I’ve petitioned the school district to graduate in December, and if I get what I want, I’d only be able to compete in Sectionals next year. I was wondering if it would be okay if that’s what happened in case we make it to Regionals,” Sam explained.

“Of course that’s okay. We’ll just need to make sure we have at least thirteen members. I’m not going to stop you from being in glee club for the last part of your senior year,” Mr. Schue replied.

Sam smiled. “Thanks Mr. Schue, I really appreciate you letting me be here.”

“You are always welcome in glee club, Sam, even after you graduate,” Mr. Schue said, patting Sam on the shoulder.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who's ready to get back on the angst train? I sure am!!
> 
> TW: Blaine is a shitty dude and does an unforgivable. Stay safe, my dudes.

Kurt and Sam were driving to the train station to meet up with everyone to send Rachel off. Whenever they were stopped at a traffic light, Kurt couldn’t stop drumming his fingers on the steering wheel. Sam reached over to cover his hands.

Kurt laughed. “This is so ridiculously dramatic. First, we were supposed to go to a wedding, and now we’re sending Rachel off to New York three months before classes start? What is she going to do for three months, she’s never worked a day in her life and she’s not going to want to come back here.”

“I was confused about it too but figured it was best not to ask too many questions. From everything you and Finn have been saying, it might be the only way to actually get her out of Ohio this year,” Sam said.

“You know she wants me to defer my acceptance to NYU so I can reapply to NYADA? She said it wouldn’t be worth going if I couldn’t go with her even though we’d still be in the same city. We could rent an apartment together, we could meet up for coffee everyday. Me being at a different school doesn’t mean we can’t still be friends. We can still take on New York together like she wanted,” Kurt replied.

Sam nodded. “I’m honestly kind of glad you ended up not getting into NYADA. It sounds like a mad house, and maybe NYU won’t be better, but at least it’s a bigger school so the crazy is spilt up more and not concentrated in one place.”

“You know, I told her she should’ve applied to all the other schools I applied to so she would have options. She didn’t want to hear it, she was dead set on everything going according to her plans and in her version of events, I’m supposed to go to NYADA. It’s stupid, I can go wherever I want,” Kurt said.

“I know you mentioned it, but are you going to actually get an apartment with her?” Sam asked.

“Hell no. I’m pretending NYU has an on campus living requirement even if it doesn’t. I love her, but I need a break from her crazy. She needs to realize I’m not just her best gay, I’m a fully realized human with his own wishes, dreams, goals, and plans,” Kurt replied.

“Good for you, K. I’m proud of you,” Sam said.

Kurt smiled shyly. He pulled into the parking lot at the train station. “Let’s go to the platform and see if anyone’s here.”

There weren’t many people there, just Artie, Blaine, and Tina, but since Blaine was there, it meant that he saw Kurt and Sam come together. Kurt really hoped he wouldn’t try anything, but he knew as soon as they were alone Blaine was going to yell at him. Blaine gave him a dazzling smile, but there was a darkness there that Kurt hadn’t seen before, and he would be lying to himself if he said he wasn’t scared of what that meant.

Blaine then proceeded to do something completely out of the ordinary and pulled him into a long kiss. He tried to deepen the kiss, but Kurt pushed Blaine off of him. 

“Blaine! I thought we agreed PDA like that was too risky for Lima,” Kurt said.

Blaine pulled Kurt in real close. “You’re mine. Don’t forget that.”

Kurt shivered but nodded. Blaine pulled back and that same smile from a minute ago was back on his face. Artie and Tina started talking about how cute they were together, Sam just looked like he was going to be sick. When Mercedes got there, he took her hand and squeezed it really tight. Mercedes just needed to take one look at Sam’s face to know that Blaine had done something shitty to Kurt in public. 

Rachel had her dramatic and teary farewell, Kurt promised to see her after orientation even though she mentioned reauditioning for NYADA. As soon as Rachel’s train was far enough away, Blaine started to drag Kurt to his car, claiming he had dinner reservations for them somewhere.

“What about Sam? I was his ride,” Kurt said.

Blaine stopped and started crowding into Kurt’s personal space. “Sam can find a new ride home.”

They got into the car and Kurt started driving toward Blaine’s house. They sat in silence for a bit, Kurt confused and Blaine fuming. “I thought I told you to stop talking to Sam unless it was for glee.”

“We live in the same house, Blaine. We see each other at family dinners and we help my parents with stuff around the house. Am I supposed to just completely ignore him and make my whole family feel awkward?” Kurt asked.

“Yes! It’s for your own good that you don’t talk to him, he’s not good for you,” Blaine explained.

“I don’t know what you want me to do or say about this. He lives with my family, I see him all the time,” Kurt said.

“Well, maybe you should just be with your family less. Whenever you’re not at work, you’re with me. Sleepovers every day until you leave, no questions asked,” Blaine stated.

“But I want to spend time with my family before I go to NYU. I won’t get to see them until at least Thanksgiving once I leave in August and I’m going to miss them. This is my last chance to spend quality time with them,” Kurt replied meekly.

“Aren’t you going to miss me? Don’t you want to spend quality time with me?” Blaine asked.

“Of course I do, I just want to spend time with them as well,” Kurt said.

“Fine. We’ll go to your dad’s silly Friday night dinners, but let me be very clear when I say you’re not allowed to go by yourself. Any time you are over at that house, I am with you, and you only get privacy in the bathroom,” Blaine said.

Kurt was about to burst into tears. Blaine noticed and put a hand on his thigh. “Don’t cry, Kurt. You know I do this because I love you. I want this to be the most magical summer ever, and it can only be like that if we spend every moment together.”

Kurt nodded, but he wasn’t sure if he believed it.

~*~*~

Things happened exactly the way Blaine said they would. The only time Kurt was away from Blaine was when he was at work, and Kurt could feel himself being stifled. It was August now and Kurt was supposed to be leaving for NYU in two weeks. He’d barely seen his family and Sam at all and it was killing him. It got to the point where he went behind Blaine’s back and got off of work early without telling him. He had three hours to go and spend with his family before Blaine would come to pick him up, so he sped straight over to his parents’ house and bolted to Sam’s room. Kurt didn’t know if Sam would even be there, but he knew he had to talk to him.

Luckily for him, Sam was home working on a painting. Sam had been painting a lot over the summer, mostly because that was the only way he had been able to cope with Kurt not being there. He could only imagine what Blaine was forcing him to do by having Kurt basically live with him. Sam always felt sick when he watched Blaine be overly affectionate with Kurt. He was staking a claim in him, showing Kurt’s family that he was Blaine’s and no one else’s. 

Needless to say, when Kurt randomly showed up in front of Sam’s door, Sam was shocked. He wasn’t sure if he was seeing correctly for a moment he was so surprised. Kurt’s face broke into a watery smile and he pulled him into a hug.

“Sammy,” he whispered before bursting into tears.

Sam squeezed him really hard and started to cry too. “K. I’ve missed you so much.”

“I’m so sorry. He won’t let me go anywhere without his supervision. I can’t talk to anyone that isn’t him. The first thing he does after I get out of work and we wake up is he checks my phone to make sure I haven’t texted or called you. I can’t believe I have only two weeks left at home and I’ve barely seen you or my dad all summer,” Kurt explained.

“Hey, hey, hey. I know you didn’t ignore me on purpose. I saw what happened at the train station, I’m honestly surprised something like this didn’t happen sooner. If you want, we can talk to your dad and figure out how to get you to New York early,” Sam replied.

“No. My dad can’t know, this would break him. Besides, Blaine would be so mad if I left for New York early. He’d just come and hunt me down and then eviscerate me. And he’d go after you because he’d know I’d seen you and you hid me. I don’t want to make the rest of your senior year a living hell because you tried to protect me,” Kurt said.

“Your safety is important, K,” Sam stated.

“So’s yours. I don’t know what Blaine will do if I leave him, I can’t do that to you. I love you too much to put you through that pain,” Kurt replied.

This was another moment where Sam wanted to scream. His best friend was trying to reach out, and Sam wanted to take his hand and pull him out, but Kurt was withdrawing at the last second. Kurt clearly wanted help, but he wasn’t in a place where he could properly accept it. So, Sam just pulled his best friend into a hug and cried with him. He cried for what his best friend was going through, he cried for the time they lost, and he cried for the fact that Kurt would never understand just how much Sam loved him.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this chapter is a bit all over the place, but I promise it goes somewhere.
> 
> TW: vague reference to suicidal ideation, because I can't stop myself from doing that apparently.

Two weeks later, Kurt was at the airport with his dad and Blaine. Sam wanted to go, but he knew that if he went, Kurt would be in so much trouble with Blaine and he deserved to have a proper goodbye with his dad. Sam also went to visit his family in Kentucky for the last week Kurt was home so he could spend time with his family without Blaine. Blaine was still around constantly, but at least Kurt could send him home at the end of the night.

Kurt gave his dad a big hug.

“I wish I could go help you move in, but I have to be in D.C. tonight. Call me when you get there. I want to know that you got there safely and you’re all settled into your dorm,” Burt said.

Kurt nodded. “I love you, Dad. I’ll miss you.”

“I love you too, Kiddo,” Burt replied.

Blaine smiled at Kurt and pulled him into a hug. Because of the events of the summer, physical affection from Blaine made Kurt’s stomach roil, but he couldn’t push him off and start a scene, not at the airport. Blaine pulled him into a long kiss which increased Kurt’s urge to throw up.

“Call me after you call your dad, okay? I wanna make sure you make it safely too. Love you.”

“Love you too,” Kurt whispered.

Burt smiled at his son and pulled him into one more hug. “I’m so proud of you, son. You’re going to do great things at NYU, I just know it.”

Kurt smiled back at his dad. “Thanks, Dad. I promise I won’t let you down.”

Kurt turned around and walked inside the airport. He waved at his dad and Blaine one last time before he let the doors shut behind him. Hopefully, the distance between himself and Blaine would let Kurt break free from the ironclad hold Blaine had on him over the summer. He supposed time would tell.

~*~*~

“Hey, Sammy.”

“K! I wasn’t expecting you to call. How are you? Is NYU everything you’d hope it’d be?” Sam asked.

Kurt smiled. “I’ve only been here for six hours, but so far everything is shaping up to be pretty good. My roommate is decent. He’s a history and legal studies double major from Massachusetts, and he’s 100% totally fine with living with a gay guy.”

“That’s awesome. I know you were really worried about that, so I’m glad that you won’t have to fight with housing first thing in the semester,” Sam said.

“Yeah. Did you get back to Lima alright? I know it’s a long drive and you were doing it by yourself,” Kurt asked.

“Yeah, yeah. It was okay, just long and really boring. I made sure I had some music to keep me going. I bopped out to some of our favorite songs from last summer, actually,” Sam said.

“You mean that weird ass mixtape we made? I haven’t listened to that in months!” Kurt replied, laughing at the memories. “I’m going to have to listen to it this week when I really start to miss you. I already miss you, but I know it’s going to get worse until I have classes to fill my time.”

“That’s what not seeing each other all summer does, I guess. I mean, I’d still be missing you like crazy if we had been able to hang out, but I think that’s why it’s worse, you know?” Sam responded.

“Yeah. I’m so sorry about that. Maybe now that I’m in New York, I can finally leave him,” Kurt said.

“That would be amazing, but I’m not going to pressure you into doing anything. I’ll support you no matter what you choose to do. I love you and want what’s best for you,” Sam stated.

“I appreciate that and I appreciate you. You can also talk to me whenever, I’ll always get back to you. Just because I’m in New York with a brand new life doesn’t mean I don’t have time for you anymore. You’re my best friend and I love you very much,” Kurt replied.

“You flatter me, Hummel,” Sam said.

“Don’t act like you don’t love it, I know you do,” Kurt responded.

_You have no idea_ , Sam thought to himself.

“Oh, I just remembered something. I finally heard about my petition to graduate early.”

“And?” Kurt asked.

“They’re letting me do it! On December 20, 2012, Sam Evans is graduating high school.”

“Oh my gosh, that’s amazing! I’m so happy for you, congratulations!” Kurt exclaimed. “I would hug you right now, but I’m in New York, unfortunately.”

“As much as I want to hug you, you’re where you need to be and I’m where I need to be. I'll be free in five months and then I can go wherever I want and do whatever I want. Who knows? Maybe I’ll crash in New York for a bit?” Sam said.

“That would be amazing, but you couldn’t live with me because I’m in a dorm,” Kurt replied.

“I’ll figure something out. I’m at least coming to visit you sometime this semester. How about Columbus Day weekend? You should have that free, right?” Sam asked.

“I do actually. I have a little mini break that weekend. It’s not very long, just four days, but you could come and visit and we could do the tourist thing for a couple days,” Kurt said.

“That would be awesome. I’ll start looking up plane tickets tomorrow,” Sam stated, his face breaking into a grin.

Kurt smiled as well. “I wish you could come sooner than that, but we have class and school and shit.”

“Hey now. You’re living your New York school dream, I’m working on putting the shittiest part of my life behind me. Things are looking up, K,” Sam said.

“That they are, Sammy. That they are.”

~*~*~

“Oh my god, you wouldn’t believe what I’m being forced to do,” Sam said once Kurt picked up the phone.

“Please share with the peanut gallery, it would love to know,” Kurt replied.

“So, Britt had a bit of a mental break down recently. She got kicked off the Cheerios, Santana has been low key ghosting her, and she was told she might not graduate again. Even though I can’t relate to most of that, I understand how hard mental breakdowns are, so I’m trying to be a friend to her because she really needs one right now. Next thing I know, she’s asking me to run as Blaine’s VP for his presidential campaign.”

“No,” Kurt said.

“Oh yeah, and it gets better. Blaine is going along with it and forcing me to run. I keep telling him that I’m graduating in December and that he should find someone who can serve the full term with him. He keeps telling me it’s not going to happen and is giving me a presidential makeover. He also has the audacity to act like I don’t know what he did to you,” Sam explained.

“You’ll be happy to know that he’s been laying off me since I’ve been here. Between classes and my internship at Vogue, I’ve been able to corner him into specific timeslots during my day. That doesn’t stop him from blowing up my phone with text messages, but I just turn off my phone and ignore them now. I’m surprised he hasn’t said anything about it, actually,” Kurt said.

“Maybe he’s been too busy focusing on me to notice you’re intentionally ignoring him. I’m happy that you’re pulling away a little. The freedom is good for you,” Sam replied.

“Well, my freedom is being commandeered in other ways. Rachel has been a wreck since she’s been here. She was alone for months and now she hangs off me every chance she gets. I swear she forces me to spend more time at NYADA than NYU at this point. She’s also still trying to get me to reaudition,” Kurt explained.

“Still? You’re at NYU, you’re happy at NYU. Why can’t she just accept that and let you be?” Sam asked.

“I don’t know, but I’m just going to keep telling her that’s not what I’m doing and eventually she’ll have to let it go. I hope it’s sooner rather than later, but we’ve met Rachel recently so who knows?” Kurt replied.

“Whose nose?” Sam responded.

Kurt laughed. “You’re ridiculous. I miss you, I wish October could come faster.”

“Me too. I’ll be happy to get away from the crazy for a bit. If this presidential campaign is anything like what the next few months will be like, I’m so glad I already got my ticket out of here,” Sam said.

“I’m happy you do too. Hopefully, Blaine won’t do anything shitty to you before you get the chance to leave,” Kurt replied.

“I can only dream, let’s just hope this is a realistic dream.”

~*~*~

Kurt could barely think straight. An unwelcome surprise but otherwise nice night was completely and totally ruined by what Blaine had done. He thought that Blaine easing up on him meant that they were past all the shit Blaine put him through and they were going back to having a nice, loving relationship. Kurt should’ve known better.

There was only one logical thing to do right now. Luckily for Kurt, Sam picked up on the first ring.

“Hey, K. What’s up?”

“Sammy,” Kurt whimpered before promptly bursting into tears.

Sam knew immediately that Blaine’s absence from glee club had everything to do with why Kurt was crying.

“Shh. Whatever it is, we’ll get through it together. Things may not be okay now, but they will be. Trust me,” Sam said as he waited for Kurt to calm down enough to tell him what happened.

Kurt told Sam about Blaine’s surprise visit and how Blaine had cheated on him. He also talked about how this was the last straw and he had finally gotten the courage to break up with Blaine. He told Sam about how stupid he was and how there were so many times where he should’ve stood up and walked out the door, but he was too afraid. He was too afraid of what Blaine would do to him, he was too afraid of anything Blaine did go through with happening again. Kurt ended up talking and talking, finally letting go of all the pain he’d been carrying with him for the past year. Sam’s heart broke for Kurt. Here he was, listening to his best friend/crush tell him about this awful relationship he had been in and there was nothing Sam could do to take it all away. Kurt would have to live with this pain for the rest of his life and Sam just watched it happen.

Eventually, Kurt had run out of things to say and tears to cry. There were just hiccups on the other end of the phone.

“I’m so sorry, K. I’m so sorry I just watched this happen to you and I didn’t do anything to get you out. I knew something like this was happening and I did nothing. I failed you, and I don’t think I can ever forgive myself for it,” Sam said.

“You did plenty. You kept reaching out to me even though I always ignored your attempts. You held me when I cried and gave me something to hold onto when things were really dark. Without you and NYU, I don’t think I would’ve made it through the summer. I almost did something, but I didn’t because I knew that if I did, I wouldn’t get to be friends with you ever again. I wouldn’t get to go to New York and live this dream life I have. Things may be shit right now, but I have you and I have New York. I appreciate and love you so much, Sammy, there aren’t any words to describe how I feel for you,” Kurt explained.

“I’m proud of you for leaving him. I know that was really hard for you, and it’s probably the hardest thing you’ll ever have to do. I’m here for you, whatever you need. I love you so much, and I think I know some words that might work to describe my feelings for you, but I’m not going to tell you now. I’ll tell you in four weeks when I see you. We’re going to have the best weekend ever filled with all things touristy and cuddles and laughter. It may sound cheesy, but it will be great and I can’t wait to see you again,” Sam replied.

Kurt smiled. “I can’t wait to see you too.”

“I do have one question though,” Sam said.

“Shoot.”

“How much do you want me to hold back when I see Anderson in glee club on Monday? I want to tear him into a million pieces and I want everyone in the New Directions to know just what type of person he is. I’ll understand if you don’t want me to say anything because it’s private information and your story to tell, but I wanted you to know that it’s going to take so much self-control to not beat him up,” Sam explained.

“See if he tries to play ‘poor, pitiful me.’ If he does, then feel free to say what you want, just don’t give specific details, please. He needs to be held accountable, and I feel like you’re probably the only person in Lima who can do that,” Kurt replied.

“What about your parents?” Sam asked.

“I told my dad that I ended it with Blaine and that I didn’t want to talk about it right now. I’m sure I’ll have that conversation with him whenever I see him next. Make sure Blaine doesn’t try to weasel his way back to me through my dad. You have permission to give him an abbreviated version of events should Blaine try to pull something,” Kurt said.

“If something happens, I’ll just say Blaine was abusive and leave it at that. If your dad wants to know more, he can talk to you,” Sam reasoned.

“Thank you. I’ve said it once but I’ll say it again, I love you and I really don’t know what I’d do without you, Sammy.”

“I love you too, K.”

~*~*~

Monday classes came and went and soon enough, Sam found himself in the choir room for glee practice. He saw Finn in there with Blaine talking to him really quietly and angrily. Sam assumed Finn knew what happened and was trying to address it quietly. Everyone else started filing into the choir room and hugging Finn. Sam could only sit in a chair and give Blaine a death stare. Finn seemed to notice but chose not to say anything. He thought that Blaine deserved much more than a death stare for what he did to Kurt, but he didn’t need to air out Blaine’s dirty laundry in the choir room.

Just like Kurt predicted, Blaine was throwing himself a pity party and refused to play Danny Zuko in _Grease_ , so there were a whole bunch of sophomores who fought for the leads. Blaine refused to play any role except Teen Angel, which Sam was fine with because that meant he didn’t have to be around Blaine as much. The one thing that was really getting him down was watching Blaine shirk his duties as student council president. He was trying to get Sam to talk to him, and the only reason Sam gave in was because he needed to get out of the VP position. He couldn’t have an office if he was leaving in December, Artie should have the spot since he was the only other person who ran for it.

Sam ended up confronting Blaine one day on the way to a student council meeting. “We need to talk, Anderson.”

“What on earth could you possibly have to say to me? We’ve barely talked since we won the election,” Blaine said.

“You shouldn’t be so surprised I have beef with you. You know how close I am to Kurt and you can bet your sorry ass I knew what you did as soon as it happened. He told me everything, you know. He could press charges for what you did to him, and you better hope he doesn’t because he will have a fierce wall of support backing him up,” Sam stated.

“I’m not scared of you, Evans. He can’t pin anything on me, he consented to everything we did,” Blaine retorted.

“Sure, whatever you say,” Sam replied.

“No one in glee club would believe you anyway. At least, no one who’s here, so it doesn’t matter anyway. Just give it up, Evans. He’s never going to love you back. He belongs to me and only me, and I will win him back. He has to answer my calls and texts someday, he’s going to start accepting my apology gifts. I am the love of his life and he knows it. No one can love him the way I do, not even you,” Blaine explained.

Sam stared at him in disbelief. “First off, I don’t know where you got the idea I love Kurt because barely anyone knows he’s my best friend. Secondly, he’s not coming back to you, if for no other reason than I’m just simply not letting him. And also, there is someone out there that is perfect for him in every way, but I can assure you his name isn’t Blaine Anderson.”

“Because you think his name is Sam Evans,” Blaine stated.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m done talking with you about this, there’s something that I actually need you to do,” Sam said.

“Sam Evans needs something from me? I wonder what it could be?” Blaine asked sarcastically.

“I need you to actually be student council president, dumbass, or I’m going to resign. I’m probably going to do that anyway because being in the same room as you makes me so angry I can’t see straight. So, if you’re going to get through the rest of the year with your reputation intact, you have to do your fucking job.”

Sam went to walk out of the room. “Also, leave Kurt alone. The last thing he needs right now is your psychotic behavior, and you best believe I’ll know if you try anything and I will hurt you if you hurt him again.”


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time to take a break from our regularly scheduled angst for some fluff!! Lord knows the boys need it.

Once Sam caught sight of Kurt, it took all his self-control to not body-slam him with a hug. Kurt seemed to be having the same problem because they collided with a bit more force than was probably necessary. Neither of them cared though. They hadn’t seen each other properly since Kurt graduated, and they missed each other desperately. 

When Sam pulled back, he didn’t realize how hard it would be to resist the urge to kiss Kurt. Since he’d acknowledged his feelings for Kurt, it wasn’t safe to kiss him. This was the first time where he could just lean in without fear of incurring the wrath of Blaine, but he didn’t know if Kurt would welcome that kind of advance from Sam right now.

Kurt grinned at him. “I’m so excited you’re here! We’re gonna go to NYU first. I’ll show you my dorm, give you a campus tour, and then we’ll get lunch. I know this wasn’t something we talked about, but I’m sure we could get Rachel to give us a tour of NYADA if you want. We don’t have to, I’ve just been there a lot and I want to show you every part of my life here. We also have to go to the Vogue office, you need to see the vault and meet Isabelle! After we do all that, I promise I won’t subject you to my shiny new life, we can just hang out and go to the museums and attractions we planned.”

“I'd love to see NYU and Vogue. I’m not sure I wanna listen to Rachel Berry talk about NYADA for hours on end, so I’ll have to get back to you on that one,” Sam replied.

“You know we have to get lunch with her at least once while you’re here or she’ll have my head,” Kurt said.

“I wasn’t aware she liked me that much,” Sam laughed.

“She doesn’t, she just wants all the McKinley gossip and I’ve been too busy with midterms to get lunch with her every day,” Kurt replied.

“That makes more sense,” Sam said. They walked toward the subway together talking about Kurt’s roommate, mostly because Sam was going to be meeting him and needed to be given the low down.

“I think I told you Toby’s a freshman history and legal studies double major from Mass. He’s thinking about being a lawyer for kids in the foster system, which is commendable but I find the idea of law school extremely dull. He doesn’t get musical theatre, so we just tease each other about not understanding our majors. He’s super nice and a total nerd, you’ll love him. His girlfriend Dalia is just as delightful and we have a great time talking about theatre together. She’s also a freshman and a dance major from Baltimore. I was actually the one who introduced them, Dalia is in a couple classes with me and she needed help with her gen ed history class, so I hooked them up. They hit it off and we’ve had a three musketeers thing going ever since. If it’s alright with you, we can meet up with them for lunch,” Kurt said.

“Why not? I’d love to meet some of the friends you’ve made here,” Sam replied. 

Kurt smiled. “Yay! I’ll text them now.”

Kurt pulled out his phone and shot off a quick text. His phone pinged not even a minute later and he pocketed it again. “We’re meeting at the campus café near our dorm. The dining hall is good, but the café feels more fitting for your first visit to NYU.”

“You make it sound like I’m going to be visiting NYU a lot,” Sam teased.

“As if you aren’t going to visit me every chance you get,” Kurt replied, grinning at Sam.

Sam didn’t know how he was going to get through the weekend without kissing Kurt if he kept looking at him like that. 

“So, this may seem like a stupid question, but has Rachel met any of your new friends?” Sam asked.

“She’s only met Toby, and that was because he happened to be in the room the one time she came to visit me on campus. She’s determined to get me into NYADA, and I think she’s trying to deny the fact that I’m planting roots here. I love NYU, I have no reason to transfer other than to go to the same school as Rachel, and I really don’t think that’s a valid reason to transfer, you know?” Kurt explained.

“I agree. I’m so glad you love it here. You deserve this experience and these people in your life. I can’t wait to see what you do,” Sam said smiling at Kurt.

Kurt grinned again. “I’m glad you’re happy for me. I’m excited to see what you decide to do. I know you don’t know yet, but I’m positive you have big things coming your way.”

“Aw, thank you,” Sam replied, pulling Kurt into a side hug.

Kurt took that as an opportunity to just melt into Sam’s side for the rest of the subway ride to NYU’s campus. They got off and dropped Sam’s stuff in Kurt’s dorm before heading over to the café Kurt was talking about. When they got there, Kurt made a beeline for a table with a guy and a girl sitting there. He greeted each of them with a hug before gesturing toward Sam to come closer.

“Toby, Dalia, this is Sam. Sam, this is Toby and Dalia,” Kurt said.

Toby shook Sam’s hand. “It’s great to finally meet the infamous Sam Evans. I’ve heard a lot about you. Sometimes it’s hard to get Kurt to talk about anything else.”

Kurt let out an offended gasp. “I talk about other things. What about all our Disney movie debates?”

“You’re right. We talk about Disney movies and Sam Evans. Nothing else ever, ever, ever,” Toby replied.

Kurt laughed. “I hate you. Dalia, save me from your wretched boyfriend.”

“I’m afraid I can’t. You live with him, remember?” Dalia said.

“The point of setting you up with him was so you’d always have my back, Lia,” Kurt replied.

“Because that’s why you date people, to defend their roommate’s honor,” Dalia said with a laugh.

“See? Now you’re getting it. There’s hope for you yet,” Kurt stated.

“Did I hear you mention you have Disney movie debates with one Kurt Hummel? No one knows about K’s secret Disney passion,” Sam said.

“How is that a secret? The man has opinions, Samuel, opinions!” Toby replied.

“See, I know that, but most of the people we know don’t know that about him. If you got him to openly acknowledge his secret passions, you’re good in my book,” Sam said.

“You hear that, Lia? We’ve gained approval from the almighty lord himself. We must bow down to him to show our gratitude,” Toby said as he did the stereotypical worshipping bow.

Kurt laughed and shook his head. “I don’t talk about him like that. I love him, sure, but I don’t worship him.”

“Could’ve fooled me,” Dalia stage whispered. Kurt nudged her in the ribs and she cackled. 

“Let’s go order. Sam’s gotta be hungry after the flight he’s had,” Kurt said.

Once everyone had food they spent hours talking. Sam got to hear about how the three of them met and the shenanigans they’d gotten up to in the short two months they’d known each other. Sam and Kurt told Toby and Dalia about their adventures (the good ones, of course) and Sam told them more about himself. Toby and Dalia eventually had to leave to go work on some homework and Kurt took him on the campus tour. Sam was so glad Kurt had decided to commit to NYU instead of trying for NYADA again. He was so happy here, and he was relaxed in a way Sam had only seen when they were at home alone together. 

They ended up meeting with Rachel for dinner before going back to Kurt’s dorm. Sam was really disheartened to see Kurt close up again and he got the extreme urge to shun Rachel from his life in the way Sam was going to make sure Blaine was shunned. He couldn’t do that though, he knew Kurt saw himself as an important part of Rachel’s support system, so he couldn’t just abandon her. Instead, Sam supplied Rachel with all the Finn gossip since that’s what she really wanted, and they were back at NYU within the hour. 

When Kurt and Sam got back, they found Toby propped up in bed reading one of his legal studies textbooks. Kurt helped get Sam situated and they ended up watching a movie on Kurt’s laptop. They were basically cuddling by the end of the movie, Kurt falling asleep on Sam’s shoulder.

Sam nudged him awake. Kurt looked around for a moment before promptly snuggling back into Sam’s side. Toby laughed at them and Sam stuck his tongue out in retaliation.

Sam nudged Kurt again. “If you’re going to fall asleep on me, we have to get ready for bed, K.”

“No. Comfy,” Kurt grumbled. Apparently, Kurt was so determined to not move that he shifted himself and Sam into a position where he could trap Sam in a hug. Sam let out an exasperated sigh and sat them back up again.

“I’m getting your pjs, K. You can’t sleep in that outfit, it looks way too uncomfortable,” Sam said.

“Beauty is pain and fashion is restriction,” Kurt replied, finally getting up now that Sam wasn’t in the bed to cling on to. 

“Sleep shouldn’t be pain though,” Sam stated.

Kurt nodded. “You’re right. You were just warm and comfy and I missed you and cuddles.”

Sam smiled and pulled Kurt into a hug. “Go get ready for bed, K.”

Kurt squeezed him back and left to go shower and change. Toby snapped his book shut, which had the desired effect of getting Sam’s attention.

“You should tell him,” Toby said.

“Am I really that obvious?” Sam asked.

“Well, it helps that I know how crazy he is about you and how everything that I see in him when he talks about you is there in your eyes. I may not have known the two of you for that long, but you’re clearly good for each other,” Toby explained.

“I don’t know. He just got out of a messy relationship. I feel like talking to him about how I feel would make things worse for him right now,” Sam replied.

“Maybe it will, maybe it won’t. I’m team Kam all the way whenever you decide to try it out,” Toby said.

“Team Kam? Jesus Christ,” Sam said.

“Super star!” Kurt exclaimed as he burst back into the room.

Sam and Toby laughed. “Did you even hear what we were talking about?”

“Nope and I don’t care. You gave me the opportunity to make a musical reference, so I ran with it,” Kurt stated. 

“You’re right. I should know better by now,” Sam replied.

“You really should,” Toby said. 

Kurt giggled. “Get ready for bed, Sammy. I want more cuddles.”

Sam looked at Toby with a questioning look. Toby nodded.

“I don’t mind if you guys share a bed as long as you don’t end up making out or having sex. You have to do that when I’m in the bathroom.”

Kurt let out an offended gasp. “How dare you suggest I would violate my best friend in that way? Shame on you!”

Toby cackled and left to go get ready for bed. By the time he got back, Kurt and Sam were wrapped around each other and basically asleep. Toby smiled and shut off the light. He hoped things would work out between the two of them.


	22. Chapter 22

Kurt and Sam had a fantastic weekend in New York. They went to MOMA, the Museum of Natural History, and Central park, saw Phantom of the Opera, and visited the Statue of Liberty, Ellis Island, and Times Square. Sam’s favorite place they went to was Vogue because of how excited Kurt was while they were there. He was radiating bright, happy energy as he showed Sam around and he looked like he was in his element. Sam also liked meeting Isabelle and the one musical theatre major Kurt had become close to, James. 

Isabelle seemed to be a perfect mentor and friend to Kurt, she was like the aunt he never had but definitely needed all his life. James was almost an exact clone of Kurt, which was as scary as it was fascinating. They seemed to fight viciously but appreciate each other fiercely because of how similar they were, and their friendship seemed to be the type that Rachel wished she had with Kurt. 

Before Sam had to fly back to Ohio, Kurt decided to take him to his favorite off campus coffee shop for lunch. Sam immediately understood why he liked it so much, the coffee was amazing and the baked goods were divine. 

“The owners are French you know, and it’s just a god given fact that Europeans do coffee shops better,” Kurt explained.

Sam laughed. “Of course you think that.”

“It’s true though! I haven’t been able to go there yet, but I know I’ll be proven right the moment I have my first sip of European coffee. I’ll even make sure you’re there so I can really prove my point,” Kurt said.

“You really think we’ll still be good enough friends to do stuff like that someday?” Sam asked.

“I don’t know what it is, but I feel like we’re life partners of some sort. Like, no matter what we’re doing, we’ll find a way back to each other so we can share our lives together. I realize that sounds really weird because we’re not dating or anything, but I feel it in my bones,” Kurt replied.

Sam’s eyes went huge and for a moment, he dared to hope Kurt might love him back. “Do you mean friend life partners or romantic life partners?”

“I haven’t decided yet. I know that right now isn’t the right time to be romantically involved with someone, but I won’t be freshly out of an abusive relationship forever. I could learn to love someone again,” Kurt explained.

Sam decided to not say anything and took a long swig of his drink. Kurt noticed and became concerned.

“Are you trying to tell me something?”

“What? No, I was just curious is all,” Sam explained, flashing Kurt what he hoped was a convincing smile.

Kurt raised his eyebrows. “If you’re sure. Just know I won’t ever judge you for how you feel.”

“I know. Same goes for you,” Sam replied, avoiding eye contact for a moment.

They sat in silence for a moment, not really knowing how to continue the conversation.

“There was something else I wanted to talk to you about,” Sam said eventually.

“Go for it,” Kurt replied.

“I was thinking about what I want to do after I graduate, and I think want to give living here a try. I’ve lived in the Bible Belt and the Midwest, I want to try the East Coast. I also want to be closer to you because I miss you constantly and I’m just done with this whole being kept apart from you thing,” Sam explained.

“That would be amazing! If you moved at the right time, we could get an apartment together and be roommates! I love Toby, but living with you out here would be beyond amazing,” Kurt responded. “Do you know what you’d do out here?”

Sam shrugged. “I don’t have that figured out quite yet, but I know that I need a change of scenery more than anything. I think the rest of it will click in when I get out of high school.”

“I mean, if all else fails you can just get a job that’ll pay the rent,” Kurt said.

“Exactly, although I’d hopefully have something else going on beyond that and living with you. Not that living with you won’t be amazing, I just don’t want that to be the only thing happening for me,” Sam replied.

“I think that’s totally reasonable. I’d be really concerned if my presence was the only reason you were doing something, I don’t think that would be fair to either of us,” Kurt said.

Sam grinned. “We’re seriously going to try and get a place together within the next year?”

Kurt grinned back. “I think so. I’m so excited, we haven’t even made any official plans and I’m counting down the days until you’re out here with me.”

“Let’s figure out dates, then we can figure out a budget and neighborhoods to go apartment hunting in,” Sam replied.

~*~*~

Sam walked into the choir room with a skip in his step. He was still riding the high of having such a good visit with Kurt, and he was fairly convinced that not even seeing Blaine Anderson’s stupid face could take him down from the high. 

Artie noticed and wheeled himself next to where Sam was sitting. “Good weekend in New York?”

“Best vacation I’ve ever been on. Not that I’ve really gone on a vacation since my siblings were born, but still. New York was amazing,” Sam replied.

“And was that because of the place or the company?” Artie teased.

Sam playfully shoved him. “Shut up.”

“You’re blushing! It was totally the company. You stayed with Kurt, right?” Artie asked.

“Yeah. We’ve been good friends since he transferred to Dalton, so it made sense to visit him at school,” Sam explained.

“Huh. I don’t know how I missed that, but you know who you’re friends with better than I do,” Artie replied.

Blaine decided to speak up. “You were with Kurt this weekend? How is he?”

Sam glared at him. “What’s it to you? You cheated on him, you don’t have any business in trying to get back into his life.”

“Just because I made a mistake doesn’t mean I don’t still care about him. I still love him, Sam, we’re meant to be together and I will stop at nothing to get him back,” Blaine stated.

Sam scoffed. “We know for a fact that you don’t give a rat’s ass about Kurt, Anderson. If you really cared about him, you’d recognize what you did to him was wrong and disappear from his life for good.”

“That sounds awful. How about you back off so Kurt can remember who he belongs to.” Blaine said.

“Not happening. K is my best friend and I will be there for him until he tells me he doesn’t want me anymore. Also, Kurt isn’t an object that can be won or stolen, so please stop talking about him like that,” Sam replied. 

Blaine was about to respond, but luckily for Sam, Mr. Schue got started with the glee club meeting.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter time!!
> 
> TW: reference to past sexual assault and abusive relationship. Nothing graphic, but they talk about it and Blaine is generally a manipulative, slimy douchebag. Stay safe, my dudes.

Sam was so glad Sectionals was this weekend and that glee would be super low key after this. He was barely able to tolerate being around Blaine and his pity party at this point, and Sectionals being over meant he had only 25 more days of school left. Also, Kurt was coming home for Thanksgiving which Sam was very excited for. Columbus Day weekend was fantastic, but he still missed Kurt like crazy and he couldn’t wait to give him a hug again.

Kurt couldn’t be home that Monday like the rest of the New Directions alums, but that turned out to not be a bad thing when Finn paired them all up with a sophomore. Sam didn’t know who Finn would’ve paired Kurt up with, but Blaine most likely would’ve tried to abscond with Kurt and none of the sophies needed to be wrapped up in Blaine’s drama. Kurt did end up coming to their last dress rehearsal, and Sam bolted over to give him a hug when he noticed him. He should’ve known that was a bad decision because everyone was staring, but he decided he missed Kurt's huge more than he cared about what anyone else thought.

Santana watched them in disbelief. “Since when were Trouty Mouth and Porcelain friends? I know everything that’s ever happened in this group, how did I miss this?”

“Santana, lay off. They don't owe anyone anything and they were never secretive about it, just not obvious,” Mercedes hissed in her ear.

“I feel betrayed. There is juicy gossip here and I didn’t know. Porcelain, we have a lunch date for after Sectionals. I don’t care what you think, you are hitting me up,” Santana proclaimed.

Kurt went white. “Um, sure, Santana. I’ll text you.”

“You better,” Santana replied, walking away.

Mercedes came closer. “Hey, Kurt. I didn’t see you sneak in. How’ve you been?”

“New York has been great. NYU has been great. I get homesick sometimes, but I love what I’m doing most of the time so that helps a lot. What about you? You’re living the glorious life out in L.A.” Kurt said.

“It’s not all glamor and UCLA classes are kicking my butt, but I’m so happy. I get homesick sometimes too, but L.A. is where I need to be, you know?” Mercedes replied.

“I get exactly what you mean. I knew I needed to get out of Ohio, but I didn’t realize how badly I needed to get out of Ohio until I got to New York. I feel like I’ve started transforming, and I really like the person I’m becoming,” Kurt explained.

“Yes! It’s a whole new world, but it’s a world that appreciates you as much as you appreciate it,” Mercedes said.

“I’m so glad you were able to find that too. Do you have any plans for dinner tonight? I could snag Sam and we could go to Breadstix or something,” Kurt asked.

“I’d love to, I just gotta let my mom know I won’t be home for dinner,” Mercedes replied.

“Great! I’m gonna go talk to Finn for a second, I’ll be right back.”

Kurt waited until Finn dismissed everyone before approaching him. Finn noticed him and smiled.

“Hey, dude. What did you think of the setlist?” Finn asked.

“The duet was good, ‘Gangnam Style’ not so much. I definitely don’t think you should change it, but I have no idea what possessed you to pick it,” Kurt said.

“We’re fighting fire with fire, a big dance number with a big dance number,” Finn explained.

Kurt nodded. “Okay. We’ve done big dance numbers before without making it weird, but I’m not going to say anything else about it. They’ll be great tomorrow, and that’s all that matters.”

“I know we’ve done good dance numbers before, but if I’m being totally honest, I’m trying to top our Michael setlist from last year and I didn’t know how to do it,” Finn explained.

“That was probably our best setlist of all time. I think the only competitive number that rivaled it was ‘Proud Mary’ in wheelchairs, and we didn’t even get to perform that one at a competition. Ask Mr. Schue if you can bring it back. Artie, Tina, and Britt can help you remember the choreography and Unique has a powerful enough voice to carry it the way Mercedes did,” Kurt said.

Finn nodded enthusiastically. “That would be awesome to do at Regionals. I’d have to find a bunch of wheelchairs first though.”

“Win Sectionals, then worry about the wheelchairs. I can help you with that if you want. I’m always just a call or text away, even though I am insanely busy,” Kurt said, giving Finn a pat on the shoulder.

Finn smiled at him. “Thanks. I’ll try to remember that.”

Kurt smiled back and went out to find Sam. He ended up running into Artie first.

“Artie! I haven’t seen you in so long,” Kurt said, leaning down to give Artie a hug.

“Kurt, my man! It’s been too long,” Artie replied.

They took a moment to catch up. Kurt talked about NYU, Artie talked about being a senior and how awkward it’s been to be an OG New Directions member and to have Finn as the coach. 

“That reminds me. I was talking to Finn about our best competition stuff and I brought up reviving ‘Proud Mary’ in wheelchairs. Would you be mad if he did that?” Kurt asked.

“That was pretty epic. I also think it was the best glee lesson Mr. Schue ever taught,” Artie replied.

“Oh it definitely was. He's still a good teacher, but he's never been able to top himself,” Kurt said.

“Too true. Yeah, I won’t immediately shoot down the idea and I’ll help everybody learn the choreography. It’d be really cool to do something like that again, especially with the newbies,” Artie agreed.

“Great! I wanted to make sure I wasn’t setting Finn up to offend you. I know we aren’t as close as we used to be, but I’d hate myself if Finn told me you got mad at him for trying to bring it back, especially since he wouldn’t be doing it if I hadn’t said anything,” Kurt explained.

“It’s all good, dude. I’m glad we talked, we should keep in touch more,” Artie said.

“Yeah, definitely,” Kurt replied.

Sam found them when Kurt and Artie were saying goodbye to each other. 

“You and Artie are friends?” Sam asked.

“We used to be super close. Artie, Tina, Mercedes, and I were the New Directions oddballs that first year, so we stuck together most of the time. We started growing apart after we did a flash mob to ‘U Can’t Touch This’ in the library to try and get some badass points,” Kurt explained.

“Seriously? Is there a video of this?”

“I think so. If there is, it’s buried on the flash drive I have from that year. I’ll see if I can find it when we get home,” Kurt said.

“I want to watch it. I want to see you all trying to be badasses by doing a flash mob in the library of all places,” Sam replied.

Kurt laughed. “It was so lame. The whole thing was my idea, I honestly don’t know why I thought it would work.”

“Knowing you were the one that came up with it makes it even funnier. You’ve got a beautiful mind, K,” Sam said.

“So you say. Come on, we’re meeting Mercedes at Breadstix,” Kurt replied, looping his arm through Sam’s.

~*~*~

After Marley fainted on stage, everyone that was involved with the New Directions booked it to the choir room. In all the chaos, Blaine managed to corner Kurt in Mr. Schue’s office.

“Okay, Kurt. I’ve given you plenty of space, when will you come to your senses and come back to me?” Blaine asked.

“Blaine, we broke up because you cheated on me. That was only the latest of a whole bunch of other reasons I should’ve broken it off. We should’ve just gotten past the one year anniversary of our breakup because that was the first time you did something awful to me. Since then, you only got worse. Did I fuck up a little, sure, but you wronged me in a way that I can never forgive you for. You’re never going to get my forgiveness and you’re never going to get me back,” Kurt said.

“Whatever I did, I’m sorry. I promise I’ll be better, I love you so much, Kurt, I don’t know how to live without you,” Blaine replied.

“Whatever you did? You raped me Blaine! I think you raped me more than we had consensual sex! After that first time we had sex after graduation, I never consented to the things you did to me, and you did a lot of things! Compared to that, the cheating was nothing! It just finally gave me an excuse to leave you that everyone would accept!” Kurt hissed.

“I thought you wanted me just as much as I did,” Blaine said meekly.

“Well, you’re wrong, and you would’ve known that if you ever actually listened to me and treated me like a person! I’m allowed to have friends, I’m allowed to have a life that doesn’t revolve around yours! I was your partner, Blaine, not some doll who you could play with and expect to follow you around everywhere!” Kurt explained.

Blaine shook his head and laughed. “This is all nonsense, Kurt. You don’t have to be scared to admit that you want to come back to me. We both know I’m why you came back this weekend, so just accept the inevitable and take me back.”

Kurt was fuming. “I can’t believe you. You realize it’s Thanksgiving today, right? That’s why I’m home. I’m at this competition right now because my brother is the coach of this team and my best friend is performing. The fact that you’re here as well and that I’m supporting you by supporting them is totally a coincidence. Also, I’m never taking you back, and that’s never going to be up for negotiation.”

Blaine was about to respond, but the New Directions were summoned back onto the stage. Everyone was shocked to find out they were disqualified because they abandoned the stage in the middle of their performance. It didn’t matter that Marley had a medical emergency, they were disqualified which meant the competitive season was over for the New Directions.

The vibe in the choir room was weird. No one really knew what to do with news of the unfair disqualification. Most people ended up packing up their stuff and going home with their parents in silence because no one knew what to say to each other. Eventually, the only people who were left were Kurt, Sam, Finn, and Mr. Schue. 

“I’m sorry you guys got disqualified for a medical emergency. You should appeal to the show choir board to get that rule changed,” Kurt suggested.

“Finn and I will work on it,” Mr. Schue replied.

Kurt nodded and turned to walk out of the room with Sam following close behind. They didn’t say anything to each other until they were safely in the car away from prying eyes and ears. Kurt rested his head against the steering wheel and Sam hugged him as best he could given their current situation.

“I saw Anderson talking to you after Marley passed out. I wanted to step in, but I figured that would draw too much attention to you and I didn’t want things to get out of control between the two of you,” Sam said.

Kurt turned to hug Sam properly and let out a shaky breath. “He wants me to go back to him. I told him exactly why I would never do that, but he didn’t listen. He some how managed to convince himself I was home to watch him compete, and I told him why that was such a stupid thought. It was ridiculous, it’s a fucking holiday weekend and both my stepbrother and best friend are involved with the glee club, of course I came home and went to watch the competition! I wish he’d just leave me alone whenever I come visit, I don’t know if I’ll be able to continue standing up to him.”

Sam squeezed Kurt tight. “I’m so proud of you. You survived your first conversation since you broke up, and not only did you survive but you stood up to him. That took guts, K.”

“What if I can’t do it again? What if I let him hurt me again?” Kurt asked, his voice very small.

“Well, the saying goes that once you do something once, you’re 100 times more likely to do it again. You successfully stood up to him tonight, so if he ever bugs you again it’s super likely you’ll be able to hold your own,” Sam said.

“I’m still really scared, Sammy,” Kurt replied.

“How about this, whenever we’re at a place that we know he’s going to be, we won’t leave each other alone. I’ll be with you at all times and you’ll be with me at all times, and if we ever have to separate for some reason, we won’t leave each other alone, even if that means hanging out with Puck or someone,” Sam suggested.

Kurt nodded. “I'd like that. He only really hurt me physically when there was no one around, so always having someone with me will keep him from doing something like that.”

Sam smiled sadly. “I’ll do anything to keep you safe, K. I know you don’t need to be wrapped in cotton wool or anything like that, but I love you too much to let anything happen to you. I let you slip away from me once, I can’t go through that again.”

“I’m so sorry I put you through that. I should’ve tried harder to get away,” Kurt replied.

“No, no, no, that’s not what I’m saying at all. Maybe there was something we could’ve done to make sure what happened didn’t happen, but we can’t change it now and neither of us is at fault. Anderson hurt you and it’s his fault. It wasn’t your job to know what kind of person he would become when things got hard,” Sam explained.

Kurt laughed a little. “You make it seem like it should be easy to not blame myself.”

Sam laughed too. “Oh, it’s definitely easy for me to not blame you, but I beat myself up about it every day. I repeat what I just told you like a mantra so I can maybe get through the day without hating myself too much. It kind of works, but I think we’ll get to someplace where we can forgive ourselves eventually.”

Kurt nodded. “That place sounds great. Can we go there now and be all better?”

“Unfortunately, neither of us has directions, so I think we’re going to have to settle for going home,” Sam replied.

Kurt pouted, but started up the car and drove them home anyway. “Can you stay with me tonight? I don’t think I can handle being alone right now.”

“Anything for you, K,” Sam promised, giving Kurt a kiss on the forehead. Kurt wasn’t quite sure why, but the action made his stomach burst with butterflies, and he decided he like feeling that way with Sam.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time for shit to happen!!
> 
> The song Sam sings in this chapter is "Got to Fly" by Marian Call. It's a bit OOC for him, but I feel like it matches how he's felt about his last semester of school. Also, someone definitely showed him another Marian Call song called "I'll Still Be a Geek After Nobody Think It's Chic" which is on the same album as "Got to Fly", so I don't think it's too far out of the question for him to have heard this song.

Since the New Directions hadn’t made it to Regionals, Coach Sue made sure they couldn’t use the choir room. This eventually got rolled back because there were actual classes held in the choir room, but the glee club could only meet twice a week if they didn’t want to incur the wrath of Sue.

Sam hadn’t said anything about graduating early, but given his impending departure, he decided to prepare a goodbye song. His last Monday there, he asked Finn if he could talk to the group.

“Go for it,” Finn said, patting him on the shoulder.

Sam stood in the middle of the choir room with his guitar. “Hey, guys. So, most of you don’t know this, but I was supposed to graduate last year. I didn’t because when I came back here from Kentucky, my classes didn’t transfer in time for me to be put on the final graduation roster for 2012, which was stupid but the only thing that isn't stupid about this school is glee club if we're being honest here. Instead of repeating the whole year, I got the school to let me repeat only one semester. I’m graduating at the end of the week.”

The choir room went into an uproar. How did Sam manage that? Why didn’t he say anything before? What was he expecting them to do if they had gotten to Regionals? Finn eventually yelled at everyone to quiet down.

“Thanks, Finn. Just like last year’s seniors, I prepared a goodbye song for all of you. I’d like to perform it for you now.”

_Thank you for calling, leave me a message please_ _  
Tell me what day and what month and what year it is  
‘Cause I’m not here, no baby, I’m not home  
The lights are on for sure, but baby the occupants have flown  
I’ll catch you later lo-ove, uh-oh, uh-goodbye  
I got to fly, got to fly, I got to fly  
  
Well I don’t know how you got the stomach for reality when  
You could go circle the stars, you wouldn’t believe where I’ve been  
Just this week I’ve made some freakishly fabulous finds  
My corpse has been here but my mind’s covered miles  
I’m craving altitude so kindly step aside  
I got to fly, fly  
  
I’ve seen such things  
I’ve been tasting lights and touching voices  
And you can’t clip my wings  
I’ll be back to pay the bills but practicality may poison my joy  
So let me go love, recognize  
I got to fly, I got to, got to, got to fly  
  
Thank you for calling, leave me a detailed message please  
Tell me what day and what month and what year it is  
I’m gonna bring you back the goblet and the sword and the flower  
I’m gonna mount a rescue love, gonna lay siege to the tower  
I need adventure love so let me off this rock  
Because I fully understand  
The minute that I land_

_I got a trip I got to take  
I got a call I got to make  
I got a run I got to do  
I got to follow up  
I got to clean, I got to send  
I got a file I got to get  
I got to give  
I got to go through that pile_

_I got a list, I got a note  
I got a job, I got to vote  
I got to read, I got to write  
I got to get more sleep tonight  
I got to go, I got a goal  
I got to trim I got to be  
I got to buy  
I got to try to hit the gym  
And_

_I got to pray, I got to think  
I got to got to need a drink  
I got to learn, I got a plan  
I got to squeeze you in  
I got a million miles to go  
I got an endless row to hoe  
So when I got time to blow  
I got to got to got to  
Fly  
  
I’ve seen such things, you wouldn’t believe it  
I’ve been hearing shadows and smelling noises  
And you can’t clip my wings, in a metaphor sense  
‘Cause I can imagine a reality where all of my choices  
Are meaningful, critical, beautiful, bold  
It makes the waking world look so dead cold  
Where consequences really proceed from our acts  
Where the truth might for once line up with the facts  
What a world, what a world  
If I can imagine it so  
Imagining must matter and that’s why  
I got to go, gotta go, gotta go, gotta go, gotta go  
  
Thank you for calling, I’ll get back to you soon  
If you should get a message from the dark side of the moon  
You’ll know that that’s me, baby you’ll know I’m there  
The reception’s lousy baby, but the view’s beyond compare  
So if you want to call shotgun on my rocket  
Well, you ought to baby  
Let’s, let’s, baby let’s, let’s, let’s fly _

_I got to fly. I got to fly_ _  
  
We’re gonna ditch the sad cynics saying we’re all the same  
Saying we got no really real adventures left to our name  
And no love, and no truth  
And no spark, and no mystery  
But I got a ticket off this rock and I’m history_

Everyone clapped for Sam’s performance and Finn gave them the glee assignment for the week. Once glee was over, Artie caught up to Sam.

“You’re leaving and not coming back, aren’t you?” Artie asked.

“That's the idea, but I don't know what's actually gonna happen. I’m gonna go stay with my parents in Kentucky for a while, but then I'm following Kurt to New York. I don’t know what I’m going to do in New York, but I’ll figure something out. That won’t be for a few months, so I have plenty of time to brainstorm,” Sam said.

Artie nodded. “I’m going to film school in Brooklyn. I got my acceptance letter last week. I haven’t committed yet because I know my mom is super nervous about me going, but I think I’ll get her to come around. We should meet up in the city sometime.”

“Yeah, we definitely should,” Sam replied.

“Well, I should probably get going. Congrats, by the way,” Artie said.

“Thanks, you too. I’m sure you’ll be great in film school,” Sam stated.

Artie smiled and rolled away. Sam went to Miss Pillsbury’s office to make sure everything was set up for him to finish this week.

~*~*~

Sam came home from school on December 20th with a diploma in hand. As soon as Kurt saw him, he swept Sam up into a hug a spun him around.

“My best friend graduated high school! He’s all grown up now!” Kurt exclaimed.

Sam laughed. “I wasn’t all grown up before?”

“Didn’t you know? Your high school diploma is what makes you a man,” Kurt teased.

“And to think, I almost missed out on my passage into manhood by wanting to drop out of high school in Kentucky,” Sam replied.

“It’s a good thing you kept going, I wouldn’t want a little boy for a best friend,” Kurt said. “Seriously though, I’m proud of you for sticking it out. I know it must’ve been super tempting to drop out when you moved to Kentucky and at the end of last year, but now you have a high school diploma which means people are more willing to give you a job.”

“Thanks, K. I’m not sure I could’ve done it without you,” Sam replied.

Kurt smiled sweetly at him. “Don’t mention it. I love you and I’d do anything for you. We’re ride or die, Sammy, and helping you graduate high school was just one of many things I will happily support you through as long as we’re friends.”

“Yeah. Can I talk to you about something?” Sam asked.

“Sure,” Kurt replied.

Sam lead Kurt up to his room. He shut the door and pulled out a notebook he had on his bedside table.

“So, do you remember that conversation we had a few months ago about how we didn’t have the words to describe how much we loved each other, and I told you there were some words I had in mind, but didn’t want to talk about it at the time?” Sam asked.

Kurt nodded.

“I know I promised you this when I came to visit in October, but it wasn’t the right time to talk about it. I feel like now is a better time to explain how I feel about you,” Sam explained. He opened up his notebook. “So, we've talked about how we were some kind of life partners before, but we didn't know what kind. I did some research, and I think I found a good word to describe what we have, which is a QPR, short for queer-platonic relationship.”

Kurt nodded. "I've heard about those. They're like an in-between place for people who want to have a deeper connection with someone without the pressures of a typical romantic relationship. You think we have one?"

"I do. I feel like most people would look at us and think we're dating, but our relationship has never been like that. That's fine, but I think I want more that."

Kurt stared at him wide-eyed. “What?”

“Basically, what I’m saying is I’m deeply in love with you and I want us to be dating, not just in this in-between place,” Sam explained.

“Oh,” Kurt replied. They sat there in silence for a few minutes.

“I’m really sorry if I made you uncomfortable. You don’t have to say it back or date me or anything. I just needed you to know before you went back to New York, and I needed to tell you before I followed you to New York. I wanted to give you time to process the information so we could figure things out,” Sam said.

“How long have you known you were in love with me?” Kurt asked.

“Since Michael week, but Mercedes thinks I was in love with you the entire time we dated.”

“That’s a year and a half,” Kurt said.

“It is,” Sam replied.

“And you never said anything?” Kurt asked.

“I couldn’t put you in danger like that. By the time I realized what I was feeling, things between you and Blaine were starting to get bad and I needed to support you. Telling you I was in love with you would’ve made things more complicated and potentially more dangerous.”

“Why didn’t you tell me right after we broke up?”

“It wasn't a good time and I really don't think you would've taken it well. I can't hurt you in that way, I'd never forgive myself if I did.”

Kurt nodded. “Will you wait for me?”

“I’ll wait for you until you tell me not to,” Sam said.

Kurt nodded again and stood to give Sam a hug. “I love you, Sammy. I’m gonna go think now. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

Sam hugged Kurt back and then let him go to his room. He really wished Kurt would let him hold him right now, but Sam didn’t want to make things more complicated than they already were. Sam just bundled himself up in bed and stared at the wall until he fell asleep, desperately hoping he hadn't scared Kurt away from him.


	25. Chapter 25

Kurt took a shaky breath. Out of all the things he thought Sam was going to say, Sam telling him he was in love with him was the last thing Kurt was expecting. He knew Sam cared about him a lot, they told each other they loved each other every time they talked, but he had no idea that was how Sam felt about him. The question was did Kurt feel the same?

He honestly had no idea. He definitely had a little bit of a crush on Sam when he first asked about doing a duet with him, but everyone pushed back against him so much that Sam became off limits within a week of the two knowing each other. Then he met Blaine and started crushing on him, at which point Sam became his friend. By the time Kurt and Sam were close enough for Sam to tell him what happened at his first high school, Kurt was deeply entrenched with Blaine and probably couldn’t find those crushing feelings for Sam and act on them. If Kurt was being completely honest with himself, he thought Sam was still hung up on Mercedes for the past year.

Now was different though. Kurt knew that Sam was bi and he knew Sam was very interested in dating Kurt specifically. Kurt was definitely not going to be pulled back into Blaine’s games. He wasn’t going to forgive Blaine, but he also wasn’t over what Blaine had done to him. The trauma was definitely still there, so Kurt wasn’t sure he could handle dating anyone right now, and that included Sam even though he knew Sam wouldn’t hurt him like that.

So, Kurt probably wasn’t ready to date right now and he knew Sam would wait for him for at least a little while. The thing Kurt needed to figure out was if he should make Sam wait for him. He decided he was going to take some time and act like he normally did. He’d tell Sam what he was trying to figure out and hope he would understand. Hopefully, Kurt would be able to figure out if he was also interested in Sam romantically.

~*~*~

Kurt knocked on Sam’s door before breakfast the next day. He must have woken Sam up because he was very sleepy when he opened the door. He was also very shirtless, and there was a part of Kurt’s brain that short circuited and all Kurt could think about for a minute was how gay he was. Kurt shook himself out of his stupor and smiled at Sam.

“I’ve thought about what we talked about last night and I have some kind of answer for you,” Kurt said.

Sam let Kurt into his room and shut the door. They sat on the bed together.

“So I definitely had a small crush on you when we first met. You were cute and I wanted to get to know you better. Then everyone kept pushing me away from you so you became someone who wasn't an option, and then everything happened so you continued to stay not an option. Now, you are an option and I don’t know how I feel about that. I definitely really care about you, and I definitely love you a lot, but I don't know if I'm in love with you.”

Sam nodded. Kurt took that as a sign he could keep going.

“I want to know though. If being best friends/being in a QPR with you is anything like being your boyfriend, I know we could be really happy together. I also feel like I owe it to you to figure out my feelings for you so you can act on them or move on. I don’t want you to be hung up on me because I can’t make up my mind. So what I want to do is act like we normally do and see if there are any feelings there I wasn’t registering before. Maybe if I’m looking for them, I’ll see them.”

Sam nodded again. Kurt opened his arms and Sam accepted the offered hug.

Kurt took a deep breath. “There’s one other thing I want you to know. If I am in love with you, I don’t know if I’ll be ready to date seriously for a while. Blaine really fucked me up, and I don’t think I could go really fast without freaking out. If you can’t handle that, then I don’t think dating will be an option for us.”

Sam squeezed Kurt tight. “It’s like I told you last night, if we date, I want it to be a good experience for both of us. If that means we go so slow that it takes forever for the sex thing to happen, then that’s okay. I’m in love with you, whether or not you can have sex with me. Sex is a bonus, not a reason to be with someone.”

“Okay. Blaine thought I owed it to him because of all the pain and anger I made him feel. If I was going to make him angry and stressed all the time, then I needed to give him the means to release that stress and anger,” Kurt explained.

“That is not what sex would be like with us at all. Sex is a way to be closer to someone, and you don’t owe it to anyone to be involved like that,” Sam said. He kissed the top of Kurt’s head and Kurt felt those butterflies from a few weeks ago again. “Look, you don’t even know if you love me like that. We’ll continue this conversation if we decide to start dating, okay?”

“Okay. Thank you for understanding, Sammy,” Kurt said, snuggling closer to Sam.

Sam smiled. “Anything for you, K.”

~*~*~

Kurt and Sam spent the next few days relaxing and helping Kurt’s family prepare for Christmas. Things between them were pretty normal, but there was some tension that wasn’t normally there. Sam left on Christmas Eve to go visit his parents and Burt took the opportunity to confront his son about how weird he’d been lately.

“Hey, Kurt? I wanna talk to you,” Burt said.

“Sure,” Kurt replied. He moved to sit down with his dad on the couch.

“Are you okay? You’ve seemed off lately, and I wanted to make sure I didn’t upset you,” Burt explained.

Kurt had almost completely forgotten about how his dad had been diagnosed with prostate cancer a couple weeks ago. Well, he remembered, it was just his mind had been reeling for the past few days.

“Dad, cancer is upsetting no matter what. I’m glad that you’re probably going to be fine, but my anxiety about that isn’t going to let up until you’re in remission.”

Burt nodded. He knew there was something else, but he wasn't quite sure how to ask about it. He figured it was best to just take the plunge. "Is there anything else you want to talk about?"

Kurt looked over at his dad with wide eyes. "No, I'm just anxious about you and school and stuff."

"You know you can tell me anything and I won't judge you," Burt said.

"I know, I promise I'm fine," Kurt replied.

Burt sighed heavily. "I'm asking because Blaine's been bugging me about you. I haven't said anything because I know you two are broken up, but I'm running out of things to tell him. Is there anything you want me to say? Because at this point I'm tempted to just tell him to talk to you."

"Whatever you do, please don't do that!" Kurt said in a panicked voice they were both shocked to hear.

Kurt took a deep breath so he could speak in more calmly. "It's just, we didn't break up on good terms. I don't want to see him and I've already said everything I have to say to him. If I were you, I'd just block his number and not speak to him again if you can help it."

Burt nodded. "Should I be worried about you?"

"No, I'll be okay. I'm safe in New York and I have good friends out there. Sam and Mercedes are there for me whenever I have to be around Blaine, so I'm really not worried about it. I just don't want to talk to him again and I don't want you to have to deal with him," Kurt explained.

"Okay, I'll take you at your word. If you need anything, call me. I'm here for you no matter what, kiddo," Burt said.

Kurt nodded and all but ran to his room. He really hoped that his dad was able to shut Blaine down and get Blaine to leave him alone. Kurt wasn't sure what he would do if Blaine managed to worm his way back to him through his dad, although something told him that if Blaine did manage to do something like that, it wouldn't be through his dad.

~*~*~

When Kurt hadn’t said anything about how he felt about Sam before Sam went to Kentucky for Christmas, Sam made sure to leave some of his stuff at the Hudson-Hummel house so he’d have an excuse to go back to Ohio before Kurt had to go back to school. He went back to Ohio to finish moving out a week before Kurt went back, and Kurt knew exactly why he was there.

Three days before Kurt had to go back to school, he approached Sam.

“I have a question for you.”

“Shoot,” Sam replied.

“Can I kiss you?” Kurt asked.

Sam was taken totally off guard. “Does this mean you maybe love me back?”

Kurt nodded. “I think so, but I want to kiss you to be sure.”

Sam just froze, so Kurt took it upon himself to lean in and kiss him. It was a sweet chaste kiss that managed to convey everything they felt for each other. Before either one of them could deepen the kiss, Kurt pulled back, his eyes sparkling.

“So?” Sam asked, his voice very small and very scared.

“I’m 95% sure I’m love with you,” Kurt said.

Sam grinned. “I like those odds, but what about that other 5%?”

“I think it’s me projecting my trauma onto you. I want to be with you, but I need to get some help first. I’m gonna see one of the counselors at NYU when I go back so we can be together. I really do love you, but I don’t want Blaine to be the reason we have problems in the future,” Kurt explained.

“Makes sense to me. I’m proud of you for taking this next step toward healing, K. I’ll be there with you every step of the way,” Sam said.

“Thank you, Sammy. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

They kissed again, still not daring to make it anything other than chaste. Kurt giggled when they pulled back.

“What?” Sam asked.

“I just thought about how I could go back to New York and tell everyone you’re my boyfriend and it made me really happy,” Kurt said.

“I’d love nothing more than to be the reason Toby, Dalia, and James tease you endlessly,” Sam replied, plopping a kiss on Kurt’s forehead.

“Who said anything about my friends teasing me? I would’ve thought they’d be happy for me,” Kurt retorted.

“I’d literally known Toby for eight hours before he told me I should be with you. You’d only been broken up with Blaine for a month at that point so I didn't dare to try anything, but he was already a hardcore shipper,” Sam explained. 

“Goddamn Toby and his shipping habit. I swear, that boy needs to mind his own damn business,” Kurt responded.

Sam laughed. “You should tell him that.”

“I will,” Kurt said. They kissed again. Kurt’s eyes went wide and he pulled back.

“Rachel’s going to have a fit when I tell her we’re dating.”

“Why would she do that?” Sam asked.

“She’s been pushing me to talk to Blaine so I could forgive him for cheating on me. Unfortunately for her, that ship has burned to the ground. I also think I'll like where we're going much better," Kurt said.

Sam grinned. "I hope so. I don't want our ship to be anything like the one you shared with Anderson."

"I don't think it will be. For one, we actually love each other and not obsessed with an idea of what each other should be," Kurt replied.

"That kind of thing helps I think," Sam said, bringing Kurt into another kiss. "You really do love me like that, right? I don't wanna force you into something you don't want."

Kurt shook his head. "You're not forcing me into anything. I've thought about it a lot and realized a few things, one of them being I never really loved Blaine. I thought I did, but whatever I felt for him disappeared after that night at Scandals, I just didn't know how to leave him. I also realized that my love for you has always been different from my love for my other friends. Part of that was definitely the QPR aspect of our relationship, but things just felt deeper with you. Like, what I felt for you was what I was supposed to be feeling for Blaine and I didn't want to admit it to myself because I never really thought I could leave Blaine or be wanted in that way by you. If I'm being totally honest with myself, I probably could've gotten the courage to leave Blaine a year ago if I'd known how you felt about me."

Sam stared at him with wide eyes. "I really could've gotten you out of that mess?"

"Well, maybe. I don't really know, but I want to believe that I could've figured out how to do it sooner. I probably would've realized I loved you sooner if I'd known, and that on it's own would've pushed me to do something. Not sure what, but I would've found a way out sooner, and probably before things started to get really bad. Or maybe it would've made things go bad sooner. I don't know," Kurt explained.

"I guess it doesn't matter now, but now I feel guilty for not telling you sooner if it meant you didn't have to go through all the shit he did to you," Sam replied, hugging Kurt tight.

"We won't ever know, and I don't want you to blame yourself for anything that happened because it definitely wasn't your fault. It happened, and there are things that I still have to deal with because it happened, but that isn't what's most important. What matters is I love you and you love me and we can be together now for as long as we want," Kurt said, burying his head into Sam's neck.

Sam smiled and pressed a kiss into Kurt's temple. "I think I can be okay with that."


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ngl, this is one of my favorite chapters of this fic, so I hope y'all like it!!
> 
> **Spoilers in the trigger warning**
> 
> TW: assault. This is probably the most graphic description I've come up with, but it's mostly groping and a kiss. Still icky, but not a full blown description of rape. Stay safe, kiddos.

“Why are we going to Mr. Schue’s wedding again?” Kurt asked as he finished putting on his dress shirt.

“Because everyone would have our heads if we didn’t and it was an excuse to see you before spring break,” Sam replied, coming up behind Kurt and wrapping his arms around Kurt’s waist.

“I feel like we should stop caring about what everyone thinks and only do things if we actually want to do them,” Kurt said, turning and giving Sam a kiss on the cheek.

Sam grinned. “Maybe, but I still wanted to see you.”

“I’ve only been gone two weeks, Sammy,” Kurt stated.

“And that’s two weeks of kisses I’ve missed out on. I don’t know how I thought I was going to be able to make it to May, I’m ready to move in with you now,” Sam said.

“Unfortunately for both of us, I paid for one year of housing and there’s no point in having both a dorm and an apartment in the city. It’s a stupid way to waste money,” Kurt explained.

“I know, I just miss you so much and after everything’s that’s happened, whenever we’re not together there’s a part of me that worries I’ll never see you again. Like someone will whisk you away and make you disappear. I don’t think you’ll leave me, but I’m afraid someone will take you from me,” Sam replied.

Kurt turned in Sam’s arms so they were facing each other. “I’m not going to let that happen. The only people in my life are people who truly care about me, and if they ever want me to leave you, I’ll cut them out. You’ve been one of the most important people in my life for a really long time, and if someone else can’t understand that then I don’t need them.”

Kurt leaned in and kissed Sam, who kissed him back with more desperation than usual. When they pulled back, Sam squeezed him tight.

“I guess I’m just really nervous about what Anderson might do. I know we’re planning on sticking together the whole time or never be alone, but he has this way of separating us and I don’t know how to handle the fear that he might do something to you. I also don’t know what I might do if he tries to act like nothing’s wrong, which I have a feeling he’s definitely going to do.”

“Why do you think that?” Kurt asked. “The second thing, not the first thing. I’m afraid of the first thing too, but I plan on being attached at either your hip or with Mercedes at all times, so I think things’ll be okay as far as that goes.”

Sam smiled softly. “I’ve been keeping in touch with Artie, which I wasn’t expecting but I’m not mad about. Apparently, Tina and Anderson have gotten really close and Anderson has spent a good portion of this week loudly talking about how he’s going to win you back. Artie mentioned it because the way Anderson was talking about you seemed really off to him and he didn’t like it.”

“I hope this means he has our backs,” Kurt said.

“He said he does. I’d rather not drag him into this though,” Sam replied.

“I agree with that, it’s just nice to know that not everyone buys into the Klaine soulmate crap,” Kurt agreed.

“Forget Klaine. We’ve got Kam now, which I think is superior based on principle,” Sam said with a shit eating grin.

“Kam? Jesus Christ, Sammy,” Kurt replied with a laugh.

“You love it,” Sam stated.

“More like I love you,” Kurt said, placing kisses along Sam’s neck up to his jawline.

“I love you too, K,” Sam replied, catching Kurt’s lips in a chaste kiss.

They broke apart. “Unfortunately, if we don’t leave now, we’ll miss the ceremony,” Kurt said.

Sam pouted. “You never let me have any fun.”

“I’d happily just skip this wedding, but we’ve already agreed that wasn’t an option,” Kurt replied, kissing the pout off Sam’s face.

Sam smiled and released Kurt so they could actually leave within the next five minutes.

~*~*~

No one really bothered them at the ceremony, but the reception was an entirely different story. Kurt and Sam tried to stick to the bar because it was the place that was the farthest from the stage and the dance floor, but everyone found their way over to them and interrogated them about why they were at the wedding together.

After talking to Santana, Quinn, Puck, Mike, and Joe, Sam decided that he and Kurt needed to announce their relationship in the form of song, mostly because that was the best way to convey a message to the New Directions alums. Kurt was skeptical, but listened when Sam started throwing out song suggestions.

“Oh my gosh, you know what song would really fuck with them?” Sam asked.

Kurt raised an eyebrow.

“’Lucky’,” Sam said.

Kurt cackled. “I can see the reactions now. We should do it, I wanna see Santana’s face when she figures out you aren’t straight.”

Sam grinned and went to put himself and Kurt on the signup sheet to sing. Since the reception was about halfway over, most of the people who desperately wanted to sing had already gone, so they only had to wait for a few songs before it was their turn. Sam jogged onto the stage with Kurt walking calmly behind him. They grinned at each other.

“Hey guys! So, many of you have been wondering why Kurt and I are here together, most of you don’t care. Either way, we thought we’d give you the short version of the story in song form,” Sam said.

“This is a slower song, so we wanna see those slow dancing couples out on the floor,” Kurt added.

Sam picked up a guitar from the band and began to play the first few chords of the song. At first, the people who were in glee club that year were confused, but once Sam started singing, they all recognized the song as the song Sam sang with Quinn during the duet competition. They remembered the song was about being in love with your best friend, and Sam and Kurt were singing it together. Mercedes was probably the only one who was excited while everyone else was totally shocked. Out of all the things that they were expecting to happen today, Kurt and Sam announcing that they were dating was almost as surprising as Mr. Schue being left at the altar. The surprise was nothing compared to the outrage of one Blaine Anderson, and he was already planning on getting Kurt alone the first chance he got.

When they finished, they both bowed to the audience and scampered off the stage. Mercedes was waiting to give them hugs.

“Finally, I’ve been waiting for this for a year! When did you get together?” she asked.

“About two weeks ago. We weren’t going to say anything because it hasn’t been very long, but everyone kept questioning us so we figured it was appropriate to make a short statement,” Kurt explained. Sam nodded and pulled Kurt into a side hug.

“Well, I’m happy for you two. I hope you have staying power and that we’ll be at your wedding in the next few years,” Mercedes said.

“We’ll see about that. It’s only been two weeks, I don’t wanna jinx anything,” Sam replied. 

Kurt grinned. “I think we do. We’ve been in a QPR for a year and a half, what we’re doing now isn’t that different because we’re just adding physical stuff.”

“What’s a QPR?” Mercedes asked.

“QPR is short for queer-platonic relationship. I found it when I was researching sexuality and trying to understand myself a bit more. Essentially, it’s the step between friends and romantic partners and can reflect sexual or emotional commitment. It’s a common relationship for people on the aro/ace spectrum because of the lack of ability to reciprocate romantic or sexual attraction respectively. Sammy and I have been emotionally committed to each other in a serious way since the summer between junior and senior year, especially when we took to being openly physically affectionate and talking about how much we cared for each other. I also think our relationship just started to feel different around that time and I at least knew that no matter who I was with, they would have to contend with the fact that Sammy and I were closer than brothers, that any romantic partner would come second to Sammy for months, if not years,” Kurt explained.

Sam nodded. “He mentioned it when I told him how I felt about him, and it just makes so much sense. I felt the exact same way about K, and then I realized I was in love with him, but I knew I would be okay with never dating as long as we were still as close as we always were.”

“That’s super interesting, Kurt. I didn’t know you could feel as emotionally close to someone as a romantic partner and not be dating them in the way society normally defines dating. I thought people could only be fuck buddies and that fuck buddies never worked out because one person would inevitably fall in love with the other person,” Mercedes replied.

“Tis not the case. You can totally be fuck buddies with someone or basically romantically attached to someone emotionally and not be dating. It’s great to have more than one option and more than one way to describe a relationship with someone else,” Kurt said.

Santana cleared her throat just then. “As great as all this newfangled queer talk is, that’s not what’s most important here. Porcelain and Trouty Mouth are dating. Is this new?”

“Yes. About two weeks now, but we’ve been emotionally dating for about a year and half now, so the only thing that’s really new is I can kiss him whenever I want now,” Sam explained, finishing it off with a loud smack to Kurt’s cheek.

Kurt laughed, Santana rolled her eyes. “How domestic. As long as you two are happy, I guess I don’t have anything else to say.”

“You really have nothing to say about how I’m not straight? No one knew that, Santana,” Sam said.

“Oh please, we dated. You really think I didn’t know? I could tell by the way you kissed me that you’d kissed guys before and liked it. Straight boys don’t kiss the way bi boys do,” Santana explained. She gave Sam a wink and then walked back to where Quinn was sitting at the bar.

Sam, Mercedes, and Kurt stared at her in disbelief. “I really thought I was subtle.”

“Well, it sounds like she wouldn’t have known if you hadn’t kissed her,” Mercedes offered.

“This is Santana, ‘Cedes, she would’ve figured it out somehow. That was just her first piece of evidence,” Kurt said.

“Point taken,” Mercedes replied. “Well, I think I’m gonna bounce. I have better things to do than hang out a reception where we aren’t even celebrating a marriage that just happened.”

“That sounds like a fantastic idea. We could go to Denny’s as a group if you both wanted, get some subpar milkshakes and hash browns,” Kurt suggested.

“Subpar milkshakes and hash browns sound way better than this really sad party. I’m down,” Mercedes replied.

“Same,” Sam agreed. “Although if I’m being totally honest, I’m glad to go wherever K wants to go.”

“I figured I’d ask anyway. Maybe you don’t want a milkshake right now,” Kurt stated.

“There’s other things to drink other than milkshakes at Denny’s. For example, I could have a birthday cake milkshake,” Sam said.

Kurt and Mercedes laughed. “Point taken, although I have no idea why you’d want a birthday cake milkshake. Those things taste like processed sugar, there’s no flavor,” Kurt replied.

“Sugar with a hint of vanilla and egg, what could be better than that?” Sam asked.

Kurt grimaced. “That sounds so gross when you explain it like that. I’m never eating anything birthday cake flavored ever again.”

“What about birthday cake? Birthday cake is always birthday cake flavored,” Sam pointed out.

“You know for a fact that birthday cake can be any flavor of cake and that birthday cake flavoring is a crime against humanity,” Kurt explained.

“I’m getting a birthday cake milkshake just to annoy you,” Sam said.

“I hate you,” Kurt replied.

Sam kissed him on the temple. “No you don’t, you love me.”

Kurt grinned. “I do.”

“Will you two stop being gross long enough to help decide who’s driving?” Mercedes asked.

“I will,” Kurt offered.

~*~*~

Sam, Kurt, and Mercedes were very happy with their decision to hang out instead of staying at the reception. They hadn’t seen each other since Thanksgiving and they had no idea when they’d all be in the same town again, so choosing to spend quality time together made much more sense than staying at the extremely sad reception. 

Right before they left, Kurt decided to use the bathroom super fast because they were about an hour away from home and Kurt didn’t want to wait to go for that long. He heard someone come in after him, but he didn’t think anything of it until the other person started speaking to him.

“Kurt! Fancy meeting you here,” Blaine said with a dazzling smile.

Kurt froze and slowly looked up at Blaine standing next to him. He quickly realized there was no one else in the bathroom and that he had to get out of there as quickly as possible. Kurt started washing his hands and made a beeline for the door, but Blaine managed to be faster and locked the door to the bathroom.

“Hey? Why are you trying to run from me? I’ve been wanting to talk to you all night, but there was never a good time to,” Blaine said.

Kurt backed up to the opposite side of the bathroom, covering his back with the wall so he was at least somewhat protected.

Blaine took that as an invitation to come closer. “I saw that little stunt you pulled with Sam. What made you think you could get away with singing ‘Lucky’ with him? It’s only a matter of time before you come back to me, why are you leading him on like that?”

“I’m not leading anyone on. Sam and I may have only started dating, but I have a feeling we aren’t going to break up any time soon,” Kurt explained.

Blaine laughed. He pressed his chest against Kurt and started caressing his side with one hand. “See, you think that, but you’re forgetting we’re soulmates, Kurt. We’re destined to be together until the end of time, and the sooner you accept that and come back to me, the happier you’ll be.”

Blaine became bolder and grabbed Kurt’s hips with both hands, pressing himself into Kurt. “I love you, Kurt. I love you so much that I’m going to be following you out to New York next year, I’ve already gotten my NYADA finalist letter. We can get a little apartment, you could transfer, and we could live the New York dream together. Everything would be perfect.”

Kurt was frozen. He wanted to push Blaine off of him, but for some reason he just couldn't will his body to move. Both of them were shocked when Blaine leaned in to kiss him and Kurt managed to shove Blaine back. 

Kurt was trembling, but he knew he had to stand up for himself. “No. I can’t stop you from going to NYADA, but I’m not transferring, I’m not moving in with you, and I’m not breaking up with Sam to be with you. You were awful to me and you betrayed me in a way I should’ve never been betrayed. If being with you is what it means to have a soulmate, then I don’t want a soulmate. I don’t want you.”

Blaine was about to say something when the lock to the bathroom was jimmied open. On the other side of the door stood a Denny’s employee and Sam, and once Sam realized who was in the bathroom, his rage started rolling off him in waves. The Denny’s employee looked terrified, but Sam made a point to thank him for his help before stepping into the bathroom.

The stare down that commenced between Sam and Blaine was intense and honestly a bit scary. Kurt didn’t know Sam could be so mad at someone, and even though Sam was being a bit scary, he started inching closer to him because he knew Sam didn’t want to hurt him.

“What are you doing, Anderson?” Sam asked, voice low and full of venom.

“Using the bathroom, Evans. What are you doing here?” Blaine retorted.

“Also using the bathroom. You can imagine how concerned I was when I found out the bathroom was locked and knowing that my boyfriend was probably inside. I needed to know he was okay, so I obviously went to get a member of the staff,” Sam explained.

Blaine nodded. He went to leave, but Sam caught his arm in a tight squeeze. “Leave Kurt alone. He’s not coming back to you, not if I have anything to say about it.”

Blaine looked back at Kurt for a moment before ripping his arm out of Sam’s grip. He walked out of the bathroom without another word and Sam clenched his hand into a fist. Kurt’s bottom lip started to tremble as he processed what just happened and watched as Sam’s anger wasn’t fading. He sniffled and Sam immediately softened. He pulled Kurt into a hug and started rocking him side to side.

“I’m so sorry, K. I didn’t know he was here or I wouldn’t have let you out of my sight. I thought you were safe, I’m so sorry I wasn’t here to protect you,” Sam said.

Kurt choked on a sob. “I’m not mad at you, Sammy. We didn’t know he was here.”

Sam kissed the top of Kurt’s head. “I still feel awful. If I’d been there he wouldn’t have tried anything.”

“It’s not your fault,” Kurt reassured.

Sam nodded into Kurt’s hair. “Okay. Did he try anything?”

“He grabbed me and he kissed me. I thought he was going to go further, but I pushed him off and stood up for myself before he could. I’ve never been able to push him off me before,” Kurt explained.

“I’m so proud of you, K. You got him off you, that’s huge,” Sam said.

Kurt’s lips pulled into a faint smile. “I’m scared he’ll try again. He said he wants me back and that he’s following me to New York. It’s a big city, but it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out where NYU is.”

“Well, we’ll be living off campus with Toby, so as long as he doesn’t find out where you live and you aren’t by yourself, you should be okay. Does he know that you work at Vogue?” Sam asked.

“I don’t know, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he went to Rachel for information,” Kurt replied.

Sam hummed. “We can just tell Rachel to not say anything. I will also make sure you’re never alone once Blaine makes it out to the city. I will keep you safe, and if he tries anything again, we can look into getting a restraining order. It’ll be okay, K.”

“I hope so. I love you, Sammy,” Kurt said.

“I love you too, K,” Sam replied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm aware that Kam isn't the official blending of their first names, but Kum sounds gross to me to I refuse to comply with that one. I'm not sorry.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now, something fluffy. This is also the beginning of me showing how much I miss school and what I'm missing out on because of the pandemic...
> 
> I think I at least made it fit. I hope y'all like it!!

“Who’s excited about going apartment shopping?” Kurt asked, dancing around the room and swaying his hips in excitement.

Toby stared at him with raised eyebrows. “You, clearly. I personally want to put this off until after finals, especially since I’m not moving in until August.”

“Yes, but Sammy and I need some place to live over the summer, and if you’re planning on moving in in August and paying rent, you need to help us pick and sign the lease. Otherwise, we’ll pick something that fits our rustic Ohio roots which will bother your New England sensibilities,” Kurt explained.

“I know, I know. I’ll also be four hours away which makes apartment shopping a difficult sell for a summer day trip activity,” Toby replied.

“That sounds like a you problem,” Kurt retorted.

“Be that as it may, I’m just giving you shit because I can. I’m actually really excited, this is our first big adult thing! Sure, moving to New York has been fun, but living in a dorm is different than renting our own place. This is big boy stuff, Kurt,” Toby said.

“Big boy stuff? Seriously? We’re nineteen, not nine,” Kurt replied with a laugh.

“I fail to see your point. We shall always be big boys because we are no longer little boys, that is how it works,” Toby explained.

“You’re a dork and you’re lucky I don’t just run for the hills to rent a one-bedroom place with Sammy. How I put up with you for the past seven months, I will never know,” Kurt said.

Toby let out an offended scoff. “Samuel, your boyfriend speaks blasphemy! I have been the best roommate he could ever ask for, I even put up with the incessant baking in our dorm’s kitchen! You won’t find just any roommate who will do that for you, Kurt, so you should appreciate what you have.”

Sam had been watching the conversation from Kurt’s bed, half asleep because he had gotten in really late the night before and was therefore running on about three hours of sleep. The only indication he gave that he processed what Toby said was a sleepy blink and a half smile. Kurt went over to stand in front of Sam.

“Are you sure you want to start looking at apartments today? We can push things back until tomorrow or this afternoon, most of the places we’re seeing are doing open showings so we can go whenever,” Kurt asked.

Sam leaned forward and plopped a kiss on Kurt’s forehead. “I’m good. Just need coffee. ‘Sides, open showings end at 2, need to leave soon if we’re gonna see everything.”

Kurt bit his lip and studied Sam’s face. Sam just gave him a dopey smile, which he guessed was good enough for Kurt because he nodded and went back to packing his bag for the day. Sam wasn’t sure what all Kurt was packing for a day of apartment hunting, but he hoped there were snacks in there. Knowing Kurt, there were definitely those yummy granola power bars he made sometimes in the bag, and Sam was excited for the point in the day where he could eat those yummy granola power bars. He stretched and finally got out of bed, grabbing some fresh clothes so he could get dressed and freshen up. By the time Sam got back from the bathroom, he looked significantly less likely to fall flat on his face after they looked at one apartment.

The trio headed out shortly after that, stopping at the dining hall for some food before heading to the neighborhood where a lot of NYU students rented apartments. They figured they should try their luck there first because the landlords were used to student budgets which meant they should be able to find something affordable. They saw five apartments that day, with only one of them being in their budget of $2100 a month.

It was on the small side with the entrance doubling as the living area and the dining area doubling as the kitchen island, but it had two bedrooms with doors that shut and there were closets in each room with enough room for a dresser. The bathroom was also a decent size, and the three guys figured this place would be a good fit. They looked at other places over the next two days, but no other place offered the same amount of living space at the price they were looking for. The lease was signed a day later three hours before Sam was scheduled to fly back to Kentucky.

Kurt practically skipped on the way back to campus. That was another perk of the place they decided to rent, they were only a five minute walk to NYU’s campus which meant that Toby and Kurt didn’t have to negotiate the morning rush hour subway traffic. Sam was holding hands with Kurt as they walked, which meant that he was basically skipping too.

Toby laughed at them. “You two could not look anymore gay right now. Literally something straight out of the _Wizard of Oz_.”

Kurt turned around and stuck his tongue out at him. “You wish you and Lia could be this fabulous and adorable.”

Toby shrugged. “What can I say, you two are the epitome of what it means to be a cute couple.”

“You flatter us,” Sam replied with a grin.

“Now it’s your turn to compliment me and Lia. This is how it works,” Toby claimed.

“You say that, but I don’t see your girlfriend anywhere, so there’s nothing to compliment,” Kurt said.

Toby scoffed. “I am offended. Mine and Lia’s love transcends our physical presence, she doesn’t need to be here for us to be just as adorable as you two.”

“Sure, whatever you say,” Sam said, giving Toby a conciliatory pat on the shoulder.

“In all seriousness, you and Lia and the most sane straight couple I think we’ve ever known, which automatically make you guys adorable,” Kurt explained.

Sam thought about it for a moment and nodded in agreement. “Definitely. You understand that there’s a time and place for everything and you don’t sing to each other every time you need to say something important to each other.”

“I’m a history and legal studies major and Lia is a dance major, what about that screams singer to you?” Toby asked with a laugh.

“Almost everyone we’ve ever known communicates in that way whether they should’ve or not. And they all somehow managed to do it with pop songs and showtunes. It was truly a miracle of nature,” Sam replied.

“From what Kurt’s told me, you both used to do the same thing,” Toby pointed out.

“Yeah, well, we’re nineteen now which means we’re big boys who use big boy conversations to communicate our big boy feelings,” Kurt said.

Toby cackled. “I’m so proud of you! You grew up so much already, and we haven’t even been at college for a year!”

Kurt rolled his eyes fondly. “Shut up, will you? I could totally start singing my half of all our conversations. I am majoring in musical theatre after all.”

“Please don’t. I mean, your voice is amazing, but I’m not sure I could handle listening to you sing that much, especially if Sam isn’t there as a buffer,” Toby begged.

Kurt laughed. “Like I said, I’m a big boy now that can use big boy words to have big boy conversations. I won’t start singing to you all the time.”

“Oh, good. I was legitimately worried for a second,” Toby replied.

“K knows better than to endlessly annoy the people he lives with, doncha, K?” Sam asked.

Kurt grinned and pecked Sam on the cheek. “Indeed I do, Sammy.”

“Come on. If we get there fast enough, we can get lunch with Lia before Sam has to leave,” Toby said as they approached NYU’s campus.

~*~*~

Kurt was so glad that he somehow convinced Rachel that getting lunch twice a week was better than him going to NYADA’s campus once a day. It wasn’t that he didn’t love Rachel, it had everything to do with the fact that NYADA was a 30 minute subway ride one way and Kurt had things to do during the day. Lunch twice a week fit into his schedule much more nicely.

Today, Kurt had managed to convince Rachel to come to NYU to get lunch at the café near his dorm on account of the fact that he had a midterm for one of his acting classes and didn’t get out of it until ten minutes before their standing lunch date. It was nice to have Rachel near where he was living for a change, maybe he’d be able to convince her that he really belonged there and not at NYADA.

They munched on their food a little bit before either of the said anything.

“This is cute. I didn’t realize NYU had such a nice campus or such good food,” Rachel said, looking down at her sandwich.

Kurt raised an eyebrow at her. “You’d know that if you’d come to visit me more often.”

“Well, you know NYU is so out of the way and I have a really tight schedule,” Rachel replied.

“You say that like my schedule isn’t any less packed,” Kurt retorted, taking an aggressive bite from his own sandwich.

“You’re right, I’m sorry. It’s hard to imagine what you actually do here when I spend so little time with you,” Rachel said.

“Is that another veiled request to for me to transfer? You should know by now that it’s not happening. I like the program, the professors, the campus, and I have friends here. There’s no reason for me to leave,” Kurt explained for what felt like the millionth time. He figured he had to be in at least triple digits at this point with how often they had this conversation.

“I know, I just keep thinking about it is all. I was thinking about something else though,” Rachel started.

Kurt motioned for her to continue.

“What if we moved into an apartment together? We could see each other more often without having to go out of our way to do it.”

Kurt sighed and shook his head. “You should’ve mentioned this in January or February. I literally just signed a lease on an apartment with Toby and Sammy yesterday and we’ve been talking about doing this since Sammy came to visit in October.”

“Seriously? That long?” Rachel asked.

Kurt nodded. “Toby and I already knew we wanted to live together next year, and then Sammy started talking about coming to New York and since he isn’t an NYU student, if we were going to live together we’d need to live off campus.”

“Oh. I wish I’d known,” Rachel replied.

“I didn’t bring it up because it didn’t seem relevant. I also thought you were going to stay in the NYADA dorms for at least another year because there wasn’t anyone you’d want to get an apartment with, other than me obviously,” Kurt explained.

“It was just a thought anyway. Maybe if Blaine gets into NYADA I could get a place with him,” Rachel said.

Kurt choked on his drink. “You’d seriously rather room with Blaine than stay in the dorms? You could get a single, Rachel.”

“Look, I know your breakup with Blaine was messy, but we’re still friends. He might not want the dorm life, and I honestly hate it enough to take what I can get to get out of it,” Rachel explained.

“If you get an apartment with Blaine, I can’t come over and you can’t come visit me. We could only see each other in public places that aren’t NYU or near where I live,” Kurt replied, his voice very solemn for reasons that Rachel didn’t understand.

“I get that he cheated on you, but doesn’t that seem a little bit extreme, Kurt? He can’t hurt you if you don’t let him,” Rachel said.

Kurt let out a humorless laugh. “You’d be surprised about what Blaine Anderson is capable of.”

Rachel just gave him a confused look. Kurt sighed and shifted in his seat.

“I’m not obligated to tell you anything. All I’m going to say is that cheating wasn’t the worst thing Blaine did to me, which is why I wouldn’t be comfortable hanging out with you while he’s around. I’m not saying don’t live with him, just know that I’ll become a significantly less constant presence in your life if you do. Just think about whose friendship you value more.”

Rachel nodded, but she still looked really confused. Cheating was an awful thing to do to someone, what on earth could Blaine have done to Kurt that he considered to be worse? Rachel didn’t know if she liked what Kurt was implying but decided to save that thought for later. She swirled her drink before taking a sip.

“I’ll find out about my _Funny Girl_ callback this week,” Rachel said.

Kurt gave her a warm smile. “That’s exciting! Do you think you’ll get it?”

“I hope so. The producers seemed to really like me, and I definitely look right for the part, so I think I have a decent shot,” Rachel explained.

“That’s great! Feel free to call me when you find out, we’ll have to do something to celebrate or mourn your loss. Hopefully, we’ll be celebrating,” Kurt replied.

“I hope so too. This is probably my biggest dream, Fanny Brice being my first Broadway credit would be the best thing to ever happen to me,” Rachel said.

Kurt nodded. They lapsed into silence for a few minutes.

“Why don’t you audition for any professional jobs? You’re certainly talented enough to at least break into the Off Broadway scene,” Rachel asked.

“I honestly don’t have the time. I’m not just taking major classes, I also have a whole bunch of requirements NYU has me do so I have a well-rounded liberal arts education. I’m also trying to get into the honors study abroad program for my junior year so I can study musical theatre and theatre in general in other countries. In order to go do those things, I have to spend most of my time focusing on my education and the rest of my time in devoted to working at Vogue. I really enjoy working there and I don’t want to give it up until I leave to go abroad, so I have to leave time for it,” Kurt explained.

“Why would you study abroad when you’re going to be performing on Broadway once you graduate? Wouldn’t it make more sense to stay here and start getting recognized by the producers here?” Rachel replied.

“I honestly don’t know if I’d want to stay in New York after graduation. I’ve been learning about theatre in other countries and there’s some really cool stuff happening in Europe. Also, I think the point of coming to school to study musical theatre is to study musical theatre, which I’ve come to find out means learning about the wider theatre community. The theatre world is so much bigger than I thought, I wanna explore it without being tied down to one location,” Kurt said.

“NYADA doesn’t do anything like that. Broadway is the be all, end all there,” Rachel explained.

Kurt nodded. “Makes sense. Every school gives something different, and I have to learn as much about the history of theatre and music as I do about the skills I’d need to land roles.”

Rachel laughed to herself a little. “It’s so weird. A year ago, we had really similar goals, and now we seem to be going in different but related directions. I don’t know how I feel about that.”

“I’m less surprised. There was a reason I applied to schools other than NYADA, and I think it’s reflected in the directions our lives are going. It’s okay though, we can still be good friends,” Kurt said with a smile.

“But not best friends,” Rachel replied.

Kurt sighed. “Rachel, I’m not sure if I’ve ever considered you to be one of my best friends. Are we good friends? Yes. But when I think of the people I consider to be best friends, I think of Sammy first, Mercedes second, and then Toby third. I’ve never been as close to you as I’ve been to the three of them, and I don’t mean it as anything against you. Our friendship is just different than what I have with them.”

“Especially Sam,” Rachel said quietly.

Kurt nodded. “Especially Sam.”

Rachel thought for a moment. “I think the reason I’ve been clinging onto you desperately this year is because I think of you as my best friend. You’re the person I’m closest to, and seeing you not need me as much as I need you is scary and I don’t like it. It’s not because I don’t want the best for you because I’m glad to see you happy, I just don’t want to lose you and if you don’t see me the same way I see you, that makes losing you something that’s likely to happen.”

“I’m not going to abandon you, Rachel. You’ll have to do something unforgivable before I cut you out of my life, and if that ever happens, I hope you’d be able to understand why. I’m not planning on doing that any time soon though, so you don’t have to worry about it,” Kurt said, reaching over and squeezing Rachel’s hand.

Rachel smiled. “That’s good to know. I should probably work on making friends in New York though. I’ll need someone to hang out with while you’re travelling the world in two years.”

Kurt smiled back. “Sounds like a good project to start working on once you find out about _Funny Girl_.”

Rachel groaned. “I just managed to forget about that for a few minutes, why did you have to bring my anxiety back?”

“Because it’s my job to make sure you’re always on your toes. You need to be prepared for anything, Rachel,” Kurt replied with a laugh.

Rachel giggled. “You have a weird way of doing that.”

“How can I keep you prepared for anything if I don’t use weird methods?” Kurt asked.

Rachel was full on laughing now. “Good point. 


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hola broskys. It's time for another chapter.
> 
> TW: Kurt and Sam have a non-graphic, frank conversation of what happened to him with Blaine and how it's affecting him at this point in the story. They're more specific than they have been, but there's no word-for-word account of an encounter Kurt had with Blaine.

Sam came back to New York during the beginning of Kurt’s finals to help Kurt move out of his dorm and to start setting their new apartment up. Even though Toby wasn’t moving in until August, he was also helping out until he had to go home. They were currently unpacking the kitchen because they were hungry and wanted to eat lunch. Things came to a halt when Kurt let out a dramatic gasp.

“Toby! When you said you were taking care of the dishes, this isn’t what I meant!” Kurt explained.

Toby feigned innocence. “Whatever do you mean, Kurtie?”

“Don’t call me that and these are all dishes from the dining hall! You’re not supposed to steal this shit! How did you even get half of this stuff out of there?” Kurt asked, totally bewildered.

“Now, Kurt, I think you’ll agree with me when I say that we both pay too much money in tuition to not steal an odd dish here and there. I was just collecting our dues,” Toby explained.

“There are six place settings with ten mugs and ten glasses, that’s way more than our dues, Toby!’ Kurt replied, clearly very distraught.

Sam was giggling when he pulled Kurt into a hug. Kurt pushed him off when he realized Sam was laughing at him. 

“You were supposed to buy dishes,” Kurt grumbled.

“I did technically pay for a meal plan which means I bought access to those dishes,” Toby said.

“Can we at least return some of the mugs and glasses? I can justify having this many place settings, but not this many mugs and cups,” Kurt replied.

Toby smiled and patted Kurt on the back. “Sure, buddy. Whatever will make you feel better.

“What would’ve made me feel better is if you’d gone to the store to legally buy dishes like I asked you to,” Kurt grumbled in response. 

Sam pulled him into another hug, this one more readily accepted because Sam wasn’t laughing at him this time.

Sam plopped a kiss on top of Kurt’s head. “It’s okay, K. If Toby is to be believed, college students steal stuff like this from their dining halls all the time.”

“Doesn’t mean I have to like it,” Kurt replied, burying his head into Sam’s neck.

Sam just smiled and squeezed Kurt tight. Toby raised his eyebrows at the two of them.

“I get that you have a ‘being attached at all times’ policy for when Sam’s here, but I really would like to finish unpacking the kitchen so we can make lunch,” Toby said.

“You’re just jealous Lia isn’t here for you to glom on to,” Kurt retorted, turning back to finish putting the dishes away.

Toby grinned. “What can I say, my girlfriend is cute and squishable.”

“So is K,” Sam added, coming up behind Kurt and giving him a squish.

Kurt scoffed. “I am not squishable!"

“You say that, but I squish you anyway,” Sam explained, squishing Kurt again to make his point.

Kurt blushed, and it only intensified when Toby waggled his eyebrows at them.

“Oh, shut up or I’ll be teasing the two of you the next time you’re lovey dovey. I will have no mercy,” Kurt stated.

Toby laughed and pulled out his phone. “Lia’s here with food. I’m gonna let her in.”

Kurt frowned. “I thought she wasn’t going to be here for another hour because of one of her finals.”

“Ended early, apparently,” Toby explained before disappearing to get his girlfriend.

He was back shortly with Dalia and a huge sack of food. Kurt’s eyebrows shot up to his hairline looking at the amount of food she brought over.

“Lia, why did you bring so much food? That looks like enough to feed at least twenty people and I have no idea what’s actually in there,” Kurt said.

“I figured I’d bring enough so that it counted as a housewarming gift and so you and Sam wouldn’t have to leave the apartment for a few days,” Dalia explained.

“Explain please,” Kurt replied.

Dalia smirked. “I figured since Toby wasn’t going to be living with you for a while, you and Sam would take the opportunity to christen the apartment so it would be all ready for when we come back in the fall.”

Everyone gawked at Dalia for a moment before bursting out laughing. Well, Kurt didn’t laugh, he just turned bright red.

“Why on earth did you think we’d wanna do that?” Sam asked.

“You’ve been dating since January and you haven’t had a good chance to get it on because you were long distance. The pining has to become sexual at some point,” Dalia explained.

Kurt shook his head. “I have no idea what we’re going to do or not do, but we're sure as hell not going to tell you. Thanks for the food anyway, it looks like you hit up the delicatessen with the really good macaroni salad.”

“I did! Like I said, it’s a housewarming gift and nothing says housewarming gift like really good macaroni salad,” Dalia replied.

“The fridge will be stocked. We won’t have to go grocery shopping for a week,” Sam said as he started putting the extra food away.

“Will you do something like this again when I really move in?” Toby asked, giving Dalia puppy dog eyes.

“Maybe. Kurt and Sam will have groceries by then, so they won’t need a friend to stock their fridge for them,” Dalia replied, bopping him on the nose.

Toby pouted. “I want a week’s worth of good macaroni salad too.”

“We can still get some even if Lia doesn’t get us more food than we could ever reasonably eat,” Kurt said, passing Toby a plate.

Toby grinned and went to go sit down. Everyone else shortly followed and started munching on lunch. They finished quickly so they could go back to unpacking the apartment. Once they were done, Toby and Dalia headed back to campus for the night.

~*~*~

Kurt was washing the dishes from dinner when Sam came up behind him and gave him a hug. Kurt relaxed back into Sam’s chest before turning around to face him. Sam grinned and gave him a kiss.

“I wanted to talk to you about something you said earlier. It’s nothing bad, I just wanted to check in with you,” Sam said.

Kurt nodded. “Let me just put these away and we can go sit down.”

A few minutes later they were cuddled up on the couch and staring out the window that gave them a view of the street. Looking at a street wasn’t the best thing ever, but it was better than the side of a building or another person’s apartment. Sam turned his head to give Kurt a kiss before speaking.

“Lia mentioned christening the house earlier and you got really flustered. I’m not pushing you to do anything with me, but I wanted to make sure you were okay and to see what you thought about that kind of thing.”

Kurt hummed. “It’s weird that we haven’t had to have this conversation yet. We’ve been dating for five months, but I’ve only seen you in person four times since we’ve gotten together.”

Sam nodded. Kurt sighed.

“I’m worried about sex stuff because I don’t know what I’m going to be able to handle. Blaine made me do everything you could think to do to with someone, except I never topped. I was really uncomfortable with about half of what we did, and he thought that my consenting to something once meant I was okay to do it whenever he wanted. He had a significantly higher sex drive than I did, and I had a really hard time coping with it.”

They lapsed into silence for a few minutes before Kurt spoke up again.

“I’m not scared of it happening with you because you’ve always been so good about that respecting me. I don’t want Blaine to be a defining part of our relationship. He’s in our past now, I want nothing to do with him. That being said, what he did to me still affects me. I have nightmares about it which I have no idea what to do about. I’ve been trying to sort out everything's that's happened to me with a counselor from school, but no one in that department is trained to really help me. She thinks I might be suffering from PTSD, but I looked at the diagnostic criteria and I only really struggle with nightmares. It might get worse if Blaine actually moves to New York, but I don’t know. I’m scared of it getting worse. I’m scared that I might really affect you because I read that just watching someone be traumatized can trigger PTSD, and you were my rock through that whole thing. I’ve been putting off dealing with all this because you were in Kentucky and I could shield you from it, but I have nightmares almost every night. I can’t hide from you now that you’re here.”

Sam squeezed Kurt close to him and started rubbing his arm in a comforting manner.

“That makes a lot of sense. I don’t want Anderson to be a big part of our relationship either, but ignoring what he did to you isn’t going to help either of us. I want to help you in any way I can. I won’t leave you if things get ugly or if I end up traumatized by being with you. I’m here for you, and I know you’d be there for me if the roles were reversed,” Sam said.

Kurt let out a shaky breath. “I appreciate you so much. I would understand if you didn’t want to stay though.”

Sam sat them up so he could look Kurt in the eye. “K, if I was going to abandon you because things were getting hard, we would’ve stopped being friends when I moved to Kentucky. Actually, I would have never accepted the offer to keep in touch with you while you were at Dalton because that was basically a long distance friendship. I’m not going anywhere unless you ask me to leave.”

“Okay,” Kurt replied quietly, pulling Sam into a hug.

Sam could feel Kurt sobbing a little into his neck, so he started to rock them. 

“Everyone has baggage. Everyone has shitty experiences. Some people’s shitty experiences are tame while others have life ruining shitty experiences. I feel like I can safely say that between the two of us, we’ve seen some of the worst stuff life has to offer, and we’re not even twenty yet. Since I feel like we’ve already seen some awful stuff, the aftermath of that isn’t going to make us abandon each other. You said I was your rock, but you have also been my rock, even when you couldn’t be there for me. I knew in my heart that you were going to come back to me somehow, and we’d be able to fix whatever damage was done when we were apart,” Sam said.

Kurt was clinging onto Sam for dear life. He couldn’t believe after how rotten his luck was with friendship and love he got to be with someone as amazing as Sam. He had no idea what he did to deserve Sam, but he was so happy to have him at this point in his life. Kurt figured that if he and Sam could be there for each other through everything that happened so far, there was a good chance their relationship could survive the storm that was ahead, even though their relationship changed slightly in nature and they were living together as adults.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before you tell me you can't struggle with certain aspects of a mental health condition and not meet enough of the diagnostic criteria to actually be diagnosed, I'd like to introduce you to myself, who fits some diagnostic criteria for anorexia but not enough to actually be diagnosed with it but still really struggle. The human mind is complex and does weird things to protect itself and cope with life, so not every condition will manifest as a textbook case every time it shows up in someone. 
> 
> That being said, I'm not going to claim to be an expert on PTSD, so if I'm botching it, let me know. I'm working from what I know, which has been gathered from what I've learned about PTSD in school (I'm a psychology major), from my job training (I work with a population that is disproportionately subjected to traumatizing experiences), and from personal anecdotes I've come across on the internet that includes a diverse range of trauma responses. This shit is important, and even though this is a weird little fanfic that exists on a very specific corner of the internet, I find it important for things to be represented accurately and in a diverse manner to show the nuances of an issue every time it is referenced or portrayed. I'll do my best to not slip up, but let me know if I do and I'll change things. Thanks for reading!!


	29. Chapter 29

Kurt came in from work to find Sam set up with an easel and canvas in the living room. He walked around to stand behind Sam to see what he was painting. It was a landscape from a place that Kurt didn’t recognize.

“Is that a real place?” Kurt asked.

Sam shook his head. “I’ve been painting a lot since I graduated, and I figured out I really liked landscapes but missed the creativity that was involved with sketching original characters. I decided to combine those two things and create original landscapes.”

“It’s gorgeous and I’m really sad it’s not real. You’re not even halfway done and I already want to jump into that world and explore it with you. I want to know what kind of people or creatures live in that world and how their society works,” Kurt said, wrapping his arms around Sam and kissing the top of his head.

Sam smiled and leaned back to kiss Kurt properly. “That's probably the nicest thing anyone has said about any of my work, although not many people have seen it.”

“I always wondered why you didn’t talk about it more. Everything I’ve ever seen you do has been really good, I don’t understand why you don’t show it off more,” Kurt stated.

“When I got really serious about drawing and painting, I used it as a way to explore my sexuality. I was in middle school at the time and I didn’t want people to know I was drawing boys in a way that was romantic for a thirteen-year-old. I hid it to protect myself, and even as I’ve moved on to more neutral stuff like this, I was so in the habit of hiding my art that it didn’t occur to me to show it off,” Sam explained.

Kurt nodded. “That makes sense. You wouldn’t want everyone to know you were an artsy queer kid, especially in Tennessee.”

“Yeah. Being open about being bi has been the hardest thing to get used to. It helps we’re doing it here instead of Lima, but I’ve never been so open with anyone before. It’s weird,” Sam said.

“As long as it’s a good weird, I think I’ll be able to get you through it,” Kurt replied.

“It’s a good weird and I think you’re right. You’re worth being open about my sexuality and my baby gay art,” Sam stated.

Kurt laughed. “Baby gay art? When you describe it like that, it makes me really want to see it.”

“I know I brought one of my sketchbooks from that time with me, I just forget which one it was,” Sam replied, going to look through his drawer of important papers.

“There are multiple sketchbooks?” Kurt asked.

“Yeah, my baby gay stuff and the stuff I did for the GT art program at school,” Sam explained.

“GT art? Given how you’ve kept with it, you should be in art school,” Kurt stated, coming to stand next to Sam.

“Art school involved good test scores and graduating on time. Everything was too much around the time I would’ve applied for school and I have no idea how to put together a portfolio,” Sam replied, pulling out a black sketchbook that had a lock on it.

Kurt nodded. “Art school is still there if you want to apply. I have a feeling you’d do really well.”

“Maybe, but I don’t know. I think I like just making stuff. I don’t want much more training than what I have, and I feel comfortable enough with experimenting that I can still learn new things and keep my style fresh,” Sam said. He managed to jimmy the lock off the sketchbook and laughed when he flipped it open. “Yup, this is the baby gay sketchbook.”

Sam held out the sketchbook to show to Kurt. Initially, there were some drawings of girls, but the girls started to become more androgynous until they were clearly drawings of boys. Sam was apparently fascinated with feminine boys, because that was what most of the sketchbook consisted of. He had also drawn a few couples, but it was mostly just drawings of boys.

“How old were you when you had this sketchbook?” Kurt asked.

“I started it when I was twelve but didn’t really start using it seriously until I turned thirteen. The last drawings are from my freshman year of high school, but by then I did most of my stuff in a different sketchbook,” Sam explained.

Kurt nodded. “These are incredible. If I didn’t know any better, I would’ve thought the artist was at least our age now.”

Sam blushed. “Thanks. I always thought these were childish, but I can see why you think that.”

“They have a sense of childlike wonder, not childish technique. You really liked to draw androgynous people,” Kurt observed.

“I had a massive crush on a boy that was clearly gay and very feminine. He wore a whole bunch of girl’s clothes and I thought he was the prettiest thing I’d ever seen in my whole life. I also low key wanted to be him, but that wasn’t allowed,” Sam explained.

“Really? I never pegged you for the type to dabble with unconventional gender expression,” Kurt replied.

Sam shrugged. “This is probably the first time in my life where I wouldn’t get into some kind of shit for it. When I was in middle school, my parents would have thrown a fit if I’d told them I wanted to wear girly things, and by the time they would’ve let me do that kind of thing, we were living in Lima and I probably would’ve been killed if I wore things like that.”

Kurt nodded. “You definitely would’ve. I think the only reason I got away with it was because I kept everything masculine leaning and never wore anything too obviously feminine. If I’d ever shown up to school in a dress I would be dead right now.”

Kurt kept flipping through the sketchbook until he got to a page that was different from the others. It had a reference picture attached to it with a boy with dark hair, hazel eyes, and olive skin. He had a bright smile on his face and a pink flower crown on his head. Sam had perfectly reproduced the picture on the page below.

“This is Bryan, isn’t it?” Kurt asked.

Sam nodded. “It was the only picture I ever drew of him. I was going to paint a portrait of that picture when he died, but I couldn’t make myself do it. I missed him too much and I was too scared to make something that big that showed him the way I saw him. Part of me wishes I did it, but I’m glad I didn’t. This feels like a better way to remember him.”

“More private. Something that’s just for you and not to show off,” Kurt added.

“Yeah. If I were to actually do it now, I think I’d give it to his parents, although that might be a bit weird because it’s been four years,” Sam said.

“They might like it though,” Kurt replied, kissing Sam on the cheek.

“Maybe. I don’t know, if I’m going to do a portrait of someone I know, it would be you or Stevie or Stacey. Creating something with Bryan in it would just keep me trapped in the past, and I don’t want to be in the past when my present is so great,” Sam explained.

Kurt grinned. “You flatter me, Sammy.”

“It’s the truth. There’s no place I would rather be, even if the city can be a bit overwhelming sometimes,” Sam said.

Kurt hugged him. “I’m so glad you’re here with me. My first school year in the city was nice, but I think this year will be even better with you here.”

“Everything’s better when we’re together,” Sam replied.

“Very true. Speaking of doing things together, I usually get lunch with Rachel on Tuesdays. You up for coming with me next week?” Kurt asked.

“Sure,” Sam said, pulling out of the hug to go clean up his paints and brushes since he knew he wasn’t going back to the painting he was working on.

~*~*~

A few days later, Kurt and Sam were watching Disney movies because they were tired and wanted something they didn’t really have to pay attention to on the TV. Kurt nuzzled his nose into Sam’s shoulder before giving it a kiss. Sam smiled at him, his eyebrows quirking up in a question.

“Is there a reason you were trying to get my attention?”

“I was thinking about how you told me you used to want to wear girlier things. Is that still true now?” Kurt asked.

Sam became visibly nervous. “Would you love me any less if I said yes?”

“There is nothing that would make me love you any less, and even if there was something, you wanting to wear feminine clothing doesn’t come anywhere close to making the list,” Kurt replied, kissing Sam to emphasize his point. Sam smiled into the kiss before pulling back.

“Any particular reason why you’re asking?” Sam asked.

“Well, I was just thinking about it and if you want, I have a stash of some clothing I’ve collected from thrift stores over the years that I think you might want to look at,” Kurt explained.

“Is it a whole bunch of form fitting stuff? I know you like your clothes to fit you properly, and your definition of clothing fitting you properly is stuff that’s super form fitting,” Sam replied.

“Some of it’s form fitting, most of it’s loose though. I had an experimental phase one summer where I wore really flowing clothing and found I didn’t like it. I never got rid of the stuff because I stuffed it into a box at the back of my closet, and it’s here because I accidentally brought it with me to college.”

“Oh, okay. Let’s go look at it,” Sam said, moving to stand up.

Kurt stood up with him. “Any reason you don’t want form fitting stuff?”

“I feel like I’ve really masculinized my body through the weight training I’ve been doing for the past few years, so if I’m going to look the way I want to, I need to hide my body shape,” Sam explained.

“That makes sense. I’ve always thought achieving androgyny was about hiding what gendered a person’s body so it was harder to tell,” Kurt replied.

Kurt opened up the closet and started pulling a whole bunch of boxes out. He eventually pulled out one labelled “flowy feminine chic” and set it on the bed, stacking the rest of the boxes back into the closet. Kurt opened up the box and started laying out a variety of different floral shirts, baggy sweaters, and even a few pairs of pants and skirts. Sam was overcome with a sense of giddiness that he hadn’t felt since he would sneak clothing like this into the dressing room at the places his mom took him back to school shopping in middle school.

“This stuff has been in this box for about four years. It might not even fit you because I’ve grown so much over the years, but this is going to have to do for now since we can’t go shopping right this instant. Try on what you like, and if anything fits, we’ll throw it in the washer so you can wear it,” Kurt said, taking the box off the bed so all that was left was the clothes.

Sam reached for a light pink sweater first, pulling his current shirt off and pulling the sweater on. Even though Kurt had bought this for himself when he was about six inches shorter, the sweater was still oversized enough on Sam that he had sweater paws and the sleeves slipped off his shoulders a little. He immediately wondered if there were any pictures of Kurt in this sweater because he must have drowned in it. Sam smiled, pulling the sleeves over his hands and then twirling.

“I take it you like that one?” Kurt asked, smiling at how bright and happy Sam was in the sweater.

“It’s everything I ever wanted when I was younger and so much better than wearing baggy hoodies to achieve the same effect. I would’ve had a sweater that fit me like this in every color if my mom had let me,” Sam explained.

Kurt nodded. “You look adorable. Do you see anything else you like?”

Sam picked up the rest of the sweaters and tried them on to make sure they fit. Apparently, Kurt really liked drowning in sweaters the summer he bought these clothes because they all fit the same way the pink one did. Sam ended up leaving everything but the sweaters. He’d probably need to experiment a bit more, but he found that he wanted to feel soft and small more than he wanted to be more feminine or androgynous. The sweaters that Kurt had given him achieved that effect in a way that just felt right, and Sam wondered if he could do it with more traditionally masculine clothing. With the mental promise of more experimentation, he put everything in a basket to bring down to the laundry room in the apartment building, practically skipping as he walked down the hall.

“I don’t think I’ve seen you this excited or happy about anything ever. I like it, we should do more things that make you this happy,” Kurt commented when Sam came back.

“I don’t think I’ve been this excited about something either. I used to pick out a few things and try them on at the store, but I was never allowed to get anything, much less wear it out in public. I finally get to live out a fantasy I’ve had since I was in middle school, it’s an exciting thing,” Sam replied, giving Kurt a long kiss.

“We can go shopping when we both have a day off. I want to spoil you with things that make you this happy,” Kurt said.

Sam grinned. “You don’t have to do that, but I’m not going to stop you.”

“Trust me, now that you’re here and we’re dating, spoiling you is going to become a regular thing. I know I don’t have to buy your love, but if I can make you happier than you already are, I want to do that,” Kurt explained.

“I will do my best to make sure you never feel like you have to buy my love. I’ve loved you unconditionally for two years now, I don’t see that changing,” Sam replied.

“I love you unconditionally too,” Kurt said, bringing Sam into another long kiss.

Sam had to go put the laundry in the dryer, and once it was done, they decided to go to bed. Kurt was so glad he showed Sam that stash of clothes he had. He’d never seen Sam look so unapologetically happy before and Kurt figured if Sam could project light, he would’ve been glowing. There was also a sense of wonder and zest for life in Sam’s eyes that he’d never seen before, and Kurt really meant it when he told Sam he would provide him with anything that would make him that happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is this a bit OOC for Sam? Maybe. Was I unintentionally projecting headcanons for another character from another series onto Sam? Maybe. I don't have the answers, this story line just kind of inserted itself and now you all get to read it. So there you go, I hope you like a soft and cute Sam.


	30. Chapter 30

Sam came into the kitchen the next morning dressed in the pink sweater from last night, some medium blue shorter shorts, and black converse. He was grinning, and Kurt couldn’t help but kiss the smile off his face when Sam got close enough.

“You look adorable,” Kurt said when he pulled back.

Sam blushed. “Thanks, K. You don’t look too bad yourself.”

Kurt laughed. “I slay the fashion game every day and we both know it.”

“True,” Sam replied as he hugged Kurt from behind.

Sam got really quiet as he watched Kurt cook. He pulled back when breakfast was ready to go on the table and then didn’t say anything for a while.

Kurt frowned. “What’s up? You went from really excited to really quiet.”

“I just remembered we’re having lunch with Rachel today,” Sam whispered.

“Yeah. Do you still want to go? I’m not going to force you to do anything you don’t want to do,” Kurt replied, his concern increasing.

“Yeah, just, I’ll have to change before we leave,” Sam explained.

“Why would you have to change? You look great,” Kurt said.

Sam started playing with his sleeves. “You’re not embarrassed to go out with me dressed like this?”

Kurt immediately got up and scooped Sam into a hug. He could feel tears start to soak into his shirt and squeezed Sam tight. 

“Sammy, I am never going to be embarrassed or ashamed of you. I gave you these clothes so you could wear them whenever you want, whether that’s here or in Times Square. What you wear isn’t my business, all that matters to me is that you’re comfortable and you aren’t breaking any laws with your clothing.”

Sam sniffled. “Okay. I’ve just never done anything like this before. I’ve always had to hide this part of myself because no one would like it or accept it. I guess I’m just waiting for you to stop humoring me and tell me to go change.”

“That’s not going to happen. I signed up to love you, which means I want to love all of you. If loving all of you means loving this feminine, softer side of you, then so be it. You’re adorable and sexy, wanting to feel soft and cute isn’t going to change how I view you,” Kurt replied.

Sam kissed him. “Thank you. This is just scary, you know? No one ever thought this was a thing I could want, but I’ve wanted this for so long that it’s insane. I always thought I’d have to hide this part of me from a partner because of how unlike me it seems, but I don’t think I’ve felt more comfortable in any outfit in my whole life.”

“I understand that. My dad told me once that I went from being a normal little kid to who I am now and how to him, it seemed like a switch flipped and he had no idea who his son was anymore. He never thought that who I am is who I’ve always been, so it surprised him when I decided to be flamboyant at the age of eight. I know that’s not exactly what you’re experiencing, I’m just trying to tell you I understand in some way and that you have nothing to be ashamed of,” Kurt explained.

“I appreciate it and you. I’m glad your dad didn't stop you from being yourself though, I'm not sure my parents would've been that way when I was younger,” Sam replied.

“Well, you're an adult now and your parents have become better with this kind of thing. Even if they stop being accepting of you for whatever reason, I will always be there for you. We're ride or die, Sammy,” Kurt said.

Sam grinned. He hoped that his smile conveyed how much happiness and love he had for Kurt, and he thinks based on the kiss he got out of it, he was pretty successful.

~*~*~

Kurt and Sam were about halfway to the restaurant they were meeting Rachel at when Kurt got a text from her.

From Rachel: Hey, would it be alright if I brought someone to join us today?

To Rachel: I’m bringing Sam so I don’t see why not  
Who is it?

From Rachel: Santana  
She just got into town today and decided to crash with me until she could get a place for herself

Kurt’s eyebrows shot up to his hairline. He nudged Sam and showed him the conversation. He could see the anxiety enter Sam’s face as he started to play with his sweater sleeves. It almost looked like Sam was going to rip the sweater off.

“Do you want me to tell her to not bring Santana? We could also just cancel and have a nice lunch together before you have to go into work,” Kurt suggested.

Sam took a few deep breaths to calm himself down. “No, she can bring Santana. Is there any way we could get her to agree to not make fun of me? I don’t think I could handle her insults right now.”

Kurt nodded. “I’ll text her separately.”

Kurt shot off a quick text to Rachel confirming that she could bring Santana before opening a new conversation.

To Santana: I heard you were coming with us to lunch today

From Santana: Yeah  
Have a problem with that Porcelain?

To Santana: No  
I just need you to promise me something

From Santana: Depends on what it is

To Santana: Don’t make fun of Sam when you see him  
He’s trying out something new today and he’s really nervous about it  
You insulting him would crush him

From Santana: No promises but I won’t do anything intentionally

“She says she won’t intentionally insult you.”

Sam sighed. “I guess that’s as good as we’re gonna get from her.”

Kurt nodded in agreement.

To Santana: That’s good enough for us

Ten minutes later, Kurt and Sam were walking into the bistro where they were meeting Rachel and Santana. They saw them at a four top toward the back of the restaurant and went to go sit down. Rachel and Santana didn’t notice them immediately, but when they fully registered what Sam was wearing, the look of shock was hard for them to mask. 

Sam’s leg started bouncing and he took Kurt’s hand into a death grip. “I know I look like a girl. Can we please not talk about it?’

“I’d love nothing more than to talk about it, but I can't decide if that goes too close to breaking the promise I made to Porcelain,” Santana said.

Rachel smiled softly at Sam. “You look good.”

Sam’s face lit up. “Thank you! Kurt pulled this sweater out of his closet last night and I just had to wear it today.”

Rachel nodded and turned back to her menu. They all sat together quietly until they ordered.

“I do have one question for you, Trouty Mouth. Are you sure you like girls?” Santana asked.

Sam shrugged. “I think they’re attractive but if I have any serious partners after K, they’d probably be guys.”

Santana nodded. “That makes so much more sense.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Kurt asked, immediately getting really defensive.

“Well, I already told you I could tell you were bi because you kissed me like you had kissed guys before, but you also knew our relationship was never going to be serious. Part of that was probably because you got gay vibes from me, but I saw it with Quinn too. You clearly thought she was cute, but you were never into her the way you’re into Hummel,” Santana explained.

“You’re right. I thought you, Quinn, and Mercedes were all hot, I just had to force things that I don’t have to force with K or that one boyfriend I had before I moved to Lima,” Sam replied. 

“As much as I want to pry, I have a feeling you’re not going to budge and I should save my interrogation energy for someone else,” Santana said.

Sam laughed. “Thanks, I appreciate it.”

Kurt rolled his eyes fondly. “You only appreciate it because she’s not about to interrogate you about why you had a bunch of oversized women’s sweaters in the back of your closet that you could just pull out to give to your boyfriend.”

“Hummel, you are a genius. How did you know that was where this conversation was going?” Santana replied.

“You can’t ask Sammy about why he’s suddenly into feminine clothing and he told you he got this from me. Given that you’ve never seen this on me before, you know I’ve had it for years. Ergo, you’re dying to know what possessed me to get something that’s too big on Sammy now when we both know I’ve grown six inches in the four years we acknowledged each other’s presence,” Kurt explained.

“Astute. NYU has been good for you,” Santana said. “Now answer my question.”

“I had a moment between freshman and sophomore year where I wanted to be flowy and pretty, so I picked some stuff up I found for cheap at thrift stores. I quickly figured out everything I got was too big for me and that I generally don’t like it when clothing doesn’t fit me properly, so I boxed it up and forgot about it. I didn’t even realize I’d brought it to school with me until we were moving into our new apartment a few weeks ago.”

“You have a new place? Are there visiting hours?” Santana asked. 

“For you and Rachel, of course there are. And if you continue to visit regularly come August, you’ll meet our other roommate, Toby,” Kurt replied.

“Is Toby your third boyfriend because that is an extremely gay name,” Santana said.

Kurt and Sam laughed. “No, Toby is very straight and happily dating a girl I set him up with on accident in September. He’s living with us because he was my roommate this year and we got along really well, and when I told him about Sammy moving out to the city the first thing he said was the three of us should get an apartment together.”

“Toby is still a gay name,” Santana stated.

“You should’ve told his parents to not name him Tobias then,” Sam retorted, giving her a ‘what can you do’ look.

Santana cackled. “Tobias is even gayer.”

“That’s what happens when you go for a refined, sophisticated name, you get gay. It’s just the way it is,” Kurt explained.

“Well, I’d love to meet this straight boy with a gay name. I’m sure he’s a hoot,” Santana said.

“That’s one way to describe him,” Sam mumbled.

Kurt scoffed. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You know exactly what it means. Toby is probably the biggest dork I’ve ever met, and I say this as someone who is also extremely dorky,” Sam explained.

“Now I really want to meet him. I didn’t know you could get dorkier than Sam Evans,” Santana said.

“Since when have you been a dork, Sam?” Rachel asked.

The other three looked at Rachel in disbelief. “You didn’t know that? I thought everyone in glee club had me figured out,” Sam said.

“Yeah, Berry, how did you miss that? I didn’t even have to talk to him and I was able to clock him,” Santana added.

“In my defense, I think this is the second time we’ve had a friendly conversation ever. You were always just kind of in the background for me, I never thought to actually talk to you at the time,” Rachel explained.

“Point taken. I guess I successfully kept my dorkiness hidden from anyone I didn’t directly talk to much. Am I allowed to be proud of that?” Sam asked, his question directed to Kurt.

“Are you sure you want to be proud of that? It’s another part of yourself you actively hid from everyone,” Kurt said, getting really sad all the sudden.

Sam’s eyes went wide with panic and Kurt backtracked. “I mean, sure! If you want to be proud of that, go right ahead!”

Santana looked back and forth between the two of them for a second. “Something happened, but I don’t know what it was. Was that about Evans not being out in high school? More specifically, was that about Evans being what he is right now which is so disgustingly cute that the only choice I have is to call him cute and mean it?”

“Yeah. I’m still freaked out about being out, especially wearing clothes like this. K only found out last night that I’ve wanted to dress like this since middle school, so being out in public like this is very new and very scary,” Sam explained.

“You mean you’ve been depriving us of this cuteness for years? I’m disappointed in you, Evans, our lives would’ve been so much better if you’d just let yourself be this cute the whole time,” Santana replied.

“You and I both know I would’ve been killed if I showed up to school like this,” Sam said.

Santana shook her head. “You’re too cute to kill. You would’ve gotten all the jocks to admit that they were closeted rage gays and to wait on you hand and foot. You would’ve had the whole school wrapped around your little finger.”

“I think you activated Santana’s inner lesbian mom friend. I didn’t know Santana had an inner lesbian mom friend,” Kurt stage whispered.

“Of course I have an inner lesbian mom friend, it’s just reserved for a very specific type of bi boy,” Santana explained.

Sam nodded. “Fair enough. I will accept you and your inner lesbian mom friend.”

“I’m still skeptical,” Kurt said.

“I can be your lesbian mom friend too, Hummel. Just say the word and I will protect your gay little heart from the cruel world,” Santana replied.

“There’s a lot of things I could say, but I’m going to forget about them in favor of eating our food that just got here,” Kurt said.

They all took a few minutes to enjoy their food before Rachel spoke up again.

“Kurt, I have something I need to tell you.”

Kurt nodded for her to continue.

“I’m sure you remember how we talked about how Blaine might be coming to NYADA in the fall and if he does, we might get an apartment together.” Kurt nodded. “Well, he is and we are. I remember what you told me, but Blaine and I have gotten really close this year and I think it would be great to take on New York together. My lease is going to end in August anyway, so I figured why not?”

Kurt stared at her unseeing for a second before shaking his head. “You realize I might not be able to continue to be friends with you if you live with Blaine. I know I said that I could still meet up with you in public, but I’ve come to realize I can’t have any contact with him at all. I can’t risk him knowing where I am specifically at any given time.”

“Oh. I really thought we could still meet in public and maybe you and Blaine could learn how to be friends again. I only thought of that because Blaine wants to try and be friends,” Rachel explained.

Sam put down his fork with a bit more force than necessary. “I know K can speak for himself but that simply isn’t an option.”

Kurt reached to hold Sam’s hand and give it a tight squeeze. He nodded in agreement at what Sam said. “Sammy’s right. I didn’t tell you what he did specifically, but I made sure you knew it was worse than cheating. I thought you’d be able to kind of fill in the blanks, but I guess not.”

“He raped you, didn’t he?” Santana asked suddenly. Given the way that Kurt’s breath hitched and Sam’s eyes darkened, she knew she was right. Rachel just look more confused.

“Blaine couldn’t hurt anyone like that, especially not someone he considers to be his soulmate.”

“Look, Rachel, I’m not going to tell you what to do, but please respect my needs. If you asked something like this of me, I would totally respect you and your boundaries, I’m only asking that you do the same for me. Blaine just can’t know where I am or have any contact with me, okay?” Kurt asked.

Rachel nodded, taking what Kurt said and what Santana asked into consideration. She would be asking Blaine about this later.

Sam cleared his throat. “What neighborhood were you thinking of looking in?”

“Oh, um, you probably know it actually. It’s about five minutes from NYU, which is a bit far away for us but it’s mostly students so the rent is decent. We figured that was our best bet for getting an affordable two-bedroom place,” Rachel said.

“Yeah, I know it. Some of the upperclassmen music theatre majors lived there this year and I went to their apartments a few times,” Kurt replied.

Sam squeezed his hand to comfort him, although Kurt figured Sam was freaking out just as badly as he was right now. 

“Are you considering any other student neighborhoods? Maybe near a different college or closer to NYADA?” Kurt asked.

Rachel shook her head. “Not really. Blaine said it was our best bet for a cheap two-bedroom place.”

“Maybe do some of your own research? You’d have a thirty minute commute if you lived out by NYU,” Kurt suggested. 

“I’ll look into it,” Rachel replied, sensing this was something Kurt really needed her to do.

Sam pulled out his phone to check the time. “This has been great, but if I don’t leave now, I’m going to be late for work. I’ll see y’all later.”

They all waved goodbye and Kurt gave Sam a kiss on the cheek. He turned back toward the girls and gave them a half smile. “I should probably head out too. I’m not going into the office today, but there’s some remote stuff Isabelle wants me to do.”

“Totally. Would I be in your way if I came back with you?” Santana asked. Kurt could tell that she wanted to talk about the question she asked earlier and he figured it was easier to just give into her sooner rather than later.

“Sure. Have a good rest of your day, Rachel,” Kurt replied, practically running out the door.


	31. Chapter 31

Santana caught up to him quickly. “Okay, I realize that I probably shouldn’t have asked you that in public, but it was the first thing I thought of when you said he did something worse to you than cheating. I didn’t ask you to make fun of you, I asked because I’m a nosy bitch who doesn’t always think before she talks. I understand if you don’t want to talk about it, but I’m worried about you and your safety.”

Kurt smiled softly at Santana. “I’ve never seen you be this caring before, Santana. Lesbian mom friend is a good look for you.”

“Yeah, yeah. Answer my question before I weasel it out of you in a way you won’t like,” Santana replied.

Kurt threw a glare at her. “The answer is yes, he did violate my body and trust in that way. That’s all I really feel comfortable saying.”

“I knew that hobbit was a little bastard. You know, he always gave me a weird vibe, and then he pulled that whole cheating accusation on you during Whitney week and the feeling only intensified. I could tell you’d been crying a lot and you looked terrified when he confronted you in front of the entire glee club. I should’ve said something, but I didn’t because I felt like you would’ve told me to mind my own business. I’m sorry I didn’t, you definitely didn’t deserve to be treated like that,” Santana said.

“Please don’t feel bad about it. I couldn’t accept help until I moved here and was able to gain enough independence to see I could successfully get away from him. I’m not afraid that I’ll go back to him, I love Sammy too much for that to happen. I’m afraid of things like him stalking me and attacking me. I can’t be constantly living in fear like that,” Kurt explained.

“And he wants to move into the neighborhood you’re living in right now which would make stalking you significantly easier,” Santana added. “I know you didn’t say that you lived in the neighborhood you and Rachel were talking about, but I could see how much you and Evans were panicking and you were clinging onto each other for dear life.”

Kurt nodded. “Once again, you guessed correctly. If he tries anything, I have a lawyer on speed dial to get a restraining order, but I don’t want to do that. He’s already a passive influence in my life, I don’t need him to be actively involved in my life again.”

“I think that’s totally reasonable. If Berry is still seriously considering moving in with the hobbit, I will personally make sure they are living as far away from you and Evans as possible. He might still find you, but it won’t be as easy as camping out by a window for a few days until you walk by and him proceeding to follow you. I’ll also try to get her to move in somewhere with me. I’m planning on being in the city for at least a year since I want to give the whole being a New Yorker thing a serious try, so she shouldn’t be skeptical about me signing off on a lease with her. Don’t worry, Porcelain, Auntie Tana will take care of you and Flower Child as best she can.”

“Flower Child? What happened to Trouty Mouth?” Kurt asked with a laugh.

“I changed it on account of Evans needing a nickname that suited his new aesthetic a bit more. I really did mean it when I said he was just about the cutest thing I’d ever seen. Sam Evans could negotiate world peace with that ass and those sweater paws,” Santana replied.

“He really could. I’m so glad he trusted me to know that about him, you should’ve seen him when he first started trying on the stuff I had. He was basically vibrating with contentment, I’ve never seen him that happy. I wish he could be that happy all the time, but unfortunately for us, life is shitty and he’s expected to wear a uniform to work,” Kurt said.

Santana nodded. “Where's he working?”

“He’s starting with a local coffee shop about three blocks from our apartment. I think he has other plans to do things he’ll enjoy more, but we haven’t talked about it yet. All he’s told me for sure is that he’s not going to art school,” Kurt explained.

“Art school? I didn’t know our Flower Child was an artist,” Santana said.

“He’s insane. When I got home the other day, he was painting this amazing original landscape. It was so intricate and surreal, I wanted to jump in there to explore it and he was only halfway done. He could leave it as is and easily sell it for thousands of dollars,” Kurt replied.

“Sounds like I’m going to have to convince him to show me some of his stuff,” Santana remarked.

Kurt nodded enthusiastically. “I’ll convince him for you. He needs to show off more. I feel like there are big things in his future like exhibitions and gallery pieces in major museums, and he’s not going to get there if he doesn’t start showing more people his art. If anyone was going to make it as a professional artist, it would be him.”

“Evans better live up to the hype you’re giving him. You’re either the best groupie ever or completely blinded by your love for him,” Santana replied.

“I vote for the first one. He needs a hype man, and I think I’m just the guy to do it. That sounds totally bigheaded, I’m sorry,” Kurt apologized.

“Don’t worry about it, we stan aggressively supporting our SOs. I’ve decided that you being aggressively supportive of Evans is the only thing that can rival his newfound aesthetic in terms of cuteness,” Santana said with a grin. Then she fake gagged. “Look at what you and your boyfriend are doing to me, Hummel. You’re making me soft, I thought this shit was reserved for Britt.”

Kurt laughed. “So did I, but I wasn’t going to say anything.”

Santana glared at him, but it only made Kurt laugh harder.

~*~*~

Sam entered the apartment as quietly as he could so he could jump on Kurt’s back to surprise him. It had the desired effect, Kurt screamed but caught Sam anyway. They both immediately burst into giggles and Kurt put Sam down so he could hug and kiss him properly.

“While that was lovely, please don’t make that a regular thing,” Kurt said.

Sam grinned mischievously. “No promises. I made you giggle, and I like hearing you giggle.”

“There are other ways to do that that don’t involve jumping me when I’m trying to do things,” Kurt retorted.

“Yes, but are they nearly as fun? I don’t know about that,” Sam replied.

“Giggles are involved, those only happen when we’re having fun,” Kurt pointed out.

Sam nodded, conceding to Kurt this time. Just then, his phone went off. Sam huffed and Kurt quirked his eyebrows up.

“I just got a text from Artie. He found out I’m going to be walking at graduation, so he wants me to come to the senior week thing glee club is doing,” Sam explained.

“Do you want to go?” Kurt asked, leaning against the counter with his arms crossed.

“I don’t know. The only reason to go would be to see Artie, but he’s moving out here in a few months. I already said goodbye to all of them, and Anderson is going to be there which makes me extremely uncomfortable and angry just thinking about it. I feel like I have more reasons to make that trip as short as possible,” Sam said.

Kurt nodded. “Maybe ask Artie what all is being planned. There might be something worth doing.”

Sam did that. His eyebrows shot up at the response. “He’s promised us a banging sleepover week at his house.”

“Us meaning you and Artie?” Kurt asked.

“No, he invited you too. He figured you’d be coming back with me,” Sam explained.

“I mean, he’s not wrong. I don’t know, it’s up to you. We’d be going back for you, I’d just be there as moral support,” Kurt stated.

Sam nodded. “Why not? I haven’t seen them since the wedding and it’ll be nice to have one last hoorah before we never get invited to go back again.”

“Okay. I’ll let Isabelle know I need the time off and book flights. How long do you think we’ll be gone? A week?” Kurt asked.

“That’s seems to be what everyone normally does. We could just leave on Monday and come back on Saturday, though,” Sam suggested.

Kurt vigorously shook his head. “No, no, no. I did something like that for Thanksgiving and it was awful. We are leaving on Sunday and coming back the next Sunday. Trust me, you’ll thank me when we’re standing in that choir room on Monday.”

“I trust you,” Sam replied with a laugh.


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So....I don't think I mentioned this earlier, but in this AU Finn just casually doesn't die. I don't know why he didn't die, he just didn't. 
> 
> Kurt and Blaine do have a conversation, but it's not a confrontation. It's still kinda icky, but I'm not sure if it warrants a full trigger warning. Stay safe anyway and let me know if you think differently!!

Sam and Kurt were standing just outside the choir room but far enough away from the window that no one inside could tell they were there. Sam was extremely nervous to go inside, mostly because he went with a soft boi outfit. Today, he was dressed in another one of the sweaters Kurt gave him, this one a pale blue, some yellow skinny jeans, and his hair fell to just below his ears. He felt like himself, but he knew he didn’t remotely resemble the Sam Evans everyone in glee club remembered from December or even from the wedding.

Kurt squeezed Sam’s hand. “It’ll be okay, Sammy. You look great, we got this outfit Santana approved, and I highly doubt anyone is going to say anything. We’re here to celebrate your graduation, not make fun of you and your clothing choices.”

Sam nodded, and just as he went to push open the door, Artie rolled out of the choir room.

“Sam! Kurt! We’ve been wondering when you’d be getting here.”

Artie grinned at his friends. “By the way, Sam, you look great. I don’t think you’ve ever looked more like yourself.”

Sam smiled softly back. “Thanks.”

“Told you,” Kurt whispered.

Artie went back into the choir room before them. “Ladies and gentlemen, the party can now officially get started because Sam Evans and Kurt Hummel are here!”

They walked into the choir room and were greeted by enthusiastic whooping and cheering. Sam smiled as he traded high fives and fist bumps with the other New Directions members on his way to his chair in the back. Mr. Schue made a point to give Sam a hug before going to stand in the middle of the choir room.

“Well, this has been quite a year! We had our shortest competition season ever, but that was okay because we were able to make some serious change to the show choir competition rules and made some seriously good music together. You’ve all been amazing, but this is the time to honor our seniors and say goodbye. Artie, you wanted to start us off?”

Artie nodded and went to take Mr. Schue’s place. “This was definitely the weirdest year of glee club. Even though we didn’t get to go to Nationals, I’m still thankful for all the time we got together and all the songs we got to sing. I hope this inspires y’all to keep grooving once we’re gone.”

Artie sang a song Sam didn't recognize, but he still did well with it. Everybody clapped for him when he was done.

Since no one else had anything prepared, glee club was dismissed and everyone started milling around the choir room. Sam and Kurt were talking to the sophomores when Blaine approached them.

“Hey, Kurt! How’ve you been?” Blaine asked, all fake smiles.

“I’ve been great. I’d ask you how you’ve been, but I really don’t care,” Kurt replied, reaching for Sam’s hand to get his attention. They agreed that if either of them needed to leave for any reason, they would squeeze each other’s hand two times and the other would come up with some type of bullshit excuse to get out of McKinley as quickly as possible.

“Well, I’m sure you’ll be happy to know I’ll be moving to New York in August. I got into NYADA,” Blaine said.

Kurt nodded. “I know. Rachel told me about how you’re looking for apartments together over by NYU. I was a bit confused by that because NYU is thirty minutes away from NYADA. I don’t understand why you’d want such a long commute when you have those early morning first year classes.”

“A commute is worth the affordable housing. I was shopping around, and I think it’s the cheapest way to get a two-bedroom apartment in the city,” Blaine explained.

“That doesn’t sound right to me. I know NYADA doesn’t have anything like it, but I know other schools have neighborhoods close by that are normally occupied by students. Those should be as affordable as the one near NYU and give you the benefit of a shorter commute,” Kurt replied.

Blaine’s eyes flashed in the way they used to whenever Kurt said something he didn’t like. “Yeah, well, those are all one-bedroom places. Rachel and I each need a bedroom to ourselves in order to live together successfully.”

Kurt nodded slowly. “That sounds wrong to me, but I didn’t do that much research beyond a fifteen minute subway commute to campus because I don’t want to get up stupidly early just to get to class on time.”

“Sounds like someone was more thorough in their research,” Blaine said with a smug smirk on his face.

“You weren’t more thorough, I just had multiple priorities and more roommates than you do. When you have more people splitting the rent, you can increase how much living space you have without going broke,” Kurt explained.

“Well, I like to think of roommates as being a quality over quantity thing,” Blaine replied.

Kurt rolled his eyes. “Is there anything you actually want to say to me because talking to you is exhausting and I’d literally rather be doing anything else.”

Blaine stepped closer to Kurt, invading his personal space. Kurt squeezed Sam’s hand once, which got Sam to come up behind Kurt and wrap him in a hug. Blaine stepped back, but it was only half a step.

“Rachel told me about the things you accused me of,” Blaine hissed. “You weren’t ever supposed to tell anyone.”

“I never told her anything. I was stupidly vague and she happened to be there when Santana made an astute guess. Besides, it’s not any of your business what I tell people. We aren’t together, you don’t have that power over me anymore,” Kurt retorted, his voice just as low.

“No one can know. That is our business and it’s private,” Blaine stated.

“It’s just as much my information to give as it is yours. I’m not arguing semantics with you, Anderson,” Kurt replied.

“Fine. Just don’t meddle with my friendships,” Blaine requested.

“Don’t use my friends to get closer to me,” Kurt challenged.

“You’re not even that close to Rachel, why do you care?” Blaine asked.

“She’s my friend and I care about her. And, not that it even matters, she was my friend first. You wouldn’t be friends if we hadn’t dated,” Kurt said.

“Doesn’t change the fact that she’s best friends with me,” Blaine replied, looking really smug.

“The fact that you think I care is ridiculous. Rachel and I respect that we each have our own groups of friends, we’re not in some kind of competition where we’re tallying up friends and rating who we’re closest to. We get lunch twice a week and talk about our lives, that’s all we need from each other,” Kurt explained, starting to become extremely exasperated with Blaine.

Blaine glanced up at Sam and was surprised to see he was death glaring at him. He had really thought he would’ve been able to get Sam on his side once Kurt was gone, it was the only reason he had Sam run as his VP. Not only was he unsuccessful in getting Sam to see things his way, but he continued to keep Kurt away from him. It was ridiculous how Sam had gotten Kurt to date him, that had to be a total sham because Sam didn’t have a gay bone in his body. The lady clothes didn’t fool Blaine, he knew they were an attention grab and a way to keep Kurt with Sam instead of where he belonged. Blaine was going to get Kurt away from Sam if it was the last thing he did.

Their stare down was interrupted by Artie wandering over. “Hey, y’all. My mom is picking us up in five minutes, so we should get ready to head out.”

“Cool. We’ll be ready to go in a minute,” Sam said, still death glaring at Blaine.

He released Kurt from the protective hold he had him in to get really close to Blaine.

“Stay away from him or so help me God I will kill you. And if I’m not threatening enough for you, I’ll get Santana, Mercedes, and a really good lawyer to come after your life too,” Sam hissed into his ear. He pulled back and linked his hand into Kurt’s, going around and giving everyone else a sunny goodbye.

The trio didn’t say anything until they were about halfway to the school entrance.

“I gotta say, Sam, as adorable as you look, I don’t think I’ve seen anybody look that scary in my whole life, and I’ve spent some time with some of the scariest people to ever walk the halls of McKinley,” Artie said.

Sam blushed. “Some things just need to be protected, and the only way to do that is to look as scary as possible.”

“So something did change between Kurt and Blaine during Whitney week last year,” Artie stated.

“Was it really that obvious?” Kurt asked, ready for this conversation to be over already.

“It had nothing to do with you and everything with Blaine airing out your dirty laundry in the choir room. Everyone automatically looked at you for your reaction and there was something you were trying to hide. It looked like you were trying to be fed up with what had happened that caused you guys to fight, but it was deeper than that. You were scared of him,” Artie explained.

Kurt didn’t say anything, which Artie took as an invitation to continue.

“And then there was the day at the train station where he said something to you that caused you to go white in the face. I made sure to keep an eye on you the rest of the time we were there and saw how he forced you into the car. I also watched Sam low key freaking out when he realized you left with Blaine without telling him.”

“You are one of the few witnesses to the beginning of my personal hell. I thought everything else that happened to me was bad, but that summer was so much worse. I’m not going to say anything else about it, but it’s what really sealed the deal in terms of Sammy being my personal bodyguard for life,” Kurt responded.

“I’m glad you’re in good hands. I can only imagine what you’re implying, and if I were in Sam’s position, I’d probably be just as protective, although not looking as fabulous while doing it,” Artie said, giving Sam a wink.

“You’ve got a fabulous sense of style, Artie. No one rocks the retro old man look quite like you,” Sam replied, giving Artie a slap on the shoulder.

“You flatter me, but I know I look ridiculous. I’m updating my wardrobe for college so I’m less in your face with the retro old man thing,” Artie explained.

“Let me know when we’re going shopping,” Kurt said, a wicked grin on his face.

Artie looked scared for his life, and Sam laughed.

“Don’t be scared, he just takes you to every store in whatever area you’re in that could possibly have what you’re looking for and gets you way more clothes for fifty bucks than you ever thought possible. It’s quite magical actually.”

“I’m still nervous. Clothes shopping has never been an easy thing to do in the chair,” Artie explained.

“Already factoring that in. If we can’t get you in the store, then it’s not worth going to. Except maybe that one tiny thrift store in the back alley behind the Vogue office, but we’ll figure out how to get you in there because that is your store,” Kurt replied. “We’re also definitely going shopping this week to get you some stuff to bring to New York with you. You’re not leaving Ohio without at least a partially revamped wardrobe.”

“Remind me why I agreed to let Kurt Hummel of all people stay at my house for a week?” Artie asked.

Kurt laughed. “Because you missed Sammy and you knew that if you were going to get him to come back, I’d have to come with him.”

Sam nodded. “It’s all a part of dating. We’re a package deal, if one of us goes somewhere, the other has to go with. We can only be apart for twelve hours at a time before we run out of energy and need to cuddle to recharge. It’s simple science, Artie.”

“You two are ridiculous but also really cute. I didn’t know that having you both come back would mean I’d be inundated by cuteness. I’m going to go through withdrawals when you leave,” Artie said.

“You really should’ve expected this, dude. We sang ‘Lucky’ to announce our relationship to everyone at the wedding, if that isn’t sickeningly sweet, I don’t know what it,” Sam replied.

“Point taken. My mom just got here, she usually picks me up on the access road.”

~*~*~

The rest of the week went by relatively smoothly. Things would get awkward when Sam and Blaine got into death glare contests, and to most of the glee club, it was a lot like when Jake and Ryder were actively fighting over Marley back in October. Mr. Schue thought as much and insisted that they perform a duet together in order to work out their issues so they could graduate on good terms.

Sam was baffled at what he was suggesting. “I’m sorry, Mr. Schue, but a glee assignment isn’t going to fix this.”

“I know you were mad at Blaine for making you be his VP when you really weren’t interested, but come on, Sam, don’t you want to try and be friends after graduation?” Mr. Schue asked.

“You think that’s what this is about? If I held grudges like this against people who make me mad one time, then Finn and I wouldn’t have gotten back to being on speaking terms after what happened junior year. That was so much different than what Anderson did, even though what Finn did hurt a lot,” Sam explained.

“I still think it would be a good idea for you to try and work out your differences. You could be really good friends,” Mr. Schue insisted.

Finn was also in the room, looking very confused. “Wouldn’t Sam and Blaine being friends go against some kind of boyfriend code, especially after Blaine cheated on Kurt and that’s why they broke up?”

Now Mr. Schue looked confused. “You’re dating Kurt now? Since when?”

“January, but it was a long time coming,” Sam said.

Finn nodded, giving Mr. Schue a weird earnest look that he couldn’t place.

Mr. Schue sighed in defeat. “Fine, you don’t have to be friends. Just do the assignment, please? I want the group to be unified before everyone leaves.”

“I’m just going to keep refusing until I’m on a flight back to New York. You’re not making me do this, I can’t give Anderson any ideas,” Sam replied.

He pushed himself out of the chair and walked back into the choir room to find Kurt and Artie. Mr. Schue watched him go, looking really distraught. Finn didn’t understand why he was pushing this so hard, and he asked him about it.

“Everyone was so good with each other last year. You all got to say goodbye properly with no hard feelings between you, I just want the same for this year’s seniors,” Mr. Schue explained.

Finn nodded. “That makes sense, but things are just different for Sam and Blaine. I don’t know what happened, but Kurt was gone the whole summer before leaving for school last year, and Sam was really worried and sad the whole time. He’s also been really protective of Kurt since he moved in with us after he got back from Kentucky. It’s bigger than anything any of us have ever fought about, and I don’t think Sam will ever forgive Blaine for what he did to Kurt.”

“And it would be weird for Sam to be friends with Blaine after he cheated on Kurt given that they’re dating now,” Mr. Schue added. “I feel like I should’ve known that.”

“I don’t think I would’ve known if I wasn’t there when Blaine told Kurt what he did. Neither of them like to talk about it, but I think Blaine doesn’t like to admit when he did something wrong. Kurt’s just the type of guy to keep things to himself,” Finn explained.

“No, I meant the dating thing. Usually I know who’s with who or who’s going to try and get with who,” Mr. Schue replied.

“Oh. They announced it at your reception. They also weren’t super obvious about how much they cared about each other before that. Again, I only knew because I lived with them,” Finn said.

“Who knew that disaster would create that much drama?” Mr. Schue asked, looking lost at the kids sitting in the choir room.

“Don’t worry about it, Mr. Schue. Let’s go in and listen to what Tina wants to sing,” Finn replied, practically dragging Mr. Schue back into the choir room.

~*~*~

Sam and Kurt were on their way to a big joint family dinner to celebrate Sam’s graduation and to thank the Hudson-Hummels for their generosity and letting Sam live with them for a year. They were both nervous because this was the first time they were spending time with both their families as boyfriends. This was also the first time Sam’s family was going to see him dressed in a more feminine way, so there was that to be nervous about.

They were waiting in the parking lot for their families to get there, and they were rehashing the events of the week to pass the time.

“You know when Mr. Schue pulled me into his office?” Sam asked. Kurt nodded.

“Well, he wanted me to sing a duet with Anderson so we could put aside our differences and be friends. Luckily, Finn helped me shut him down, but it was still super weird,” Sam explained.

Kurt shook his head. “What a dumbass. He means well, but I’m so glad we don’t have to deal with him anymore. His only redeeming quality was making glee a safe space, otherwise I wouldn’t have put up with his crap.”

“It was really weird. I wonder who he thinks he is sometimes,” Sam mused. Their conversation was cut short by Finn knocking on the window and waving for them to get out. When Kurt climbed out of the car, he gave Finn a friendly nudge.

“Thanks for getting Schuester off Sammy’s ass this week. The last thing we needed was a really angry Blam duet,” Kurt said, flashing Finn a smile.

“No problem. You’re both my brothers, I’d do anything to help you when you needed. I don’t know everything that happened, but Mr. Schue shouldn’t be the reason anything else happens,” Finn replied, flashing a smile at both of them.

Sam was going to thank him too, but a small blond someone barreled into his arms demanding attention.

“Sammy! I missed you!” Stacey exclaimed, squeezing Sam tight.

Sam laughed. “Aw, I missed you too, Stac. Where’s Stevie?”

“With Mom and Dad. They want hugs too!” Stacey replied, pulling Sam off to where his family was standing with Kurt and Finn’s parents.

They smiled as they watched their kids walk over to them, but Sam’s parent’s smiles dimmed slightly when they realized what Sam was wearing.

“Hi, honey. How have you been liking New York?” Mrs. Evans asked, her concern just barely concealed, and everyone could tell.

“I miss how quiet Kentucky and Ohio are and I kind of hate how weird everything smells, but I love living with K and doing things together,” Sam replied trying not to let on how nervous he was.

“Can we just skip the pleasantries and ask what the hell you’re wearing, Samuel?” Mr. Evans cut in.

Sam flinched and reached for Kurt’s hand. “Just some clothes I like,” Sam said in a really small voice.

“Is this your way of telling us something else? Do you have a different name or something?” Mr. Evans asked.

“I’m not trans if that’s what you’re asking. I just like looking and feeling soft, it feels right,” Sam explained.

Kurt came to stand in front of Sam a little, and Burt and Carole smiled at how protective he was being of his boyfriend. Sam’s parents immediately became alarmed and went to explain themselves. Stacey butted in before either of them could get a word in.

“I think Sammy looks pretty. Pretty is good on you, Sammy.”

Stevie nodded in agreement. “You look right. You’ve never looked right before.”

Sam blushed and pulled his siblings into a hug. “Thanks, you two. I love you.”

Mrs. Evans pulled Sam into a hug when he stood up again. “I’m sorry, honey, we’re not upset with you or your choices, we just worry. Your sophomore year of high school makes everything worse when I think about you being out and living in a place like New York that’s so much better but so much worse than Tennessee. Your dad and I just want you to be safe.”

Mr. Evans nodded and gave Sam a hug too. “Your mom’s right. We just want what’s best for you, but we also want you safe. Don’t ever think we don’t love you exactly as you are and that we aren’t proud of you.”

“I understand. I was scared too, but I’m glad I decided not to be anymore. I’m finally starting to feel comfortable, and that’s worth something to me. I’ll do my best to be safe, but I need to be happy and comfortable in order to feel that way,” Sam explained. He smiled over at Kurt, watching as the Hudson-Hummels took the kids inside to give Sam and his parents some privacy. “Besides, I’m pretty sure K would protect me with his life if he thought I wasn’t safe, and I’d do the same for him. As long as I’ve got K, I think I’ll be okay.”

“We trust you and Kurt. It’s clear that he loves you and would do anything for you,” Mrs. Evans said, giving her son another hug.

“And we’re so proud of you. I trust you’re making good on your promise to try selling your art professionally?” Mr. Evans asked.

Sam bit his lip nervously. “It’s kinda slow right now. I’m trying to bulk up on stuff so I have a decent portfolio and I’m trying to find a place where I can show it to people. I’m doing this on top of working full time, so I’m not as far along as I could be.”

“That’s okay, honey. You’re trying and that’s what matters. Let’s go inside and celebrate your graduation and the generosity of your boyfriend’s family,” Mrs. Evans replied, leading the trio inside.


	33. Chapter 33

It was a month after the graduation ceremony and Kurt and Sam had fully settled into their life in New York. Kurt was working full time at Vogue while Sam spent half his time working at the coffee shop and half his time working on large landscape paintings. When they weren’t working, a lot of their time was spent with Rachel and Santana exploring the sights of the city and seeing shows that Rachel scored tickets to through her involvement in _Funny Girl_. They considered their life to be pretty relaxed.

The only snag they continuously ran into was the conversation around sex. Sam understood why Kurt was super hesitant and was trying his best not to pressure Kurt in any way, but sometimes Sam wanted full body contact and Kurt freaked out whenever he tried to get it. This would have been fine if they talked about what was going on for each of them, but Kurt clammed up any time Sam mentioned it. It eventually got to a point where Sam insisted they needed to have a conversation about it, and Kurt resisted heavily.

“There’s not much to talk about. I’m not over it yet, so there’s things you just can’t do,” Kurt stated, doing his best to shut Sam down.

“I know you aren’t, but I need to tell you why I need it so badly sometimes and why I don’t think when I press against you like that,” Sam insisted.

“It’s clearly sexual. I understand that you have needs like that because I have them too, but I can barely help myself with that kind of thing. I just can’t be intimate like that with you yet,” Kurt stated.

Sam sighed. He was itching to give Kurt a hug, but he knew Kurt didn’t want to be touched right now so he squeezed a throw pillow tight to his chest. “I know you can’t and I’m not asking you to be. I’m just asking you to listen to me for a second.”

Kurt huffed but nodded. He figured it couldn’t hurt to hear Sam out.

“When I was little and got really upset, my mom used to do this stimulation thing where she gave me really strong hugs she called pressure hugs. I think she started doing it because it was the only way to get me to not throw tantrums in public, and it just stuck. She stopped giving me the pressure hugs when I started middle school, mostly because she thought I was too old and I was getting too tall for her to do them to me. This forced me to kind of grow out of them, but ever since Bryan died I’ve needed some type of pressure stim to calm down when I’m really upset or overwhelmed. I got a weighted blanket right before my parents lost the house, but it wasn’t the same. Sometimes I’d try to get you or Mercedes to hug me the way I needed, but I was using the blanket most of the time. I don’t have the weighted blanket with me anymore because it just didn’t work and I figured you’d be an unlimited hug bank so I’d be fine without it. I guess I didn’t realize you didn’t notice I only hugged you like that when I was really upset or that it could be a trigger for you because you were fine with it in the past.”

“Oh,” Kurt replied.

“I understand why it could be a sexual thing, but I promise it’s not. It’s just something I do when I really can’t handle life and I just need the icky feelings squeezed out of me. I’m really sorry it’s triggering for you, but I need to come up with a compromise because I can’t handle not having access to one of my coping mechanisms,” Sam said, a desperate pleading look in his eyes.

Kurt nodded slowly. “Okay. We could get you another weighted blanket, but that doesn’t work all the time.”

“Yeah. There’s something about it being another person that makes it work better,” Sam replied.

Kurt zoned out for a minute. “Sorry. I feel cottony. Anyway, what triggers me is your hips pressed against my hips. All I can think about when you do that is you grinding against me and forcing me to go further than that when I don’t want you to. Maybe you just don’t press you’re hips against mine?”

“That could work. You might need to remind me, but I’ll try my best to respect that boundary,” Sam said. He squeezed the pillow tighter. “I’m sorry I made you feel cottony.”

Kurt noticed and took a moment to think about what to do. On the one hand, he really didn’t want to be touched right now. On the other hand, if the way Sam was squeezing the pillow was any indication, he needed one of those hugs he was talking about. Kurt’s leg started bouncing as he tried to figure out what to do.

Of course, since Kurt was being an indecisive mess, Sam’s eyes started watering and he sniffled. “I’m really sorry, K. I won’t ask for those hugs if they make you feel cottony. I can get another blanket.”

He sounded so sad that Kurt made a decision without thinking twice. He launched himself at Sam to pull him into a strong hug, and Sam responded by climbing into Kurt’s lap and sobbing. Kurt just squeezed tighter, hoping he was doing the pressure thing right.

Sam was eventually able to calm himself down enough to climb off Kurt’s lap and cuddle into his side. He knew this was a more comfortable position for Kurt, so he tried to get there as quickly as possible. Kurt smiled and kissed the top of Sam’s head.

“You’re not getting another blanket,” Kurt said after a while.

Sam looked up at him. “I’m not?”

“No. I’m not letting you. And just so you know, it was the tension of the conversation that made me feel cottony, not the hug. If what I just gave you was what you need with a pressure hug, then I can do that without going into that weird place where I feel like I’m going into a flashback,” Kurt explained.

Sam smiled. “That’s good. It was a good pressure hug, you squeezed a lot of icky things out.”

“I think you squeezed a lot of the icky things I was feeling out too. I feel cleansed, which I wasn’t expecting,” Kurt replied.

“Right? It’s why the weighted blanket doesn’t work as well, it smothers instead of squeezes,” Sam elaborated.

Kurt nodded. They lapsed into silence for a few minutes, just enjoying each other’s company.

“Why didn’t you explain this to me earlier? You mentioned that you would try to get me or Mercedes to give you hugs like that before, and I’m now remembering all these times where you’d basically smother me with your body but I could never figure out why you were doing it,” Kurt asked.

“I was embarrassed. I also only really started doing it with you when I came back from Kentucky, and I was so protective of you that I couldn’t let anyone see such a vulnerable part of me. I also associated the part of me that needed to be squished to feel better with the part of me that wanted to be a feminine boy, so I had to keep as much of that locked down as possible. Then there was the whole not dealing with Bryan’s death thing, and I just couldn’t bring myself to let go of all of it at once. I only told you the most pressing thing because I needed someone to know and you were the best person to know. Everything else couldn’t come out until you were safe and we were both out of McKinley,” Sam explained.

“That makes sense. I hope you know I never judged you when you did cuddle me like that. I’ve actually always liked it when you let me hold you like that because I felt so helpless during that time and I knew you were trusting me to protect you from what you found scary when I was holding you. It helped me to feel like I was strong enough to get through it and someday I would get to protect you the way you protect me,” Kurt replied.

Sam smiled. “This is why I trust you so much. You always accept the things about me that I’m either not proud of or weirded out by, even if you don’t know that’s what you’re doing.”

“Well, that’s what best-friends-turned-boyfriends are for, Sammy,” Kurt said, leaning down to kiss Sam.

They broke apart and sat in comfortable silence again. Kurt eventually spoke.

“I don’t think I mentioned this, but I knew you preferred being soft and feminine for a long time.”

“What do you mean? I thought I hid that really well,” Sam replied, very confused.

“Oh, you did. It took me a while to figure it out, actually. You immediately pinged off my gaydar, and when you started claiming you were straight, I needed to figure out why I was so sure we were more similar than we were different. Once we started becoming friends, I realized it had less to do with whatever your sexuality was and more to do with your general energy. You always gave off feminine guy energy, especially when we were alone. As we got to know each other better, you started doing this thing where you’d go really soft and cuddly, which was you being scared or upset, but the softness started to become more common. You started wearing these huge sweatshirts when we were at home, which I wouldn’t have thought anything of if they hadn’t looked like dresses on you and it hadn’t made your softness intensify. I eventually realized you were just naturally really feminine and closeted about it, that you wanted to be soft and cuddly all the time but you couldn’t because of how people were at school. I could also tell you felt like you had to be strong for me, so as much as you let yourself go around me, you couldn’t ever admit to me what was going on because you felt like it limited your ability to be my rock,” Kurt explained.

Sam stared at him wide-eyed. “I didn’t realize you knew all that.”

“I figured you didn’t want to talk about it for a reason so I didn’t bring it up. Instead, I tried to show you I would accept you when you finally decided you were ready to talk about it,” Kurt said.

“You weren’t wrong to do that. I definitely wasn’t ready to talk about it, but I was always testing what you would tolerate from me because I wanted you to know. I just didn’t want to tell you and be rejected by you because I wouldn’t have been able to handle it,” Sam explained.

Kurt nodded. “That makes sense. I hope you know I would’ve never rejected you and that I would’ve been happy to find someone else who understood what it meant to be feminine without being a woman.”

“I think I did deep down, but I just wasn’t ready, especially with Finn being right there down the hall,” Sam replied.

“There he goes again, stopping people from accepting themselves quickly,” Kurt said, hoping to get a smile out of Sam.

He did, and he got a long kiss for his trouble too. “I still can’t believe how chill he’s been about us dating. I thought he would’ve freaked out.”

“Nah, he’s grown out of being weird about two guys dating, specifically me dating other guys he knows. That’s one of the few things Blaine helped with,” Kurt stated.

“Anderson isn’t supposed to have any redeeming qualities,” Sam grumbled, his face slipping into a pout.

Kurt laughed and kissed the pout off Sam’s face. “Don’t worry, everything else he did isn’t made up for by Finn becoming a more tolerant brother.”

~*~*~

Sam was staring at his latest painting in very deep thought. Kurt knew he had to be lost in his own head because Sam didn’t notice him when he came in, and he’d been bustling around the apartment for about ten minutes now. Kurt wrapped Sam up in a hug and kissed the top of his head with the hope that his physical presence would bring Sam back to him. Eventually, Sam turned around so he could hug Kurt back.

“What’s going on, Sammy?” Kurt asked, moving them so Sam was curled up in his lap.

“I was just thinking,” Sam replied, snuggling closer to Kurt.

“You were thinking pretty hard there,” Kurt said. “You didn’t notice me when I came in.”

“I didn’t? I thought you were using your ninja skills to sneak up on me again,” Sam responded.

“I mean, I wasn’t being really loud, but I wasn’t being quiet either,” Kurt stated.

“Oh. Musta been thinkin harder than I thought,” Sam said, trying to snuggle even closer to Kurt than he already was.

“You want to talk about it?” Kurt asked.

Sam nodded. “So I already told you I don’t wanna go to art school because I don’t think I’ll gain anything from it technically. Something I’ve been thinking about a lot when I’m painting lately is how every time we see a new show, you talk about theatre history and how learning about theatre history has opened your mind to what’s possible and helps you to appreciate the shows more. I was wondering what would happen if I took art history classes at a community college or something.”

“You should definitely be able to do that at a community college or through one of the SUNYs. I’m still not sure why you were thinking so hard though,” Kurt replied.

“I don’t know either. I guess it’s because I never saw myself going back to school and I feel like if I’m going to do this, then I’m kinda obligated to get a whole ass degree,” Sam explained.

“You’re only obligated to do what you want to do. If you only want to take two or three art history classes, then that’s all you have to do. If you change your mind and want to get a real degree, then all you have to do is apply. There’s no wrong way to do what you want to do,” Kurt said, rubbing circles into Sam’s back.

“I’m also nervous about all the reading I’d have to do. History means reading books and writing papers, and part of me is scared I can’t handle college level work with my dyslexia,” Sam replied.

“Almost all schools have services for people who need extra help, whether they’re handi-capable in some way or a specific class is just hard for them. I’d be surprised if you couldn’t get help with the things that are challenging for you,” Kurt explained.

Sam sat up so he could look at Kurt properly. “This is why you’re the smart boyfriend. I got so wrapped up in my fears about school that I didn’t even think that most schools aren’t McKinley and would actually give me the support I need.”

“You’re smart too, Sammy. I really hope you know that,” Kurt replied.

Sam shrugged. “I do and I don’t. It’s easy to forget when I can’t do something so basic like reading.”

“Well, I can promise you that while there are many ways in which we are different, being smart is one of the many things we have in common. And to prove my point, you’re going to sign up for those art history classes and you’re going to get at least a B,” Kurt said.

Sam smiled and snuggled back into Kurt. “Thank you for believing in me, K.”

“Of course, Sammy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The whole pressure hug thing was low key inspired by the "Berry need squish" concept from the Love and Other Fairytales series by SoDoRoses (FairyChess). It's not a Glee AU, but it's honestly the best AU of anything I've ever read, so if you're a fan of Sanders Sides and don't mind polyamory, I highly recommend it.


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter TIME!
> 
> TW: disassociation and a character being a bit of a creeper. 
> 
> This is the bagiyeh thing Toby mentions: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rgVCbkAqals. It really is a bop and I listen to it semi-regularly. I'm aware this video was uploaded in 2017 but this is an ancient line dance so I feel like I can get away with including it. I hope you enjoy!!

“Artie, Toby, and Lia are all going to be in the city in a week, we have to plan something,” Kurt said as he, Sam, Rachel, and Santana sat down for lunch that day.

“Are you planning an event where I’d get to meet the straight boy with the gay name? Because if so, I’m down for anything,” Santana replied.

“What about meeting his girlfriend and seeing Artie again?” Sam asked, pulling his cute confused face.

“They aren’t straight boys with gay names and therefore automatically less interesting,” Santana stated.

Kurt laughed. “I’m not arguing with you, but I’m going to invite everybody anyway so you’ll meet Lia and see Artie whether you want to or not.”

“What were you thinking of doing, Kurt?” Rachel asked.

“As you know, my family has had this tradition of doing family dinner on Friday nights since I was born, and I was thinking that now there’s going to be a large group of us in New York, why not try to start doing something like that? We could rotate whose apartment’s being used to host and we could all take turns planning and stuff,” Kurt explained.

“So basically what we’re doing now but having dinner instead of lunch? That’s not very original, Hummel,” Santana replied, looking way more unimpressed than Kurt thought was necessary.

“Do you have any better ideas, Santana?” Sam asked.

“No, I just wanted to call out Porcelain’s lack of creativity,” Santana explained, smirking at Kurt to rub it in.

“It’s not about how original the idea is, it’s about spending time together and having a good night. If it’ll sweeten the deal at all, I’ll take everyone out to that really good Italian restaurant we went to after seeing _Lion King_ and pay for it,” Kurt offered.

Santana immediately conceded to Kurt’s plans because it meant she could have that really good garlic bread again. Sam was worried about Kurt’s offer because that place was really expensive and Kurt would be paying for seven people, so he knew he had to convince Kurt to somehow let him pay half. He’d get Toby on board and they’d be an unstoppable force in getting Kurt to split the check with them. In the meantime, Kurt texted everyone that wasn’t there and they made formal dinner plans and a reservation.

Rachel got really nervous when she remembered something. “Kurt, I think you probably guessed this was going to happen, but Blaine is also moving out to New York next week.”

Kurt nodded. “I figured. Are you two still living together?”

“No. Santana is signing the lease on my current apartment with me when it expires at the end of the month. We’re not letting Blaine move in, so I’m guessing he’s going to be living in the dorms,” Rachel explained.

Kurt’s eyes went shiny and he couldn’t speak for a couple minutes. Sam low key burrowed himself into Kurt’s side, hoping that the contact would ground him enough to bring him back to the conversation. Santana and Rachel were used to this kind of thing happening whenever they talked about Blaine and knew they just had to wait for Kurt to come back to them. Kurt blinked and rubbed his eyes.

“Sorry ‘bout that, I just wasn’t expecting you to pick me over yourself like that,” Kurt said.

Rachel nodded. “Spending more time around you when you’ve talked about Blaine made me realize a lot of things I didn’t know about him. You’d say things and I’d talk to Blaine about it and then I’d compare the answers with Santana. I don’t think I know everything that happened, but I understand why he’s such a touchy subject and why you can’t have him around you. And if you can’t have him around you, then he’s not the person I thought he was, and I don’t want to be around someone who hurt you so badly because who’s to say he won’t do something like that to me? It’s just as much for your protection as it is for mine.”

“Thank you,” Kurt whispered, giving meaningful looks to both Rachel and Santana.

He managed to get himself together so the four of them could have a nice lunch, but he ended up making Sam miss work because he dissociated so badly when they got home. This didn’t happen often, but sometimes talking about Blaine would make Kurt disconnect from what was happening around him and he wouldn’t be able to ground himself. Kurt was super vulnerable to flashbacks in this state, and the only thing that kept him from slipping into flashbacks was being held by Sam. This grounded him just enough to not go into a bad place, but not enough for it to be a quick fix. Kurt and Sam didn’t know how to not just ride it out, so they tried to avoid talking about Blaine as much as possible so they wouldn’t end up in the situation of one of them needing to miss work too often. Not that either of them were that interested in talking about Blaine, but it was the principle of the thing. He was an avoidable trigger, so they figured it was best to avoid the avoidable trigger.

Sam smiled when Kurt looked at him again with clear eyes. The dissociation episodes were scary because Sam never knew when they were going to end or what would trigger Kurt to go into an even scarier flashback episode. The thing that was the most unsettling to Sam was how Kurt’s eyes would go cloudy and how there was nothing Sam could do to get the clouds to go away. Sam would do anything if it meant he never had to see Kurt’s eyes go cloudy again.

Sam’s sadness must have been obvious on his face, because Kurt sniffled and whispered “Sorry,” before burrowing himself into Sam’s neck.

“You didn’t choose this, K. He was awful to you and your brain is still processing that. I don’t like it, but that doesn’t mean I won’t accept you or support you while you’re processing everything. I don’t love you any less because your ex-boyfriend and your brain are butts to you,” Sam said, squeezing Kurt tight.

Kurt shivered. “Pressure hug please?”

Sam smiled and pulled Kurt into his lap. “Of course, K.”

~*~*~

“I’m telling you guys, Boston is stupid! There’s no logic to how the streets work, you can’t do the thing where you make a square if you miss a turn and it’s so easy to get lost. I’m not saying New York is any easier, but the chaos makes more sense here. Boston could stand to lose the chaos,” Toby explained as he, Dalia, Sam, and Kurt walked from the subway to the restaurant. He was telling them about his internship he had in Boston, and apparently the only thing worth mentioning was his attempts to drive in the city.

“Why were you driving, Toby? You’ve lived here for a year and Boston has its own version of a subway, you should know better,” Dalia said. Sam and Kurt nodded in agreement.

Toby shrugged. “What can I say, living in a dorm spoiled me. I missed driving.”

“If the stereotypes are to be believed, I don’t know how you could miss dealing with reckless drivers,” Kurt said in disbelief.

“I’m a Masshole through and through, Kurtie. If I don’t drive recklessly, it would be denying my birthright,” Toby replied, a shit eating grin on his face.

“Well, if you aren’t going to actually tell us about your internship, I’d love to hear about Lia’s summer before you won’t actually be able to tell us about it,” Kurt said.

Dalia was about to tell them about the teaching she’d done at her home studio during the summer, but Santana spotted them and made a beeline for where they were on the sidewalk.

“Move! I need to meet the straight boy with the gay name!” she exclaimed.

Toby was baffled but immediately decided to go along with it. “I’m assuming you’re talking about me. I told my parents that I’d never pass as straight with a name like Tobias, but they wouldn’t listen. My legal name is still Tobias Richard Walsh.”

“That’s even more gay than I thought, good job on that one. And who is the lovely girlfriend?” Santana asked.

“I’m Dalia, Lia for short. I don’t care which one you call me, but if you care these guys tend to call me Lia,” Dalia said, sticking her hand out for Santana to shake.

Santana was gob smacked. “Hummel, I’m offended that you didn’t tell me the boy’s girlfriend had an even gayer name than he did. And she’s hot. I’d totally tap your ass, but I’m not a homewrecker.”

“You didn’t want to hear it. Sammy and Rachel would back me up on that,” Kurt explained, shrugging his shoulders as if to say ‘what can you do?’

Dalia smirked. “If I ever do decide to drop the guy, I’d totally be down for whatever.”

“You mean you aren’t straight?” Santana asked, very skeptical.

“Oh please, everybody’s a little bi,” Dalia explained, winking at Santana.

“Except Kurtie, but I think that’s because we haven’t found his type,” Toby added, grinning viciously at Kurt.

“I think K’s type would look at lot like me in fishy drag. Maybe a talent crush on someone like Diana Ross,” Sam said. Dalia and Toby nodded in agreement while Santana could barely hold in her laughter at how weirded out Kurt looked.

Kurt shook his head. “I am comfortably homosexual, thank you very much. I already answered those questions once, don’t need to do it again.”

“So you’re saying you wouldn’t think I’d be attractive in fishy drag? I’m offended, K,” Sam replied.

“You all know that’s not what I’m saying. I’m just saying I agree with the ‘everybody’s a little bi’ sentiment, but I’m one of the few people who isn’t. I personally don’t think there’s anything wrong with that,” Kurt explained.

“Whatever, we’ll find a feminine presenting person for you to be attracted to someday. What’s more important is the idea of Sam in drag. Who votes for that happening some day?” Toby asked.

Everyone, including Sam, raised their hands. They all thought Sam looked adorable in his more feminine stuff, so it was logical to think that he’d pull off some type of drag reasonably well.

“I’d ask why you’re talking about Sam trying drag, but I’m not sure I wanna know,” Artie’s voice said from behind them.

“Artie, my man! How was your trip?” Sam asked, pulling him into a hug.

“A little crazy because my mom insisted on driving, but I’m here and settled in now, so that’s cool,” Artie replied, moving to hug Kurt.

Rachel arrived with him, so introductions were done quickly and they went to sit down. Kurt wasn’t sure how well Toby and Dalia were going to get along with the former glee club members, but he quickly found out all his worrying wasn’t needed. Santana immediately loved Toby and Dalia, and they were also getting along well with Rachel and Artie. Kurt was vibrating with happiness, which is something that he didn’t do often and Sam made sure to tease him about it.

“My worlds are combining, Sammy, and it’s going way better than I could’ve expected,” Kurt explained, snuggling closer to Sam.

Sam grinned and hugged him close. “I know, you told me multiple times about how you were expecting Tana to scare them off. These rants usually involved whisper screaming and pacing.”

“I do not whisper scream when I pace. I speak in a hushed voice so I don’t disturb our neighbors,” Kurt retorted, beginning to pout.

Toby overheard their conversation and sent a skeptical raised eyebrow in Kurt’s direction. “I’m sorry, Kurtie, but you whisper scream. You try not to, but your rants are too passionate for you to not whisper scream.”

“Like your rants are even better. The number of times I’ve listened to you talk about how Judaism was originally a henotheistic religion because of the Assyrians and how the Assyrians are way more important than Western historians give them credit for is frankly embarrassing and arguably worse than my whisper screaming,” Kurt stated.

Sam laughed. “So you admit it’s whisper screaming!”

“Yeah, yeah, but my Assyrian rants are embarrassing? Excuse me, but I think it’s important that we acknowledge all they’ve done for us! Without them, the Western world would be nothing and we need to do everything possible to save their descendants from ethnic cleansing attempts!” Toby replied.

“I know because you’ve told me so many times! I also have that _bagiyeh_ thing permanently stuck in my head because of you,” Kurt mentioned.

“The _bagiyeh_ is totally a bop though. I looked it up multiple times during the summer and just jammed out to it,” Dalia said.

“Is that the weird chant-line-dance video you play sometimes?” Sam asked. Kurt nodded sheepishly. “Lia’s right, that song is a straight up bop. I get down to that every time you play it.”

Toby laughed. “You got Sam hooked on the _bagiyeh_? I’m so proud. Don’t worry, Sam, there’s more where that came from and I’d be happy to show it to you.”

“Do I want to know what y’all are talking about?” Artie asked, looking totally lost.

Toby grinned and whipped out his phone. Kurt groaned and buried his face into Sam’s neck. “Dearest Artie, Rachel, and Santana, prepare to be amazed by the most fascinating piece of Middle Eastern culture to ever grace this fair planet.”

Sam and Dalia immediately started bopping out to the song, and Artie joined them when he got used to it. Rachel was still lost and Santana was looking at Toby like he’d grown a second head. Neither of them had any idea what they were being forced to watch, and they honestly didn’t care to know. Well, Santana didn’t, Rachel wanted to know what a henotheistic religion was.

Toby immediately went into his lecture mode that Kurt had been unlucky enough to trigger one too many times by expressing interest in what his roommate was learning. He’d also heard this particular lecture enough times to know all about how henotheistic religions were polytheistic religions that had one all-powerful deity with every other god being extremely secondary. He also knew how Judaism became a monotheistic religion, Yahweh being an all-powerful god like Assur or Marduk who absorbed all the purposes of the rest of the Hebrew gods.

Santana of course had never heard any of this information before and was beginning to wonder if this dork was insane. She said as much and got a glare for her troubles.

Kurt laughed. “Of course he’s insane, why else would he major in history and legal studies of all things?”

“Like you’re any less insane for majoring in musical theatre and minoring in art preservation. I mean, seriously, Kurt, art preservation? I can’t think of anything else that sounds more boring,” Toby replied.

“Isn’t accounting a thing that people can major in? That sounds like it’d be more boring,” Sam pointed out.

“Sam’s right. Accounting sounds significantly worse than art preservation,” Artie said.

“Doesn’t make it any less weird,” Toby stated.

“What can I say, I have a soft spot for curation,” Kurt replied with a shrug.

The carefree attitude of dinner suddenly saw a shadow pass over it as a certain someone came to a stop in front of their table.

“Oh my gosh, Rachel, Artie, Santana, Kurt, Sam! Fancy seeing you here,” Blaine said, all smiles.

“What are you doing here?” Sam growled, scooting closer to Kurt in an attempt to shield him.

“I heard this was the best Italian near Broadway and my roommate and I decided we had to go try it! By the way, this is Ryan. Ryan, these are some people I went to high school with,” Blaine introduced.

The guy standing next to Blaine looked super awkward, probably because of how openly hostile Sam and Santana were being toward Blaine. Ryan gave the group a small wave and excused himself to go back to his table to escape the awkwardness. Kurt didn’t blame him, he wouldn’t want to know why a group of strangers was sending death glares to someone he just met and was supposed to live with.

Blaine’s face morphed into a sickly-sweet smile as he watched Ryan walk away. “Sorry ‘bout him, he’s super shy and doesn’t like meeting new people. Speaking of meeting new people, Kurt, who’re these people I don’t recognize?”

Kurt blinked slowly, his eyes already starting to go cloudy. “Toby and Dalia. Friends from NYU. Wanted everybody to meet each other.”

Sam started panicking a little. Kurt had never slipped like this in public before, and Sam knew he was a few minutes from totally shutting down. He had to get Blaine out of there and ground him for long enough to get home.

Blaine still had that stupid sickly-sweet smile on his face. “Lovely to meet you. I’m Blaine, a friend of Kurt’s from high school.”

He stuck his hand out to shake, and Toby gave him the most unimpressed look ever. “I know who you are. You’re not a friend of Kurt’s, so I don’t see why I should give you the time of day.”

Dalia nodded in agreement. “Ex-boyfriends don’t get to be friends with their ex’s new friends. That’s not how it works.”

Blaine’s eyes darkened, but he tried to hide it with a nonchalant shrug. “Whatever. It was great to see all of you, but I should really get back to Ryan.”

They all watched as he walked away, Sam lightly scratching at Kurt’s palm, creating a sharp tickly sensation to try and ground him. Toby noticed and subtly slipped an ice cube into Kurt’s hand. Sam was surprised at how Kurt’s eyes immediately cleared and he became aware of his surroundings again. He softly kissed the top of Kurt’s forehead as Kurt took in what was happening around him. The waitress showed up with their check, and Kurt and Sam quickly took care of dinner. Sam thought he was going to have to fight Kurt in order to get him to split the check, but he knew Kurt wasn’t in good enough spirits to fight like he normally did.

Goodbyes were bittersweet as everyone split off to go home for the night. If Blaine hadn’t shown up, the night probably would’ve been the perfect way to kick off some sort of weekly group dinner tradition, but now it seemed like the universe was trying to send the group some sort of sign. Or at least, that’s what Toby thought, Dalia and Sam were skeptical and Kurt went quiet again. Sam kept doing the light scratching thing because it made Kurt shift against him which meant he was still semi-aware of what was happening.

Toby was super worried. “I’ve never seen him do this before. I knew he wasn’t on good terms with Blaine when they broke up, but I didn’t realize it was this bad.”

“He only started slipping into these dissociated states after I walked at graduation. Before that, he only really had nightmares about four times a week, which I think you knew based on what he told me,” Sam explained.

“I did know about the nightmares because they woke me up sometimes, but he made it sound like they were just regular stress dreams,” Toby replied.

Sam shook his head. “They’re about his time with Anderson. He doesn’t like talking about it and how it affects him. I feel like I wouldn’t know if I didn’t know as much as I did as it was happening to him, so I’m not surprised he didn’t tell you he struggled with PTSD symptoms.”

Dalia’s eyes went wide. “PTSD symptoms? That’s really serious.”

“Doesn’t make it any easier for him to get help. He was kind of trying to back in January, but the counseling center at NYU hasn’t been able to help him much and he doesn’t know how to ask his dad for trauma counseling. I think he’s going to see if anyone who can help with trauma processing was hired on over the summer, but if that didn’t happen then I think I’m going to have to convince him to talk to his dad, which will probably lead to a nasty fight,” Sam said.

Toby winced. “I hope it doesn’t. I don’t want to watch this become a big problem for him because this type of thing is debilitating if it gets bad. Does he have any triggers we should know about?”

“I’ve run into a few of them, but the big one is talking about his relationship with Anderson or seeing Anderson. Even then, sometimes he’ll be fine and other times I can’t get him to come back to me for hours. Most of his other triggers involve certain kinds of touches, but I can’t see either of you being in a situation where that would happen. It’s very unpredictable so it’s hard to know. You don’t need to be on eggshells around him, just be understanding if this does happen,” Sam explained.

Toby and Dalia nodded. “Treat him like we normally would. Got it.”

Sam smiled. “He might be able to tell you more, but don’t be surprised if that doesn’t happen for a while. He prefers to not remember when these things happen.”

“Understandable. We’ll respect his boundaries anyway,” Dalia said. Toby nodded, looking at his friend with a sad smile. When they got back to the apartment, Toby gave Kurt a long hug, even though Kurt couldn’t really tell who was hugging him. The couples said their goodnights and got ready for bed.

~*~*~

Kurt woke up the next morning really tired for some reason. He was trying to remember what he did yesterday that would make him this tired, but he was having trouble remembering much beyond the beginning of dinner. Sam woke up a few minutes later, happy to see that Kurt was lucid and started peppering him in kisses to show it. Kurt laughed, trying to push Sam off him enough to kiss him properly.

“Someone’s affectionate this morning,” Kurt commented, smiling when Sam grinned at him.

“You’re lucid. Every time you come back to me is a reason to celebrate,” Sam stated, nuzzling into Kurt’s neck.

Kurt’s stomach dropped. “I slipped last night? When? Why?”

Sam also froze. “You don’t remember? You usually remember.”

Kurt shook his head, already on the verge of tears. Sam shushed him and squeezed him tight.

“It’s okay, K. There’s nothing wrong with not remembering, you just usually do is all. You wanna know what happened?” Sam asked.

Kurt nodded, not trusting his voice right now.

“Anderson paid us a little visit at dinner last night. I don’t know if it was a coincidence or if he knew we’d be there, but he came by to say hi. He didn’t try anything, but I think we were all creeped out anyway,” Sam explained, shifting them so he could give Kurt a pressure hug.

Kurt melted into the embrace. “So I slipped ‘cause my stalking fears were coming true.”

“We don’t know that. I think he’d have to show up where you are at least two more times before we can start to make a serious case. If I’m being honest, I don’t wanna think about that right now. I just wanna stay here with you until we have to get ready for work,” Sam said.

“Okay. Still worried though. Just wanna be safe,” Kurt replied, burrowing himself into Sam.

“I know, K. I’ll do whatever it takes, but for now I think cuddling would be good,” Sam stated, also trying to burrow himself into Kurt.

Kurt smiled. Even though he was scared and worried, he knew he would be okay as long as he still had Sam and his warmth and love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case I didn't make it clear, Kurt is currently not being treated for his mental health issues in the story, and while Sam and Kurt are kind of educated on some of the terminology, they don't have a lot of knowledge in how to properly deal with Kurt's disassociation struggles, so they use unconventional methods or don't deal with it properly as a result. This is intentional and not coming from a place of ignorance on my part. 
> 
> Also, the stuff about Judaism is more of a theory, but a very really theory. Assyrian culture was way more influential on various aspects of Western civilization than I personally ever thought, and that little nugget of information I slipped into this chapter was one of the most interesting nuggets of information I learned in the Assyrian culture class I took this past semester. I think the only thing more interesting was how ancient Mesopotamians had specialist doctors and understood that medicine could be poison if used too heavily. It's all so fucking cool, man.


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again. It's been a hot minute, but in my defense I've had a crazy month. Not that things have calmed down at all, but inspiration hit me and I've finally decided to finish and post the rest of this story. After this chapter, I'm going to be uploading five more long chapters and a very short epilogue within the next two or so hours. I hope you all enjoy the last part of the story!!
> 
> The songs Kurt is referring to actually exist, they're called "Travellers 1, 2, 3", "Travellers 4/Churchyard Entertainment", and "Travellers 5" by Meredith Monk. If you're going to listen to them, I highly recommend listening to the songs in that order all in a row. Also, I think it's important to note that the events described in this chapter weren't real, I made them up because I was missing school and also plot devices. Now, on to the chapter!!

“I can’t believe you talked me into auditioning for this!” Kurt exclaimed as he burst into the apartment.

“The series is a tribute to post modern choreographers, what were you expecting?” Dalia asked, following close behind.

“Not whatever the hell it was I was forced to do in rehearsal today!” Kurt replied, very emotionally charged for some reason.

Toby and Sam looked at each other in bemusement. They knew that Kurt and Dalia were involved with a performance series that was a collaboration between NYU and Julliard and that it was a tribute to some 20th century choreographers, but they didn't know much more than that. Dalia saw how they were looking at each other and decided to explain further.

“So, you know that show we’re doing is a part of that tribute series, right?” Dalia asked. Sam and Toby nodded. “NYU is focusing on post modern choreographers, specifically Yvonne Rainer, Meredith Monk, and Trisha Brown while Julliard is focusing on modern choreographers. Each choreographer is getting their own show, and Kurt and I were cast in the Meredith Monk show, Kurt because that’s the show all the vocal performance majors were cast into and me because they liked me for her style of dancing. Monk was very big on writing her own music which involved a lot of vocal chanting type of things. Kurt apparently doesn’t like it.”

“It’s so fucking weird! We don’t even say words, it’s just humming and nonsense stuff. One of the songs we’re doing has a four minute section where everyone just sings ‘neyah’ in different ways,” Kurt explained.

“Hey, there’s that one part where you say ‘and go and come and come and go.’ Those are words,” Dalia pointed out.

“You’re forgetting the part where the words are so distorted that it doesn’t actually sound like we’re saying ‘and go and come and come and go,’” Kurt replied.

“Can we have a demonstration? I’m dying to know what this music sounds like,” Toby said. Sam nodded vigorously in agreement.

Kurt rolled his eyes but caved and sang some of the stuff his group worked on in rehearsal that day. Toby and Sam watched in complete fascination.

“I’ve never heard anything so cool in my whole life,” Sam stated when Kurt was finished.

Kurt was very skeptical. “You liked that? It’s the most bizarre thing I know I’ve heard in my whole life, and given what I know of what you’ve been exposed to, that was probably up there for you too.”

“No, K, it was really cool. I mean, yeah, it was weird, but it sounded like you were speaking in another language to try and communicate a secret message to us. I really want to know more about the story you’re trying to tell with the music and the dancing,” Sam explained.

Dalia laughed. “Out of all the people I was expecting to get on board the post modern train, I was certainly not expecting it to be you, Sam.”

“Why? If post modern dance uses music that’s similar to that then of course I’m on board,” Sam replied, donning his cute confused puppy face.

Kurt went over to sit on Sam’s lap to kiss the confused pout off his lips.

Toby gagged. “My eyes are being accosted in my own apartment! Save me, Lia!”

“Nah, they’re cute and you know it. To answer your question, Sam, post modern was about breaking the rules of modern, which was about breaking the rules of ballet, and since some weird stuff came from modern, post modern only got stranger because of what it was following. It was about breaking down structure and finding something new in the chaos. I think that might be why Kurt doesn’t like it very much,” Dalia explained.

“What can I say, I’m a Broadway baby. I’ve never been into this niche dance stuff, mostly because I didn’t really know it existed until you convinced me to audition for this show,” Kurt replied with a shrug.

“Fair enough. I still think you should hang on and do the show. We should also go see the other shows so you can learn more,” Dalia said.

“Oh my gosh, yes. I really want to learn more about these styles of dance and the shows would be great to talk about in my art history class,” Sam responded, turning his puppy eyes onto Kurt.

Kurt smiled softly. “Of course we can see the other shows. One of the perks of in being a cast member is you get two tickets to the other five shows and four tickets to the one you’re in. Even if you weren’t as interested as you are, I would’ve had you go to at least one other show other than Monk because I don’t want to waste the tickets.”

Toby’s eyes went wide. “This is a six week series, right? That means double dates for five weeks and a big family extravaganza for one week. I’m nervous already.”

“Don’t worry, Toby, I already got my family a hotel room so there’s no chance of them crashing here. We don’t have the room for three extra people,” Kurt said, flashing Toby what he hoped was a comforting smile.

“Three people? Does that mean Finn’s coming to see the show?” Sam asked.

“Yup. And I figure once Rachel hears he’s going, then she’ll insist on getting a ticket, and then Santana will want one and we wouldn’t be able to get away with not inviting Artie so he’s going to come too. That’s so many people coming to watch the weirdest thing I’ve ever done in my life. Shit, I didn’t think this through. Lia, how did you convince me to do this?!” Kurt rambled.

“In my defense, you wanted to start auditioning for stuff and I mentioned it because I thought it would be cool to do a show together. It’s not my fault you didn’t do research before committing to the production,” Dalia stated.

“You’re right, I just didn’t realize what post modern choreography meant and how since this is going to be my first public performance in New York, I can’t talk anyone out of coming to see it. This may sound stupid, but I’m scared of what everyone’s going to think of me,” Kurt explained.

“You’ve never let that stop you before though,” Sam pointed out, wrapping his arms around Kurt waist and squeezing.

Kurt squeezed Sam back. “I was always confident in the fact that I knew what I was doing was good. I’m not so sure about this. Yes, I know we’re doing tributes to world-famous choreographers, but this is so far outside of my normal wheelhouse that I’m afraid of freaking out my friends and family.”

“I understand that. Even though I wasn’t in a show last year, I had my parents come up to see the spring semester showcase to give them an idea of what I was learning and what they’d be seeing me do next year. It was very different than what I had done in high school, so they were weirded out at first. I had to explain how what I was doing was different and why I liked it more than what I did in high school, and they eventually came around to it. The dance, music, and theatre world that’s mainstream is an extremely small snapshot of what actually happens, and it’s always jarring to see the underground and fringe stuff at first. If you like it and keep pursuing it, your family will eventually get used to it if they keep watching you perform,” Dalia said.

Kurt walked across the room to give her a hug. “Thanks, Lia. I’m sorry I freaked out on you, I’m just worried I’ll be pushed away by some of the people I care about deeply because I’m always interested in stuff that isn’t mainstream. I always feel like my niche interests push people away.”

“It’s okay, Kurt. I understand why this is harder for you, given your past and your original intentions of coming to New York were to be on Broadway. Just know that the three of us are more than happy to support your niche interests because we’re just as nerdy about this stuff as you are. Well, Toby’s forced into it, but I think my point still stands,” Dalia replied.

“Hey! I think what you guys do is super cool to watch. I may not understand it, but I can still appreciate it,” Toby said indignantly.

“And that’s one of the many reasons I keep you around,” Dalia responded, turning to kiss her boyfriend.

It was Sam’s turn to gag, and they all laughed. Kurt wandered back over to Sam and snuggled into his lap. “I can’t wait to watch the New Directions alums see their first niche dance performance. We’re going to need to document this, Sammy.”

Sam’s face lit up in a mischievous grin. “Oh my gosh, yes! We’ll need a camera and to try and remember word for word what everyone said. I feel like we can get Artie to help us with that.”

“Artie will probably be the least weirded out based on what he’s said about the stuff he has to watch for school. I can’t decide who’s going to have the bigger cow, Rachel or Santana,” Kurt mused.

“I don’t know either. We should take a poll,” Sam replied.

Kurt laughed. “We wouldn’t be able to ask many people before spoiling the surprise of the show.”

“Doesn’t matter. We’re taking bets. This is the beginning of out gambling empire, K. We need to start off strong,” Sam stated.

Kurt went from laughing to cackling, and Sam grinned at the reaction he was able to get out of his boyfriend.

~*~*~

“That was amazing! Who knew dance could be like that?” Sam asked as they walked out of the Martha Graham performance.

“You liked that? I’ve always found Graham to be very flat and rigid, especially _Lamentations_ ,” Dalia replied, looking at Sam in disbelief.

“What are you talking about? That was the best one! There was something so raw and deep about it, I feel like a changed man after seeing that,” Sam said.

“I honestly don’t know how to respond to that. I really was expecting y’all to think the Graham performance was the most boring one,” Dalia explained.

Sam shook his head vigorously. “This stuff is so interesting and inspiring. Watching that gave me so much creative energy that I have to paint when we get home. I don’t know what I’m going to make, but I want to try and capture the energy of the work we just saw.”

Kurt squeezed Sam into a side hug. “You’re adorable. I’m sure whatever you make is going to be amazing.”

“I don’t know about amazing, but it’ll definitely be something,” Sam replied, a blush coating his cheeks.

Toby snapped his fingers and pointed at Sam. “That reminds me, NYU is hosting an art show/auction that’s featuring student and community work. My professor mentioned it in class yesterday because he’s in charge of the organizing the community submissions. You should totally submit something for the show.”

“Seriously? I didn’t know NYU did something like that,” Sam responded.

“Yeah, it’s an annual thing. It’s a very important event for anyone who’s an amateur wanting to break into selling their art professionally because of how selective the community curator is about what gets let into the show. If any of your pieces were submitted, they’d be seen by gallery curators, grad school scouts, and co-op recruiters from around the world, that’s why they’re so selective about who gets to be in the show,” Toby explained.

Sam’s eyes went wide. “That sounds amazing, but I don’t even know what I would submit for something like that. I also can’t imagine such high profile people seeing my work. International gallery curators? This is some next level shit.”

“But it would also be a crime if you didn’t at least try to get in. We went to see the art show last year and your stuff is way better than the community submissions we saw,” Dalia encouraged.

Kurt nodded. “We guessed that the international recruiters and curators were there for the student work because that stuff was amazing, but I think you could easily be noticed by them and have your work picked up for a small museum in Europe somewhere.”

“I don’t know about all that,” Sam replied, very skeptical.

“Trust me, you’re good enough to be noticed. Hell, you’re good enough to get multiple pieces in which is unheard of for community submissions. You have to try, Sam,” Toby stated.

“I’ll think about it,” Sam said.

“Think about it this way. The worst that could happen is your work gets rejected for display. If it does, all that means is your work wasn’t right for this show. We can find other ways for you to get your work out there,” Kurt pointed out.

“I still need to think about it,” Sam replied.

The other three could sense that Sam was very nervous and agitated, so they let the conversation drop for now. Toby brought them back around to the Martha Graham performance which brightened Sam up immediately. He went on about how he was going to pair a piece with a review for his art history class and how he was pretty convinced he could get his professor to give him extra credit for the project.

~*~*~

Sam curled himself into a tight ball against Kurt’s chest once they got into bed that night, and this action immediately sent alarm bells off in Kurt’s head.

“You know how much I love to hold you like this, but you only do this when something’s wrong. What’s up?”

Sam shuddered a little which caused Kurt to squeeze him tight. “I can’t imagine my stuff being seen by curators from around the world. Sure, they might be from tiny museums that are in the middle of nowhere, but what if they curate work for places like the Louvre? I feel like that’s unlikely, but that’s huge, K. That’s my Broadway but way more insane. I can’t let people who are that important see my stuff, it’s too weird and I don’t deserve it.”

“Why on earth would you not deserve that?” Kurt asked, disbelief and worry very clear in his voice.

“I make stuff that isn’t meant to be seen by other people. My art has always been about what I can’t let people know about me, it was a safe place for me to express myself. How am I supposed to show people what I don’t want them to see?” Sam explained, his voice very small.

Kurt’s heart broke. “Your art can still be a safe space for you. You don’t have to tell the world what it means, you can just make something and let it speak for itself. More importantly than that, you don’t have to be ashamed of who you are anymore. I think I can safely say that everyone in your life loves you for you and not the pale imitation of a person you were when I first met you. I thought that guy was pretty great, but I fell in love with the guy who makes all of this amazing art about his truth. Your truth is beautiful, Sammy, and I think you more than deserve for people to see it and celebrate it with you.”

Sam sniffled. “That sounds way simpler than it feels. Just thinking about random strangers judging parts of my soul is terrifying. I don’t know if I’m ready.”

“It’s okay if you aren’t. You don’t have to do this now, Toby just mentioned it because he thinks you could be really successful, and Lia and I happen to agree. There’s no pressure to do anything though, this would be something you’d do for yourself,” Kurt reassured.

“I didn’t think of it that way,” Sam replied.

They laid there in silence for a few minutes, and Sam slowly uncurled to press his front flush to Kurt’s. Kurt’s heart started racing for a moment at the close contact, but he was able to calm himself down by reassuring himself that Sam was in no state to force himself onto Kurt. Kurt did end up bending his knee to push Sam’s hips away from his, and Sam flushed in embarrassment when he realized what he was doing.

“Sorry, K. I just need the contact. I didn’t even think,” Sam said.

“It’s okay, I know you didn’t think because you were thinking,” Kurt replied.

“Yeah,” Sam agreed. “I think I want to try and put together a portfolio. I don’t know what I’ll do with it, but I want to do something.”

Kurt smiled. “That sounds great. Do you want help picking pieces?”

Sam shook his head. “I don’t think so. I’ll let you know if that changes though.”

“Okay. I love you and I’m proud of you no matter what you do,” Kurt said.

Sam grinned. “I love you and I’m proud of you too.”

~*~*~

Kurt was nervous as he and Dalia walked out to meet everyone in the lobby of the theatre. The performance had gone really well, nobody messed up anything and it was probably one of the best run throughs of the show Kurt had witnessed. Now, it was time to find out what his friends and family thought of his more unconventional endeavors.

They found Sam and Toby first, who of course were all smiles and support for their significant others. Toby lead Dalia to her family while Sam lead Kurt over to his. Luckily for Kurt, Carole and Burt noticed them approaching first.

Burt pulled Kurt into a hug. “I’ll be honest, I have no idea what I just watched, all I know is you did good, kiddo.”

Kurt smiled. “Thanks, Dad. What did you think, Carole?”

“I was a bit confused too, but I feel like that was most fun I’ve ever seen you have when performing,” Carole replied, also giving Kurt a hug.

“I’m not going to lie, I was really mad that I let Lia convince me to audition for this, but I’m glad I did it. I know way more about what’s out there now, and I got to perform for the first time in a major showcase series. It may not be something I would’ve picked for myself to do, but I can’t say I regret it,” Kurt said, smiling at his parents.

Sam grinned and wrapped his arms around Kurt’s waist from behind. “I personally have been loving this. We’ve gotten to see so many cool shows, I didn’t know dance was this awesome and inspiring. We’re going to have to see more dance shows.”

Kurt groaned. “I think I’m all danced out for a while now. Six weeks of dance shows is a lot, Sammy, I don’t know if I can take much more.”

“Fine, I won’t try to drag you to anything until at least spring semester,” Sam replied, pressing a kiss to Kurt’s cheek.

Kurt smiled and turned to kiss Sam properly. They were interrupted by the approach of their other friends.

“Porcelain. What the fuck?” Santana asked, leveling an unimpressed look at Kurt.

“You just saw some of Meredith Monk’s most famous pieces restaged on NYU students. It’s fairly straightforward,” Kurt replied, trying to look nonplussed.

“That isn’t what dance or singing is supposed to be. Why did you force me to watch that?” Santana demanded.

“Technically, Finn was the only one that could claim possible involuntary participation. I just mentioned Lia and I were doing a show and sent you a link to buy tickets if you wanted, I wouldn’t have been offended if you didn’t want to come,” Kurt said.

“It was cool to see you perform, little brother. The show was weird, but I’m not mad I came out to see you,” Finn said, flashing Kurt a small smile and slapping his shoulder a few times.

“I liked watching you too. I kinda understand why dance films are such a huge thing now, although I don’t think I’d shoot one myself,” Artie said, also flashing a smile at Kurt.

Everyone turned to Rachel. She blushed darkly and looked down at her shoes. “You were great, Kurt. I’m just not sure why you’d ever do something like this, it’s not what you want at all.”

Everyone stared at her in disbelief. “Rachel, I’m not sure you completely understand what I want anymore.”

Rachel’s head snapped up to look at him. “What do you mean?”

“I want to explore. I thought Broadway was the ultimate goal and the only thing worth pursuing, but now I understand how fluid and interesting the performing arts can be. I’m not saying I want to do this for the rest of my career, but I think I’m much more into the unconventional side of performing arts than I thought,” Kurt explained.

“Also, not that Broadway isn’t great and I will always support you no matter what, but this stuff is just cooler. You can really do what you want and there’s less expectations with it. I feel like you can’t do that much in conventional musical theater,” Sam added, giving Kurt’s middle a reassuring squeeze.

“You’re also conventional, Rachel. I’m always going to be an unconventional choice, so I have to go after a wider range of opportunities in order to get one or two moments of success. After this experience, I don’t mind that reality as much as I used to. I’m kind of excited about it actually,” Kurt said.

Rachel still looked doubtful but figured there was no way she could convince Kurt otherwise, at least not at the moment. Kurt knew they’d be revisiting this conversation for as long as they were friends and he was trying to decide how much effort he wanted to put into a friendship where the friend in question was constantly questioning his career choices. He figured he could make an official decision at a later time.

“As long as we agree the chanting was weird, I don’t care what you do, Hummel,” Santana said.

Kurt sighed exasperatedly. “Sure, Tana, whatever you say.”


	36. Chapter 36

Kurt walked into the apartment to find Sam and Toby having a staring showdown with an envelope. Toby looked exasperated, Sam looked terrified. Kurt raised an eyebrow at Toby and pulled Sam into a hug from behind. Toby let out a sigh of relief as he watched Sam relax a little.

“Kurt, can you please convince your boyfriend he won’t die if he opens the letter and that it’s probably good news?” Toby asked.

“Is that your letter from the art show organizers?” Kurt replied, moving so he could see Sam’s face more clearly.

Sam nodded, not looking any less afraid of what the letter might say and even less determined to find out than before.

“You realize that the sooner you open the letter, the sooner you’ll be out of this weird limbo,” Toby said.

“I don’t know if I want that. This is my first not school sponsored art show. What if they didn’t like my stuff enough to put it in?” Sam asked.

“Do you want one of us to open it for you? Take the pressure off a little bit,” Kurt suggested.

Sam nodded. “Toby can do it. I’d have you do it, but I don’t want you to stop hugging me.”

Toby sighed dramatically. “Finally!” he said as he reached to open the letter.

Sam and Kurt waited with baited breath as Toby struggled to open the envelope. He eventually got it open and scanned it quickly before grinning.

“Congratulations, Mr. Evans, we’ve decided to accept all three pieces you submitted into New York University’s Annual Community Art Show and Auction! We look forward to seeing you on Monday to drop the pieces off and to submit a small explanation of your work.”

Kurt squeezed Sam tight and said his congratulations. Sam was just shocked.

“They thought my stuff was good enough to be seen by people? They think people might want to buy it?” he asked, looking back and forth between Toby and Kurt.

“Well, duh. Despite what you may think, Samuel, you’re damn good with a paint brush. You make whole ass alien worlds that any sci-fi writer would kill to be able to explore. Of course people wanna buy that shit,” Toby said, grinning the whole time.

Kurt nodded in agreement. “It really would’ve been a crime if you hadn’t gotten into this show, Sammy. I’m so proud of you, you’re going to sell your first pieces of art!”

“Just because my stuff is in the show doesn’t mean anyone is gonna buy it,” Sam stated, blushing when Kurt and Toby let out indignant scoffs.

“There’s no way that’s not gonna happen. I will buy your work if no one else does,” Toby replied.

“I feel like that’s cheating, but whatever I guess,” Sam responded quietly.

“Well, I highly doubt Toby is going to end up doing that because your stuff _will_ sell, okay, Sammy?” Kurt reassured, hugging Sam and kissing his forehead.

“If you say so,” Sam replied, burying his head into Kurt’s neck.

Toby smiled fondly at them. “If y’all are ready to stop being gross, we should call Lia up and go celebrate! I’m thinking smoothies from that one place Sam really likes.”

“I can be down with that,” Sam said, pulling away from Kurt to get ready to leave.

~*~*~

Sam was nervous as he walked into the gallery the art show was being held in. Kurt, Toby, and Lia kept telling him he had nothing to worry about, that his stuff was really good and he totally deserved to be in the community part of the art show, but he wasn’t sure. He had this gut feeling that his life was going to change because of the show, and he wasn’t sure how he felt about that because he didn’t know how exactly his life was going to change. Sam just hoped it would all be good things.

He found the reception desk like the letter said very quickly, and soon enough he was up in the gallery where the show was being put together. Sam approached the table the receptionist referred to where he was supposed to check in, and he found a younger guy (?) manning the table.

The guy smiled at Sam as he watched him approach, but his face morphed into confusion when he realized how young Sam was.

“You do know the senior showcase is being set up in the room down the hall, right?” he asked.

Sam blushed. “Oh, no, I don’t go to school here. Even if I did, I wouldn’t be a senior, I haven’t even been out of high school a year.”

“Really? Wow, we normally don’t have people this young or with that many pieces for the community show,” the guy replied, gesturing to the three canvases Sam had tucked under his arm.

Sam laughed nervously. “Yeah, I’ve been told I’m a bit of an oddity for this show. I just hope I stand out in a good way.”

“You probably will if they let you have that many pieces in the show,” the guy said. “I’m Bentley by the way, they/them please.”

“Sam, he/him I guess,” Sam replied, taken a little off guard at Bentley introducing themselves with their pronouns.

“You guess? You mean you don’t know?” Bentley replied, a teasing smile on their face.

“No, no, I’m pretty sure I’m a dude, I’m just not used to people introducing themselves with their pronouns is all. Threw me a little,” Sam explained.

Bentley nodded. “I understand that. I do it so people don’t assume, you know?”

“That makes a lot of sense, it’s just not something I’ve ever thought about before,” Sam replied.

“Well, as long as you’re not using your confusion as an excuse to be transphobic, I don’t think we’ll have any problems,” Bentley said, flashing Sam a smile. Sam smiled back in a way he hoped was friendly and not just painfully nervous. Bentley gestured for him to come closer. “Let’s get you checked in so I can help you with the blurb you’re supposed to have about your work, then we can go place it.”

Sam and Bentley continued their conversation in a friendly, business-like manner. The business tone was completely dropped when Sam unwrapped his work so Bentley could help him figure out what he should say about it.

“Dude, why aren’t you a professional illustrator?” Bentley asked before shaking their head. “No, how are you not in art school? Why is this your first art show? How are we the same age? This is insane!”

“I’ve never thought of being an illustrator if I’m being totally honest. I want to make my own worlds, not bring someone else’s to life,” Sam explained, his face bright red as Bentley sang their praises.

“You could totally do it though. If I were a sci-fi author, I’d kill to have you draw my world. You’re totally gonna steal the attention of the scouts that come for the student work. No one in this year’s class can touch what you’re doing,” Bentley replied.

“Everyone in my life is really convinced that’s gonna happen. I guess I should start believing them if a complete stranger agrees with them,” Sam said.

“I’m glad your friends know what good work looks like. Are they artists too?” Bentley asked.

Sam shook his head, stopped, and then nodded his head side to side. “Well, kinda. Toby isn’t, he’s just stupidly supportive. Kurt is a musical theatre major and Lia is a dance major, so they’re artsy but not in the way I’m artsy.”

Bentley laughed. “That’s close enough. If they major in it, then they have to be familiar with how other art influences their art. Being stupidly supportive is also a good look on a friend.”

“Yeah. I appreciate them a lot, but sometimes I wonder if they’re building me up because they feel like they have to. It’s nice to know that they might not be completely exaggerating,” Sam said.

“Or maybe I’m just being nice, who knows?” Bentley replied, a shit-eating grin on their face.

Sam laughed. “I highly doubt it. I saw how shocked you were when I unwrapped my work, you’re genuinely impressed.”

“You got me there,” Bentley said, gazing at Sam thoughtfully for a moment. “Do you want to get coffee sometime? I’d love to get to know you better.”

Sam nodded. “I’d like that a lot. I don’t wanna be that guy, but it can’t be a date. I already have a boyfriend.”

Bentley sighed dramatically and snapped their fingers. “Of course you do. You’re adorable and clearly don’t mind unconventional gender expression, that automatically means you’re taken.”

Sam blushed self-consciously. He shouldn’t have been surprised that Bentley was able to clock him, but he was being much more conservative with the ‘soft Sammy’ thing than usual. He just had his hair pulled into low pigtails, pairing it with baggier jeans, a t-shirt, and a flannel. Most people probably wouldn’t have been able to guess he liked unconventional gender expression and he said as much to Bentley.

They smiled and shrugged. “What can I say? I gotta keep a look out for the queers who are more like me and not just white cis gay guys. Enbies gotta find each other somehow.”

“I’m not sure what enbies is, but that isn’t me. I’m definitely a guy,” Sam explained.

“I know, I’m just saying that I look out for unconventional gender expression because that means I might find someone else who’s nonbinary. Also, enbies is the plural form of enby. It’s another way of saying nonbinary,” Bentley replied.

Sam nodded. “Oh, okay. Sorry, I’ve been getting touchy about that recently. People are dicks and sometimes don’t know when to shut up.”

“It’s all good, I’ve been right where you are many a time. People care too much about things that don’t concern them,” Bentley stated, smiling shyly at Sam.

“Right? It’s so fucking annoying,” Sam replied.

The two continued to talk, eventually getting around to settling all of Sam’s stuff so he could leave. They exchanged phone numbers and planned a coffee date for Thursday. Sam couldn’t wait to tell Kurt about the new friend he’d made that day.


	37. Chapter 37

Sam was insanely nervous. He was coming to realize that maybe he shouldn’t be this nervous about an art show, but he didn’t know. There was something big attached to this, he could just feel it. Of course, whenever he’d mention it to Kurt, he’d just reassure him and tell Sam whatever was meant to happen would happen. Only good things were going to come out of this experience, Kurt was sure of it. Sam still didn’t know. He felt like his life was going to change forever.

The only person who kind of understood how Sam was feeling was Bentley. They were a visual arts student at NYU and very familiar with how this particular art show could make or break the senior’s careers, hell, it was going to make or break their career someday. Even though most of the community portion of the art show wasn’t quite at the same level, Bentley was convinced Sam’s work was going to be noticed. Someone was going to at least want to hang it in their living room, if not try to recruit him into some fancy art school. Sam wasn’t sure he thought that was what was going to happen, but he was glad to have someone more fully understood the gravity of the situation.

When Sam and Kurt got to the gallery, Sam immediately dragged Kurt to find Bentley. He hadn’t gotten the chance to introduce the two yet, and Sam was trying to find any excuse to not hang around where his artwork was being displayed.

They found Bentley taking bids on the student work. Things seemed to be a bit slow, so Sam had no problems with approaching them.

“Bentley! Thank god we found you! This place is a bit of a mad house,” Sam said when they got to the table.

Bentley smiled up at him. “It always is. I’m honestly surprised that I’m not being mobbed by people right now. Normally this table is pretty hopping.”

“Well, the show’s only been running for, what, thirty minutes? People usually like to look around a lot before they try to buy things,” Kurt replied, shifting awkwardly next to Sam.

Sam blinked at him for a moment and then remembered why they were talking to Bentley specifically and not looking at the rest of the show. “Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry. Kurt, this is my friend Bentley. We met when I dropped my stuff off and they’re a visual arts major here. Bentley, this is my boyfriend Kurt, who I’ve already told you a lot about so it’d be kinda weird to recap.”

Bentley smiled and reached across the table to shake Kurt’s hand. “Ah yes, Kurt Hummel, the man who’s taken this rather charming man off the market. I’m not gonna lie, your boyfriend is a total catch I would snatch up in a second if he was single.”

“Just to be clear, I don’t have anything to worry about, right?” Kurt asked, tone playful but his face betraying how concerned he actually was.

Bentley laughed and shook their head, Sam just got really worried.

“You have nothing to worry about. Being a homewrecker isn’t my style and besides, Sam has a major thing for you, I couldn’t compete with that if I tried.”

“I know you know I’m not him. I would never do anything like that to you, Bentley’s just a casually flirty person, kinda like Chandler,” Sam whispered, pressing a kiss to Kurt’s cheek.

Kurt could only nod, but managed a tight-lipped smile at Bentley that he hoped was at least somewhat friendly. Bentley seemed to understand that they’d accidentally hit a nerve and reached out to give Kurt’s hand a squeeze.

“I promise I have no shady intentions toward your boo. He’s too good of a friend and too in love with you for me to want to even bother trying,” Bentley said, hoping they’d managed to be reassuring.

“Sorry. It wasn’t you, just baggage. Sammy mentioned you were a student, do you have anything in the show?” Kurt asked.

Bentley shook their head. “I’m a junior, so it’s not my time yet. Underclassmen are asked to volunteer to run the show, so here I am, doing my civic duty.”

“I’ve been there. I helped tech the senior showcase performance for the music theatre majors last year. It was a part of the whole ‘paying my dues as a student’ thing,” Kurt replied.

“We love it when the program uses the hierarchy as free slave labor,” Bentley commented, causing Kurt to laugh and Sam to smile.

The group kept talking, and Bentley was eventually released from their duties so they took the opportunity to show Sam and Kurt around the art show. Toby and Dalia ended up meeting up with the group shortly after that and they started wandering around the community section of the show. The group were parked by a bench in the corner, talking about the show and watching as a woman was bouncing around between students who were working the show, very clearly looking for something. She eventually ended up approaching their little group because Bentley was wearing the same gray polo as the rest of the students work the show.

“Excuse me,” she said, her voice thick with a German accent. “Do you know if the artist Sam Evans is here? I must speak with him.”

Sam’s eyes went huge as he froze and Dalia elbowed him in the ribs to snap him out of it.

“Uh, yeah, that’s me, Sam Evans. How can I help you?” Sam replied, sticking his hand out to shake.

“It is such a pleasure to meet you, your work is amazing. I can’t say I’ve seen anything like it, and I’ve seen a lot of unique work in my time,” the woman explained, shaking Sam’s hand vigorously.

“Oh, thank you. I’m glad you like it,” Sam said, smiling shyly at the woman. “May I ask who you are?”

“Oh, yes! I’m so sorry, I forget myself. Greta Scholz, founder of Geisterhaus, a co-op based in Germany,” Greta replied.

“I’ve never heard of Geisterhaus, so I’m still not sure why you’re talking to me,” Sam stated.

“Geisterhaus is a place where artists strive to combine art with technological advances to create a connection between humanity and the soullessness that can be present with modern-day technology. We create these worlds where artists and engineers alike can come together and play. Geisterhaus was originally modelled after Bauhaus, except we aren’t a school and more of a complex where artists come together to share their ideas and create work,” Greta explained.

“That sounds really cool. I’d love to see some of the work you guys have done,” Sam replied.

Greta shook her head. “No, no, that simply won’t due. I want you to join us and add to the body of work associated with Geisterhaus.”

Sam gapped at her. “I’m sorry, but what?”

“I want you to come and live at Geisterhaus for a year and work with us. You don’t have to, of course, but you’re very talented and I’d be honored to put your name on the list of artists associated with Geisterhaus,” Greta replied. She pulled out a business card and told Sam to call her when he decided what he wanted to do. Sam just nodded, his mouth going dry as he watched her walk away.

Everyone around him was all smiles and congratulations, basically passing him around so they could all hug him. Sam was just staring blankly between the business card and where he’d seen Greta disappear into the crowd. He couldn’t even begin to process what had just happened.

Kurt was eventually able to get Sam’s attention again and smiled softly at him when he did so. “I guess you were right, Sammy. This show was life altering for you.”

Sam blinked slowly before shaking his head. “I don’t even know what to do with this opportunity. Like, we were just talking about the Bauhaus Movement in my art history class a few weeks ago, they were huge in the European modern art scene. What if Geisterhaus is like that? What if I get to be that influential through being associated with them? I don’t know how to handle that.”

“That would be so cool though. Also, did I hear her mention working with engineers? Does that mean you’d be making your paintings into actual real life things? Because I’d love to see that,” Toby replied, getting even more excited for Sam than he already was.

“I have no idea but I can’t even begin to imagine what that would be like,” Sam said.

“I hope you know you’re going to have a really hard time justifying turning down this opportunity, Sammy. Your argument is going to need to be super airtight,” Kurt stated.

“I mean, sure. I just need to process this, I guess,” Sam explained, still looking very dumbfounded.

“That’s totally fair. I know I’d be freaking out if I got an offer to join a place like Geisterhaus,” Bentley replied, flashing Sam a sympathetic smile.

“Doesn’t mean we shouldn’t celebrate Sam’s accomplishments though,” Dalia pointed out.

Sam blushed. “Which means smoothies, right? I high key want a smoothie right now.”

“Of course celebrating your accomplishments means smoothies,” Kurt replied, linking their arms together.

~*~*~

“You can’t seriously be considering living at some weird co-op in Germany for a year. That’s so far out of the question, I don’t even know how to explain it,” Rachel said.

Kurt, Sam, Rachel, Santana, and Artie were out for lunch on a Tuesday. The big family dinner thing didn’t stick, but the New Directions alums minus Blaine decided to try and get lunch together regularly like Kurt and Rachel had been for the past year. Sam was telling them about what had happened at the art show since they hadn’t been able to go.

“I don’t understand why that’s out of the question. I think it’s great that Sam could go and do something like that if he wanted. I’m not sure I would’ve picked it for you, but you should definitely do it if you want to,” Artie replied.

Rachel looked at Artie in disbelief. “That’s exactly why it’s out of the question! It’s too far out of character for Sam to just hole up in Europe and ‘make art’. Like, why would you even want to do that, Sam?”

“Well, I like making art, so there’s that. Also, I looked up some of the work associated with Geisterhaus and they’re known for taking weird concept drawings and turning them into these elaborate sculptures. I might be able to do something like that with one of my landscapes,” Sam explained. “Maybe Germany isn’t the first place I’d pick for myself either, but I think it’s less about the place and more about the opportunity.”

“Is it though? I think the place creates the opportunities,” Rachel stated, giving them all a self-satisfied smirk.

“I hate to break it to you, Rachel, but Germany is a major powerhouse for the development of music, visual art, and dance, especially during the twentieth century. Have you taken any theatre history classes yet?” Kurt asked.

“We don’t do that at NYADA. It’s not about what’s been done, it’s about what you can do and making you the best you can be so you can land roles,” Rachel explained.

“Of course you don’t understand why Germany is a good place for this kind of thing. You just gotta trust that this is a neat opportunity for me, Rachel. I honestly kinda feel like I’d be stupid to not take it,” Sam replied.

“You’d be totally stupid. I’m imagining your paintings as real life things you can see and touch and physically be in and my director brain is having a field day. The things you could film if your landscapes existed would be groundbreaking. I want to walk into one of your landscapes,” Artie said.

“Never mind the fact that living in a hippy artist co-op in Europe totally fits your flower child aesthetic,” Santana added.

“I feel like the hippies are in Colorado, not Germany,” Kurt said, laughing at the glare Santana threw him for his efforts. “I’m just saying, weed is set to be legal out there next month. That is where the hippies are.”

“Well, then Flower Child can’t go to Germany because it would ruin his image. He clearly should be moving out to Colorado,” Santana replied.

Sam laughed. “Thanks for your support anyway, Tana. I’m with Artie, I gotta see if I can make something real. Not that a painting isn’t real, but it would be so cool to go to a place that only exists in my head.”

Rachel huffed. “Fine. But don’t say I told you so when you find out how much you hate Europe.”

“What is this actually about, Rachel?” Kurt asked, tired of her shenanigans.

“I’m just worried about Sam making a choice he’ll regret,” Rachel replied, but judging by the looks the others were giving her, she wasn’t fooling anybody. “Fine. I’m worried that once Sam leaves, the rest of you will follow him and I won’t ever see any of you again. I’m especially worried about Kurt following Sam to Europe and you never come back to America at all. I don’t think I’ll be able to handle not seeing you guys ever again.”

“You mean you don’t know how to handle me not being a subway ride away anymore,” Kurt stated. Rachel nodded sheepishly and Kurt sighed. “Look, unless we have a falling out, we’ll make time to see each other. Also, who knows if Sam and I will end up in Europe. Who knows if we’ll be together a year from now? One thing I do know is that if I lived in another country, I would be coming home to visit my family at least once a year, so it’s not like we wouldn’t ever see each other. And forgetting all of that, this isn’t about me and what I’m doing, this is about Sam and what he’s doing. He’s been given an amazing opportunity and you should be happy for your friend, not worried about what his boyfriend may or may not do in the future.”

“Wow, Berry, way to dis your roommate,” Santana replied, very fed up with Rachel’s antics.

“I’m sorry, okay? Kurt’s just a really important part of my support system is all,” Rachel replied.

“That doesn’t change with distance, and this doesn’t change the fact that this isn’t about you,” Kurt stated.

“Yeah, I’m proud of Sam and I hope he chooses what’s best for him, not what’s most likely to keep Kurt in New York. It’s cool we’re all here now, but I’d be surprised if we were all always here,” Artie said.

Sam flashed Artie a grateful smile. “Thanks, man. I hope directing takes off for you in the same way.”

“Thanks. Maybe we could work on something together one day,” Artie replied.

“That would be so cool. We could make the next big sci-fi franchise!” Sam exclaimed, eyes going huge.

“We need to make a master list of ideas to expand on in the future,” Artie said, pulling up a list of future film ideas he had on his phone to show Sam to give him an example of how he thinks when thinking of new film projects.

Kurt grinned as the two started bouncing ideas off each other while Santana became much more interested in her phone. Rachel just looked terrified but didn’t say anything for the rest of the time they were out. Kurt felt like he should’ve said something, but he figured it was better for Rachel to figure this out on her own. Sam going to live in Germany for a year wasn’t going to change anything, especially since he hadn’t even officially committed to going yet. Even then, Kurt wasn’t going to automatically follow Sam to Germany and never come back. He still had two years of school left and he wasn’t sure where he wanted to go after he graduated. Maybe Kurt would follow Sam, maybe he wouldn’t. Either way, Rachel had no reason to be panicking about this. It worried Kurt, but he let it go for the moment because maybe Rachel would get out of her own head enough to recognize all these things. There would be problems if she didn’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just so y'all know, Geisterhaus isn't a real place, although I was thinking of Bauhaus when I created it. Idk, it didn't make sense to send Sam to a real place, you know? Anyway, I hope you liked it!!


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're coming into the endgame now, boys.
> 
> TW: Stalking.
> 
> Also, the study abroad program Kurt talks about is based on the one I was supposed to do this fall. I don't know what NYU has for its performing arts students, but I wouldn't be surprised if something like this existed at NYU based on what I've heard about their study abroad opportunities. Then again, the study abroad opportunities were a very vague description based on someone who wasn't a performing arts student, so who knows really?

Kurt and Sam were out on a date night. It was a simple dinner and movie date, but they figured they didn’t need to be extremely fancy or creative every time they went out. Besides, the new _Paranormal Activity_ movie had just come out and Kurt was all too willing to indulge Sam’s knack for horror movies.

As they were walking from the movie theatre to the restaurant, Kurt noticed that there was a guy with bushy hair walking about ten feet behind them. He looked familiar, but Kurt couldn’t quite place him. Faces in the city blended together sometimes, and there were days where Kurt could swear he saw the same person multiple times and it would be ten different people. He tried really hard not to be freaked out when the guy walked into the restaurant behind them, but quickly forgot about him as he and Sam got talking about the movie.

This wasn’t an isolated incident. It felt like every time Kurt wasn’t at his apartment or at school, the bushy haired guy would be there. Kurt saw him at coffee shops, at stores, on the street, he even seemed to lurk around the Vogue office. Kurt saw him for the fifteenth day in a row when he went to walk Sam home from work, and he finally decided to say something.

“Sammy, can I tell you something kind of weird?” Kurt asked.

Sam nodded. “Of course you can, K. What’s up?”

“You see that guy with the really bushy hair over by the window?” It took Sam a moment to find who Kurt was talking about, but he nodded when he did. “I feel like he’s everywhere I am. I’ve seen him at least once a day for the past two weeks, which doesn’t seem like long but it’s never in the same place. I’m kinda freaked out, Sammy.”

“Oh, that guy? Yeah, I’ve been seeing him a few times a week since late October. If the name he uses for his order is right, his name is Freddie,” Sam replied.

“Huh, now that you mention it, I remember seeing him around since about that time when I’d walk you home from work. Maybe that’s why he looks so familiar,” Kurt said.

“That and he looks an awful lot like Anderson. I don’t think it’s him because his voice is different, but I was kinda freaked out when he first came in here and we had a really awkward moment where I told him to leave and he didn’t know why some barista was mad at him. Good times,” Sam explained.

Kurt rolled his eyes, but he quickly became worried again. “Even if this guy really is Freddie, what if he isn’t? That’s exactly what Blaine’s hair looks like when it isn’t gelled, and the beard is the same pattern of his five o’clock shadow, just longer.”

Sam shrugged. “You could use some of your secret ninja skills and get a closer look at him. You could also try talking to him, but that’s very confrontational so I’d get it if you didn’t want to do that.”

“If that’s Blaine, I don’t want to confront him. I just need to know, you know?” Kurt replied.

“I know. Secret ninja skills it is then,” Sam said, kissing Kurt’s forehead and then sitting down at a table on the opposite side of the coffee shop.

Luckily for Kurt, it wasn’t awkward to walk by the specific table that the guy was sitting at because it was right on the path to the restroom. Kurt went in, “used” the restroom, and then walked back toward Sam, sneaking looks at the guy without openly staring at him. Sam watched Kurt’s face go white, so he practically sprinted to meet Kurt at the door and pulled him out of the coffee shop. They didn’t say anything until they turned onto the street their apartment was on.

“If I had actually looked at the guy’s face before you told me his name, I totally would’ve thought that was Blaine,” Kurt said.

“They look really similar. Maybe it’s that thing where everyone has seven doppelgangers around the world and you’re not related but they’re out there,” Sam offered, flashing Kurt a weak smile that wasn’t reassuring at all.

“Or Blaine has totally changed his aesthetic and is following us around,” Kurt replied.

“I feel like the doppelganger thing is a better way to live until we can prove anything. I want us to be able to sleep at night,” Sam said.

“Like we actually sleep through the night regularly,” Kurt murmured guiltily.

“You know I don’t mind that you have nightmares, even though they got worse after we saw Anderson that one time,” Sam reassured, squeezing Kurt’s hand.

Kurt dropped his head to Sam’s shoulder. “I see how tired you are when I have a bad week. I know how badly I affect you sometimes.”

“That doesn’t mean I mind it. I wish it wasn’t happening, but that’s only because I want you to not have to struggle with this, not because I don’t want to deal with you anymore,” Sam explained.

“You know I’m so scared that one day you’ll think this is too much and you’ll just leave me. There will be no warning and I’ll just wake up one morning and you’ll be gone. I don’t think it’ll happen, but it’s hard to remember you’ll never leave me when I’m having a panic attack and you aren’t there for whatever reason. I automatically jump to you leaving me and that’s why I cry so much when I realize you aren’t actually going to do it. I’ve gotten to a point where I’m not sure I can live without you, not just as a romantic partner but as a person in my life in general,” Kurt replied.

Sam didn’t know how to respond to that. They entered the apartment and Sam immediately led them to the couch, gathering Kurt into a pressure hug. Sam could feel Kurt’s body shaking and he was finally able to pull himself out of his little stupor.

“That’s why I haven’t accepted the residency at Geisterhaus yet.”

Kurt made a questioning noise, but he wasn’t able to stop shaking.

“I’m also not sure I can live without you, but I’m not sure what that means. When you were gone for that summer, I could barely function enough to not go into a deep blackhole. I couldn’t go back to Kentucky because I couldn’t stand the thought of not being in Lima if you needed me. When we were apart for a few months last year, it was better, but I wasn’t really living. I don’t live if you’re not with me, and it started when I moved to Kentucky that first time. I’m afraid I’ll go and being apart from you will mean I don’t get everything out of the residency that I should.”

Kurt nodded, but still didn’t say anything. Sam squeezed him tighter and started rubbing circles into his back.

“I’m also afraid that you’ll get worse if I’m not there. I don’t want you to fall and not be able to catch you. I wasn’t there in person for so many bad things that happened to you, and I feel like things could’ve been different faster if I’d actually been there when Anderson first started being really creepy. I’m afraid to be away from you and something like that happening again. I don’t think I could handle something happening to you and being a sixteen hour flight away.”

Kurt nodded again, but he still wasn’t in a place where he could talk. Sam let out a shaky sigh and buried his face into Kurt’s neck.

“I think that we’re independent people who have their own lives, but we can’t handle physical separation right now. We can’t be alone for whatever reason, and I don’t know when that’s going to get better.”

“It might never get better, that’s the scariest part,” Kurt finally replied in a tiny voice.

“I want it to though. I really want to go do this residency, and I want you to stop hurting so much,” Sam said, voice equally small.

“You know, the music theatre department runs a study abroad program in London for the fall. I’d only be there for the fall semester and I would still be in a different country, but we would still be able to see each other relatively easily,” Kurt suggested.

“Would you actually want to do that program? Being closer to me isn’t a good reason to do something,” Sam replied.

“It’s actually really cool. We get to learn about European theatre, see a bunch of shows, travel to a bunch of places in England, and network with people in the West End. It’s good for people who don’t want to stay in New York after graduation,” Kurt explained.

“That’s would be cool. Don’t just do it so we can stay close though, I want you to be there living your life for you. Our lives are more than just being together and I don’t want you following me to Europe if you don’t have anything happening for you. I can’t handle the kind of resentment that would add to our relationship,” Sam said, pulling back enough to look at Kurt properly.

“Well, I haven’t decided if I’m going to do it yet, but if I do, it’ll be because I want to. Being closer to you will just be a really nice perk,” Kurt replied with a smile, leaning forward and kissing Sam.

Sam smiled into the kiss which quickly led to them giggling and peppering kisses on each other’s faces randomly. Even though nothing was confirmed, it was decided in that moment Sam would go to Germany for his residency and Kurt would go to London for the study abroad program. They just weren’t in a place where they could be that far for that long, and even though Kurt would be in Europe for a significantly shorter time than Sam, any time being closer together would hopefully get them through the rest of the year.

~*~*~

“I called Greta this morning and told her I want to do the residency. She wants me to come over in June so I can be a part of their summer collaborations,” Sam said.

“Ooh, excitement. I’m happy for you dude, I can’t wait to see what you’ll do. You have to at least send pictures,” Toby replied, a broad smile on his face.

Kurt’s smile was smaller, but there was just as much pride. “I’m happy for you too, it’s just June is so soon, and then next June is so far away.”

“That’s true, but September will be here before we know it and then you’ll be in Europe too and we can see each other,” Sam reminded, reaching across the table to give Kurt’s hand a squeeze.

“So you decided to do that study abroad program? That’s also excitement,” Toby stated, flashing a smile at Kurt.

“Yeah. I’m sorry we’re leaving you alone in New York with a really expensive apartment,” Kurt replied, his voice dropping to a whisper.

“Don’t worry about me, Kurtie. I’m also planning on studying abroad in the fall, remember? We can get a place when we come back, although it might have to be a one-bedroom place instead of two,” Toby said.

Kurt’s eyes went wide and he shook his head. “That’s right! I don’t know why I forgot that. Well, I do, but I don’t want to talk about that right now. Anyway, yeah, I’d be fine with a one-bedroom place or a studio or whatever. We can still find a way to get multiple beds into a place, even if they’re only twins.”

“Exactly! Although it would significantly easier if we could figure out a way to keep all this furniture,” Toby replied, looking around the apartment.

“That’s a future Kurt and Toby problem. Now is for being excited about all of us not being in the country soon!” Sam pointed out.

“Are you saying you’re not going to be involved with us figuring out how to keep our furniture, Samuel? ‘Cause if so, you got another thing coming for you,” Toby said, smirking evilly at Sam.

“I mean, I might help with it at the beginning, but I figured K would be staying here through August so I wouldn’t really be able to do much more than throw out ideas of where the storage unit for the furniture should be,” Sam explained.

“Point taken. I’m going to make an executive decision right now and say that the storage unit will not be in Ohio or Mass. It’s not worth it,” Toby replied.

“If the storage unit is going to be outside of this state, it’s going to be in Jersey or Connecticut. We’re not going to be stupid about this, Toby,” Kurt said.

“Just checking! I wanted to make sure we were all on the same page,” Toby said, shrugging his shoulders.

Kurt smiled. “I feel like that happens a lot when it comes to things like this. We think about it in the same way, and that’s why the three of us living together works so well.”

“It definitely helps,” Sam agreed. “Wait, so where are you going for study abroad, Toby? I feel like I haven’t heard you talk about it at all.”

“I’m going to be in Rome for the semester. I’m also going to get to bounce around the Mediterranean basin as a part of the program,” Toby explained.

“That sounds so cool! We’ll have to visit each other in all our places,” Sam said.

“If I have the time, I’d love to see Germany and London, or anywhere in Europe, really. Taking a year to backpack through Europe as a continent has always sounded like a fantastic idea to me,” Toby replied.

“I don’t know how I feel about the backpacking, but we should definitely try travelling together,” Kurt said.

Toby laughed. “Why am I not surprised that Kurt Hummel would not be a big fan of backpacking?”

“I can’t fit everything I’d need into a backpack! It’s just not possible,” Kurt explained, looking offended but laughing with Toby.

“It’s true. Your skincare regime would fit into a large backpack, never mind an actual change of clothes or anything else you’d need for a year of backpacking,” Sam replied.

Kurt swatted at Sam across the table and told him to shut up. They all laughed and continued to talk about what the fall might look like with all of them on the same continent in different countries.


	39. Chapter 39

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you don't want spoilers, don't read the trigger warning.
> 
> TW: stalking, attempted kidnapping, Blaine being hella creepy, physical assault, discussion of past sexual assault.

Over the next month, it got increasingly harder to get Kurt to leave the apartment. All his friends couldn’t really blame him, the guy who looked suspiciously like Blaine was almost always everywhere Kurt went, so it was hard not to believe that he wasn’t being stalked. Santana offered multiple times to confront the man and give him a piece of her mind, but for some reason Kurt refused. He couldn’t really explain why, but he just felt like it was the wrong thing to do, like it would make things worse somehow.

Since it was becoming very clear he was being stalked, him and Sam started to sneakily take photos of the guy whenever they saw him and recorded timestamps for everything. They had been doing this since January, so they had three months’ worth of photos. All they were waiting for was the six month mark to bring this to the police or for the guy to declare his identity. The only reason they were waiting was because Kurt didn’t want to instigate a confrontation and he felt that as a gay man, he needed as much evidence as possible for the police to take him seriously.

Even though Kurt was becoming more wary of leaving the apartment, he was still packing in a full class schedule, rehearsals for a senior’s play that was being presented at the end of the semester, and working at Vogue as much as possible. In order to stay this busy, Kurt had someone walking with him wherever he went as much as possible.

Unfortunately, today was one of the few days where all his friends were busy when Kurt normally left Vogue to walk home from work, but it wasn’t even 4pm so Kurt figured he’d be okay this one time. Kurt was half a block away from his apartment when he was pulled back into an alley. He was very confused, but then he saw who had pulled him into the alley.

“Kurt,” the bushy haired guy said, his face curling into a menacing smile. “It’s been so long since we talked. How are you?”

“Blaine,” Kurt whispered, not being able to mistake that voice or that creepy smile now that he was up close.

Blaine’s smile widened. “I’m so glad you recognized me, Kurt. I’ve really let myself go since I’ve been living in New York, but I hope that won’t be a problem. I hope you still find me just as attractive as you used to.”

Blaine started walking into Kurt’s personal space, which caused Kurt to back up until his back hit the brick wall of the alley. Blaine continued to move forward until their chests were touching. He started to caress Kurt’s sides, a loving look on his face that made Kurt shiver in disgust.

“We could be so happy together, Kurt. We were so happy together. That summer before you left was the most magical thing ever, I just wished you hadn’t had to work for a lot of it. Maybe things could be different this summer. I’ve heard Evans is going to be in Europe for a year, and we could get a cheap place outside the city so you don’t have to work so much. We could be together all the time and just love each other like we used to. Wouldn’t that be amazing, Kurt?” Blaine asked, looking up at Kurt with his most charming smile.

“I wasn’t happy that summer. That summer was the single worst thing to ever happen to me. I already told you what you did, I don’t want to explain it to you again,” Kurt replied, his voice barely above a whisper.

Blaine’s smile fell. “I’ve been thinking about what you said to me about it, and I really don’t think that was true. We were dating at the time, you can’t rape someone you’re dating.”

“I don’t know what else you’d call what you did to me, because I never wanted what you did to me. You used my body, Blaine, I never got anything out of it,” Kurt said, still whispering, but his voice was strong and full of conviction.

“Maybe that’s how you see it, but I don’t agree with it. This time would be different though. I’ll be sweet and kind and you’ll love it. I’ll be able to be everything Evans isn’t, and you’ll wonder why you ever left me for him. It’ll be amazing, I promise,” Blaine explained.

“I’m never going back to you, Blaine. I’m also never leaving Sammy, he’s my rock and my best friend, I can’t imagine my life without him,” Kurt replied, leveling a glare at Blaine.

Blaine’s eyes darkened and his hands clamped down on Kurt’s hips. “You have to leave him. You belong with me because I’m your best friend and your soulmate. We always said so, and nothing changed. Why would you throw that away for some guy that could dump you for a girl at any moment?”

“Just because Sammy is attracted to women doesn’t mean he’s going to leave me for one. You were never my best friend, and if you’re my actual soulmate, then I’m not interested in having one. I’m interested in being loved, cared for, and respected and giving all those things in return to a partner. I can’t do that with you, so I’m choosing to do that with Sammy. I’m never leaving him, so you need to accept that and move on,” Kurt said, trying to discreetly wiggle himself out of Blaine’s grip.

Blaine just held onto Kurt tighter and made sure to pin his arms down so it was harder for him to escape. “I can’t accept that. You are leaving him and coming back to me, even if I have to force you.”

Blaine let go of one of Kurt’s arms to pull a rag out of his pocket. Kurt saw it and took the opportunity for what it was, socking Blaine in the temple and running. He heard Blaine cry out and growl, but he didn’t care, he had to get away as quickly as possible. Kurt began to run back toward NYU in the hope Blaine wouldn’t try anything if they were on a college campus, but when he looked back, Blaine was running after him with the rag in his hand. Even though Kurt was very much an atheist, he started praying to whatever deity existed that someone would call 911 or he would be able to outrun Blaine.

Kurt kept running until he made it to the performing arts center, hoping to find one of his professors or classmates or just another person in general. He had put a lot of distance between himself and Blaine, so he figured he had a minute to decide which direction he should go in to ask for help. His blood was roaring in his ears, which meant that he didn’t hear the door opening behind him. The next thing Kurt knew, there was a rag over his mouth and nose and he was being tackled to the ground. He fought hard against Blaine, but he was losing consciousness quickly so Blaine was able to overpower him. Kurt was just about to slip into unconsciousness when he heard someone shout and loud pounding footsteps.

When Kurt woke up again, he could hear beeping and everything was really bright. It took him a couple of tries to really open his eyes and look around because of how the brightness blurred his vision and made his headache worse. He appeared to be in some kind of hospital room, and he could see Sam, Toby, and Dalia asleep in chairs that were scattered around the room. Kurt squeezed the hand Sam had been holding and groaned loudly when he tried to shift to give Sam’s forehead a kiss. Sam stirred at the noise, but only shifted slightly. Kurt did manage to wake Toby up, however.

Toby blinked sleepily at him but smiled softly when he noticed Kurt was awake. “Hey, Kurtie. Glad to see you joined us again.”

Kurt nodded and then winced at how the action made his head hurt. “How long was I out?”

“About six hours. You were hit with a heavy dose of chloroform and then you got a concussion when you were trying to push him off you. He also managed to dislocate your shoulder, so you’ve been on heavy pain meds since you got here,” Toby explained.

“That sounds lovely, but that doesn’t really explain why you’re all asleep,” Kurt replied.

“For Sam it was either force him to nap or watch him escalate himself into a panic attack. Lia and I were just tired and didn’t have anything else better to do. We can wake them up if you want,” Toby said.

Kurt shook his head and then winced at how it made his headache worse. “Letting people sleep seems like a good idea to me. Especially Sammy, both of us haven’t gotten a full night of sleep since January.”

“I’m sure this is only going to make the nightmares worse,” Toby replied.

“I can’t imagine a world where it wouldn’t. At least I can definitely get that restraining order now without anyone fighting me about whether or not I’ll need it,” Kurt said.

Toby laughed bitterly. “Someone may still try.”

“I don’t want to think about that happening. Do you know what happened with Blaine?” Kurt asked.

Toby shifted uncomfortably. “I’m not sure. All I know is your dad was called because you were taken to the hospital, and then he let Sam know who let us know and we’ve been here since then. I don’t know if your dad or Sam were told anything about what happened to Blaine.”

“Don’t look so scared, Toby, I’m not mad you don’t know anything. The hospital might not have been told anything and only given enough information to treat me. Hopefully, he was arrested and not just free to go. I’m pretty sure someone saw me struggling against him when I passed out,” Kurt replied, giving Toby a small smile.

“Okay. I’m just worried and I want you to feel safe. I feel bad I can’t help with that right now,” Toby explained.

“It’s really okay. I’m probably the safest I’ve been in months, being in a hospital and all. You said my dad was called when I was brought in?” Kurt asked.

“Yeah. I got the impression he was trying to get on the next flight out here to see you, although that could be wrong because Sam was so all over the place when he got the call you were in the hospital,” Toby replied.

As if on cue, the door was pushed open to reveal Burt and a nurse. Burt was by Kurt’s side in seconds and the nurse quickly darted out, probably to get a doctor. Sam and Dalia stirred at the commotion, this time waking all the way up. Kurt was bombarded with questions about what happened since the person who called 911 was only able to give a brief description of a struggle and Kurt passing out due to a rag covering his face.

Kurt waited for everyone to calm down before he explained what happened. “I was almost home when Blaine pulled me into an alley. He was talking to me about how he wanted to get back together and got very touchy. He didn’t like the answers I was giving him, so he tried to drug me, but I ran. I got to the performing arts center before he caught up with me and drugged me. I tried to get him off me but didn’t quite manage it before I passed out. I heard someone call out to us right as I lost consciousness and now we’re here.”

“So it was Anderson this whole fucking time? We should’ve called the cops earlier,” Sam said, practically growling.

Burt was confused. “What do you mean it was Blaine this whole time? And why on earth would he try to kidnap you? This is Blaine Anderson, your ex-boyfriend we’re talking about, right?”

Kurt glanced nervously at his dad. “There’s a lot I haven’t told you about my relationship with Blaine, mostly because I was ashamed and didn’t know how to talk to you about it. I was barely able to admit to Sammy what was happening to me, no one knew about it. Please don’t be mad I didn’t say anything.”

“I’m not mad, just worried. I want to know that you’re safe and happy, kiddo, and it sounds like you haven’t been. Can you tell me what’s been happening now?” Burt asked, not sure he wanted to know what caused Blaine to attempt to kidnap his son, but he knew he needed to know.

Kurt told the entire story of his relationship with Blaine, mostly because that was the only way the stalking and attempted kidnapping made sense. Burt was becoming visibly enraged, Toby and Dalia weren’t sure how to react. They were both really mad and really sad for their friend, and the whole nightmare situation made a lot more sense than it used to. Kurt also explained to his dad that him and Sam were planning on getting a restraining order against Blaine and that they’d been gathering enough evidence to do so for the past three months. Although considering what happened, it was very likely they’d be able to level some kind of criminal charges against Blaine.

Burt was about to ask more about their plans for the restraining order, but the doctor came in and interrupted them.

“Hello, Kurt. I’m Dr. Wallace, how are you feeling?”

“My head hurts and moving seems like a bad idea, but I’ve been worse,” Kurt replied, trying his best not to shrug.

“I’m not sure I like the sound of that, but that’s not what’s most important. During your altercation with Mr. Anderson, you received a moderate concussion, dislocated your right shoulder, and the knuckles on your right hand are sprained. You also have some various bumps and bruises and you were exposed to a high dose of chloroform, so we’re monitoring the effects of your concussion and the chloroform. I’m going to run some tests to see how your brain has been affected by the concussion,” Dr. Wallace explained.

They ran through the tests and determined that Kurt was as well off as he could be, and that as long as he took the proper time to recover, he should be okay. Kurt also found out he didn’t need surgery on his shoulder, but if he ever dislocated his shoulder again, he’d need surgery to repair the damage. Dr. Wallace left with the promise of coming to check on him in a few hours and that the police were going to be there within the hour to get his version of the events.

Kurt sighed and slumped back against the bed. As much as he didn’t want to have to deal with all this, he was hopeful he could legally get Blaine to stay away from him. He had hope this would be the last confrontation he ever had with Blaine. Kurt wasn’t sure how realistic this hope was, but it was what he had to hold onto at the moment.

The police ended up arriving fifteen minutes later and made quick work of getting Kurt’s side of the story. Kurt learned that Blaine was in custody and that they were already working on a case to get him some kind of sentence. He also learned that even though what Blaine told the police wasn’t matching what Kurt was saying, they already had access to the security camera footage in the performing arts building and that they’ll be able to corroborate one of their stories within the next 24 hours. Kurt was told to rest and to expect news regarding a day in court within the next week.

Everyone had had to leave during the police interrogation, but they were all back in the room within seconds of the police walking out. Kurt made grabby hands for Sam once he saw him, so Sam ended up curling up on the hospital bed next to Kurt. Burt rolled his eyes and Toby and Dalia smiled softly. They were familiar with how clingy the couple was when something bad was happening, but they supposed Burt hadn’t seen them interact a lot since they started dating. Burt came to sit on the side of Kurt that wasn’t occupied by a Sam.

“I called Carole while you were talking to the police. She’s going to be flying out tomorrow and I think Finn might be coming with her.”

“What did you tell her?” Kurt asked, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth.

“Just that something serious happened that put you in the hospital and that the police were involved. I promised her you would tell her what happened when she got here, but don’t be surprised if your phone ends up blowing up when Finn finds out,” Burt explained.

“I’m sure it’s already blowing up. Did you tell anyone else I was in the hospital?” Kurt asked, looking over at Sam.

Sam shook his head. “I didn’t want there to be a ton of people here for you when I wasn’t sure what happened. I didn’t want you to have to deal with all our friends demanding information from you when I wasn’t sure what you’d be telling them and therefore wasn’t sure what you’d be comfortable with. I can help you text people now though.”

“That would be good. Is my phone in here?” Kurt asked, scanning the room.

“The nurse left it in the bag you were carrying. Here,” Toby said, offering the phone to Kurt once he had dug it out of the aforementioned bag.

“Thanks,” Kurt replied, opening up his phone to find he had fifteen missed calls and about seventy texts.

Kurt was quickly able to discern that Finn had been in contact with the New Directions alums that were in New York because all the messages and calls were about why in the world was he in the hospital and why were the police involved. Also, Santana was angry that she hadn’t been immediately informed, but Kurt figured he’d let Sam explain that part. Kurt also learned that not only had Finn texted people individually, but he had dug up their old group chat from junior year and everyone was popping off in confusion. Sam had also pulled out his phone and was looking at the same group chat. The nurse came in when Kurt was about to ask Sam what they should say.

“Did Dr. Wallace mention you’re not supposed to use electronics while recovering from a concussion?” the nurse asked as she checked Kurt’s vitals.

“If she did, I completely forgot that she mentioned it,” Kurt replied, looking sheepish.

The nurse smiled warmly at him. “It’s okay, honey, just stop using your phone. If you need to contact anybody, I’m sure you could convince anyone in here to help you.”

Kurt nodded, and soon enough, she left the group alone again. Kurt let out a sigh and snuggled in close to Sam’s side.

“What do you want me to tell them?” Sam asked.

Kurt thought for a moment. “Definitely put this in that old group chat so you don’t have to repeat yourself. Just say I’m safe, but something bad happened and the police are involved. Also mention I’ll tell people more when I’m out of the hospital.”

Sam nodded and typed out something to that effect. The replies were immediate and made Sam laugh. He started reading some of the texts out loud.

“Most of them are accepting that answer and hoping you get better soon. Santana says that’s not good enough and demands to know what hospital you’re at. Also, I think ‘Cedes is making plans to fly over as soon as possible because she’s convinced this is about Blanderson and now a lot of people are confused. Rachel is being suspiciously quiet. I’ll let you know if anything juicy happens.”

Kurt hummed in response and decided to settle in for a nap. He still had a major headache, felt really nauseous, and his shoulder was starting to bother him, so he figured the best course of action was to sleep it all off. Hopefully, his body would feel less like trash when he woke up.


	40. Chapter 40

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: discussion of attempted kidnapping, references to past stalking, physical assault, and sexual assault.

Kurt woke up the next morning with Sam still curled into his side and his dad asleep on the roll away cot that had been brought into the room. Toby and Dalia were gone though, so Kurt figured they had gone home for the night. He was about to doze off again when a nurse pushed open the door, followed closely by Carole and Finn. They were both staring at him in shock as the nurse performed the routine checkups for people who received concussions and were exposed to chloroform.

Overall, Kurt didn’t look that much worse for wear. Sure, he had a huge bruise on his temple where his head hit the floor, his arm was in a sling, and there was some hand shaped bruising on his right shoulder which was just visible beneath the hospital gown and the sling, but other than that he figured he looked pretty well off for a guy who experienced an attempted kidnapping within the last 24 hours. Then again, it probably wasn’t good to hear about your step-son/step-brother being in the hospital and not knowing why only to watch the nurse perform a check up that involved evaluating how he was recovering from being exposed to a renowned kidnapping drug.

The nurse eventually left with the promise of seeing if Dr. Wallace would discharge him that day. Carole and Finn moved closer to Kurt’s bed, sitting along the side that didn’t have a Sam like Burt had done the night before. No one said anything for a moment, not quite sure what to say or how to react.

“Hi, honey. How are you doing?” Carole asked eventually.

Kurt thought about it for a moment. “As good as I can be. I feel very sore and uncomfortable, but I’m not in any real pain which is nice.”

Carole smiled softly and it looked like she was going to say something else when Finn interrupted her.

“What happened?”

Kurt froze, totally retreating into his mind for a moment before shaking his head and coming back to himself. “I guess I can’t not tell you because the police are involved and I’m pretty sure I’m going to have to testify in court or something. Blaine attempted to kidnap me.”

Carole and Finn went wide-eyed, not having any idea how to react. Kurt smiled in what he hoped was a reassuring manner.

“Honestly, I probably should’ve seen this coming. He’s been super creepy every time I’ve seen him since we broke up and kept talking about how he was going to get me back. It was only a matter of time before he tried something like this.”

“You say that like that makes this any better! Kurt, honey, why didn’t you tell your dad and I anything like this was happening?” Carole asked.

“I was ashamed of what I let happen to me. I also couldn’t accept help no matter how many times I asked for it or it was offered to me, so I didn’t feel like you and Dad knowing would’ve made anything different,” Kurt explained.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Carole replied, reaching out to put a comforting hand on Kurt’s leg.

Kurt thought about it for a moment and then shook his head. “I already told Dad everything last night, I don’t think I can talk about it again so soon. You can ask him and I’ll let him know he has my permission to tell you. I’m sorry I can’t give you more.”

“It’s okay, honey. The attempted kidnapping is traumatizing enough on its own, I can’t imagine what you went through to lead up to Blaine trying to kidnap you. It has to be just as, if not more traumatizing,” Carole said.

Kurt nodded, confirming that it was awful but not giving anything else away. Finn was still staring at Kurt like he didn’t know him.

“Blaine is seriously that much of a creeper?” Finn asked eventually.

“Yeah. He was careful about who saw that side of him, but he’s really awful, Finn. I honestly still can’t believe how I let myself get so far gone with him, but I was really convinced I loved him. I hate myself for ever thinking that when I have something so much better now,” Kurt replied, looking over at Sam who was snuffling in his sleep. Kurt absently observed that Sam was probably going to wake up soon.

Finn bit his lip in thought. “Why do I feel like I should’ve known something was happening?”

“Maybe you should’ve, but that doesn’t change the fact that the people who did know it was happening at the time never had the full picture. Even if you had known something was up, you wouldn’t have ever really known,” Kurt explained.

Finn nodded, but he still looked really upset. “I still feel like I failed you as a brother.”

Kurt shook his head. “You never failed me, Finn. I never asked you for anything with any of this, so there were no expectations for you to meet. In fact, you were great when you did damage control with Schue last year at graduation. That was amazing and I can’t ever thank you enough for making sure the inevitable physical fight didn’t happen. Sammy and the rest of the glee club didn’t need to experience that, and I’m glad you recognized that.”

Finn flashed a small smile at him. “Still feel shitty about it though.”

“Hudson, you cannot match my levels of guilt and regret. Stop trying because that’s a competition you will not win,” Sam said, shifting so he could stretch and sit up properly.

“I’m still trying to figure out how to convince you you’re the best thing that has ever happened to me, but I guess we’ll save that for a day where I don’t wake up in the hospital,” Kurt replied, smiling and pressing a kiss to Sam’s temple.

Sam sighed and rested his head on Kurt’s good shoulder. Before the conversation continued, Dr. Wallace came in to do her evaluation. She determined that Kurt was in a good enough condition to be discharged and gave him some instructions for how to properly take care of himself at home. Kurt was also instructed to schedule follow up appointments with Dr. Wallace and an orthopedist before he was sent on his way. The Hudson-Hummels and Sam were back at Kurt, Sam, and Toby’s apartment by midafternoon.

“Do you wanna call everyone or do you wanna rest?” Sam asked as he helped Kurt change into more comfortable clothes.

“Tana will be mad if we don’t let her come over right this instant, but I’m too tired to deal with her right now. We can call them after we meet with the lawyer about the restraining order, I might be able to deal with her after that,” Kurt replied.

“Got it. Mercedes said she’ll be here around dinner time, do you want to see her today?”

Kurt thought about it for a moment and then nodded. “She can come over, just make sure Finn doesn’t say anything about it because Tana might actually kill me if she finds out both Finn and ‘Cedes were allowed to see me before she was.”

Sam nodded earnestly. “Oh she definitely would. Toby and Lia should be back soon with food. I convinced them to go to that deli and get the macaroni salad.”

“How much actual convincing did you have to do?” Kurt asked.

“It was more I asked them if they could get some food for everyone and Toby decided we were having a stupid amount of macaroni salad,” Sam explained.

Kurt laughed. “Toby is going to go broke because of that macaroni salad.”

“Then he’ll die a happy man.”

Kurt cackled and mentioned that going broke didn’t mean death. Sam just shrugged and walked Kurt back out into the living area.

~*~*~

The rest of the week passed in a blur. His family and Mercedes made arrangements to be around for the next two weeks in order to support Kurt through the beginning of the legal nonsense that involved Blaine. Santana was immediately just as angry as Kurt predicted about what had happened and not being allowed to see Kurt in the hospital. The only reason why she was appeased was Blaine was arrested on sight and Kurt was able to get a restraining order against him very quickly because of the attempted kidnapping.

Word spread quickly of the attempted kidnapping and stalking, and anyone who hadn’t been around for it was absolutely shocked Blaine was capable of doing anything like that. Tina was especially angry because she thought Kurt was being a vindictive, bitter bitch, but one conversation over Skype quickly helped her to see things as they actually were. It probably helped that Sam and Santana were lurking in the background of that call leveling murderous glares at her anytime she mentioned something along the lines of “Blainey-Days would never!” Rachel was also helpful in telling Tina about her experiences with Blaine and Kurt and how comparing their accounts of what their relationship was like helped her to see the truth. No one really knew how to react to what had happened, so they mostly left the New York gang alone to figure things out for themselves.

Kurt was allowed to go back to classes a week after his restraining order went through to give him time to rest. During the three weeks Kurt was home, Sam never left his side once and they did basically everything together. Kurt didn’t question this because he figured Sam had the right to be protective of him after what had happened, but when he was trying to leave for class that Monday, he realized he should’ve said something sooner. Sam was extremely nervous about Kurt leaving by himself, and Sam quickly escalated into a panic attack.

Sam was continuously chanting, “You can’t leave me, you can’t leave me, you can’t leave me,” as Kurt was trying to help him get his breathing under control. Toby ended up having to step in because it became clear that Kurt trying to help was only making Sam worse. Sam was able to get his breathing under control, but he was still softly crying and immediately curled into Kurt’s lap when he was calm enough. Kurt shifted them so he could give Sam a proper pressure hug.

“Shh, Sammy, it’s okay. I’m not going to leave you and nobody’s going to take you from me,” Kurt said, rubbing his hand along Sam’s back.

“But you don’t know that! It’s happened too many times. What if some rando saw your story in the paper and tries to snatch you off the streets? What if you get pulled into an alley again? What if you get run over by a car? I can’t handle not knowing if you’re safe or not,” Sam explained, burying his face into Kurt’s neck.

Kurt wasn’t quite sure how to respond to that, so he took a moment to just quietly shush Sam in an attempt to get him to stop crying.

“You’re right,” Kurt eventually said. “On any given day at any given time, any of those things you mentioned could happen to me. But I think we can both agree that the biggest threat to my safety is now in prison awaiting trial, and even if he wasn’t, I have a restraining order against him. I’m safer than I’ve been in years, so I should be okay with going to classes. Also, I’ll be walking there with Toby and Lia is coming home with me after classes for dinner. I won’t be alone the whole time which means I’ll have someone if anything happens. It’ll be okay, Sammy.”

“But how can I know for sure you’re safe if I’m not with you?” Sam asked, the sobs finally dissipating to soft sniffles.

“You just have to trust that I can take care of myself and that I can get myself out of any unsavory situation I may find myself in. I did a pretty decent job of it a few weeks ago if I’m remembering correctly,” Kurt replied, pressing a kiss to Sam’s temple.

Sam sighed but did eventually nod. “You’re right, I’m just nervous. All those things are scarier and more real when your boyfriend was almost kidnapped a few weeks ago and you weren’t there to do anything.”

“I understand. Don’t worry, Sammy, we’re going back to the system we had in place to make sure I wasn’t alone when he was just stalking me and I don’t think we’ll be able to convince any of our friends to disband the system until he is officially behind bars and can’t be bailed out,” Kurt said.

“I guess I trust our friends,” Sam replied, pulling back a little and reaching for a tissue.

“You guess? Bro, you better trust me ‘cause I’m Kurtie’s escort to school today. I’m all you got,” Toby said, handing Sam the box of tissues.

Sam blushed and smiled softly in thanks. “Sorry, I’m just a wreck in case you couldn’t tell.”

“Don’t worry about it, I think we’re all nervous about me going back to my normal life. I sure as hell am nervous about it, but I really think it’ll all be okay,” Kurt said, fixing Sam’s hair as he wiped his tears.

“You’re probably right,” Sam replied, offering Kurt a shaky smile.

Despite this, Sam’s panic attacks over Kurt leaving the apartment without him only got worse. Kurt could never calm Sam down on his own and Sam became increasingly clingier in his panicked state, latching onto Kurt and refusing to let go. When Kurt was eventually able to part from Sam, Sam would end up texting at least once every hour to make sure Kurt was okay. Sometimes, Kurt wouldn’t respond because he had a long rehearsal or something of the like and that would result in a panicking Sam calling not only Kurt but Toby, Dalia, and sometimes Santana as well. The panic attacks were clearly starting to get in the way of Sam being able to function, but no one was quite sure how to broach the topic with Sam.

Kurt figured he at least had to try.

“Sammy,” Kurt started. “I know you keep saying that you’re handling everything okay, but we both know you’re not. Are you absolutely sure you don’t want to start counseling? There’s no shame in it and I’m sure we could find you someone good.”

Sam stared at Kurt like a deer caught in headlights. “I’m going to be fine, K. I’m just going through a rough spot right now, it’ll go away soon.”

“I’m not gonna lie, Sammy, I really don’t think it will. At least, it won’t go away before you leave for Geisterhaus. You leave in three weeks, Sammy. At the rate you’re going, you won’t be halfway across the Atlantic before you need to turn around and come back,” Kurt said.

Tears immediately welled up in Sam’s eyes, so he looked away from Kurt. Kurt crossed the room and pulled Sam into a hug.

“I know you’re hoping for this all to go away, but anxiety like this doesn’t work like that. Your anxiety has only gotten worse since March, and it really doesn’t seem like things are going to get better any time soon. If you’re going to go do this amazing residency, you need to at least start getting help. I can’t watch you miss out on this amazing opportunity because of something that happened months ago.”

Sam nodded into Kurt’s neck, his shoulders silently shaking. Kurt held him through it, rocking them side to side. Eventually, Sam pulled away and wiped his eyes.

“I just feel so stupid, you know? It didn’t even happen to me, but I’m so much more affected than you are. I literally can’t be away from you without freaking me out, and I’m just as mad as I am scared. I should be able to be your rock, and here you are comforting me because I’m so messed up over something that happened to _you_ ,” Sam explained.

“It’s not stupid. Your separation anxiety has been a long time coming, and it was honestly kinda always there, we just never talked about it and it wasn’t as debilitating as it is for you now. Blaine has given you every reason to be worried, but that’s all gone now. His family refuses to pay the bail, so he’s stuck in jail until the trial, and I really think things are going to go our way. The danger is gone, Sammy, it’s time to heal now,” Kurt replied.

Sam nodded his head once before pulling Kurt into another hug. “Okay.


	41. Epilogue

Sam ended up having to stay in the U.S. until September when Kurt left for study abroad. It took a lot of intensive therapy for Sam to be able to handle being in a different country from Kurt, but he had tons of support and a fierce determination to not let his anxiety rule his life. Even though Sam wasn’t able to make it to Germany until September, he was still able to do the residency because Greta and the others who ran the co-op really wanted Sam to be a contributing artist, and they figured if Sam couldn’t function, then he couldn’t be a contributing artist. They were also generally understanding and compassionate human beings who immediately understood what was happening when Sam’s situation was explained to them.

By the time Sam’s residency ended the next year, he had created this elaborate theater space that could transform into any environment the director wanted and many, many, paintings of things the theater could transform into. He was so successful with this that he was contracted to design multiple sets for an indie film studio in Sweden because his work was so much better than creating environments through CGI.

Since Sam living in Europe was becoming more of a full-time occurrence, Kurt had to seriously consider what he was doing after graduation. He loved the New York theatre scene, but it was becoming clear that Sam wasn’t going to be living in the States for at least ten years, and Kurt wasn’t sure he wanted to be apart from him for that long. He also fell in love with London’s theatre scene when he studied abroad, and if the work Sam was doing was any indication, Europe was a significantly more interesting place to be in terms of musical theatre and art making. Kurt and Sam ended up moving to northern France after Kurt graduated and getting married shortly after obtaining French citizenships.

Of course, just because Kurt and Sam lived in northern France didn’t mean that was the only place they worked. Kurt was constantly finding work on the West End and Sam was always finding new and creative ways to make his fantasy landscapes come to life in theater spaces and as movie sets. When they weren’t doing that, they were writing plays together that allowed for Sam to do whatever he wanted and for Kurt to finally figure out what kinds of beings lived in the worlds Sam created in his mind. They even ended up working with Artie a few times on films that got into major film festivals in the U.S. and Europe.

Overall, life was pretty good for Kurt and Sam Hummel-Evans. They managed to sort out the skeletons in their closets and make a name for themselves in their respective fields. Things were bumpy sometimes, but they always managed to get through it. They figured they couldn’t ask for more than that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it, that's the whole thing. It was significantly longer than I expected and it went in a direction I wasn't expecting but can't say I hated. Honestly I'm just surprised I finished it, especially since it ended up being so long. I hope you enjoyed this little fic of mine and that you have a lovely rest of your day!!


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